Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: Steven Greer’s alien + lots of other fake dead aliens

srsly

On April 22, Amardeep Kaleka‘s documentary Sirius will premiere in L.A. Though the film is mostly about magical alien energy sources, like Thrive, the highlight will undoubtedly be the tiny alien body that Dr. Steven Greer has been studying for more than a year. (Update: You can read more about that here. )

Greer’s alien was discovered by a treasure-hunter back in 2003, in the ghost town of La Noria in Chile’s Atacama desert (interestingly, a place considered similar to the Martian surface). The dessicated little skeleton, which is no longer than a pen yet has perfect proportions, was found buried  in a ribbon-tied bit of cloth near La Noria’s Catholic church. It had well-formed teeth, nine ribs, and a strangely elongated skull. The tabloids in Chile joked about a “horrible dwarf extraterrestrial”, but no serious interest was shown in the “Atacama humanoid”. It changed hands a few times, eventually ending up in Spain.
That’s where it came to the attention of Dr. Greer, an American ufologist best-known for founding the Disclosure Project. He probably heard about the humanoid during the Exopolitical Symposium held near Barcelona in 2009 (he was a presenter). Last year, he announced that his Center for the Study of ET Intelligence had gained access to the body, and would need funding to carry out scientific tests. He released a single photo and an X-ray of the “humanoid”, failing to mention it had already been in the Chilean tabloid press nine years earlier. In late October, he announced the body had been examined by “experts” using X-rays and CT scans, but still wouldn’t release more photos or give the names of the scientists working with him. For a disclosure advocate, Greer doesn’t like to disclose much. He would only say that “one of the world’s top geneticists” was studying DNA samples from the alien, and the “world’s foremost authority on skeletal abnormalities” had pronounced the skeleton non-human.

Atacama Humanoid

The Atacama alien

Steven Greer has a – how shall I put this? – rather checkered history in the field of UFO studies. He has promised big things before, with no payoff:

  • Throughout the ’90s, he claimed the ability to summon and communicate with UFOs using lights, lasers, and mental telepathy.
  • In 2008, the Orion Project announced it was developing a free energy device. Delay after delay pushed its unveiling all the way to the spring of 2010, when the Orion Project declared the work could not continue until their funding needs were met (a mere $3 million or so). Greer repeatedly insisted the device was already functional, yet it has still not been revealed.
  • In 2009, he practically guaranteed that the Obama administration would give full disclosure about UFOs and ETs by the end of 2010. (video)

Greer claims the secrets of aliens, free energy, and antigravity spacecraft are being kept from the public by a massive conspiracy possibly known as PI-40, comprised of Freemasons, Bilderbergers, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, and…uh…Mormons. He says most of his associates, including Eugene Mallove, were murdered because they came too close to the truth about aliens – just like Marilyn Monroe and former CIA director William Colby. He also thinks the government has possessed the capability to induce cancer from a distance since the 1950s.

You would think the Atacama humanoid results would be big, big news in the world of ufology, but skepticism and disinterest remain high. I’m guessing this is partly because of Greer’s track record, partly because he won’t even release the names of these world-renowned scientists, and partly because we’ve been through all this before. Since the ’50s, we have been subjected to a veritable parade of alien fetuses, alien autopsies, alien skeletons and alien skulls – nearly all of which turned out to be terrestrial. Let’s take a quick look at some of the alien corpses of years past. Be warned that a few of the photos are kinda gross.

1953: Spaceman hit by a truck

georgia monkey

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a bald monkey.

Three young men in Georgia reported to police that they had struck what appeared to be a 2″-tall space creature with a pickup (the alien’s two companions had managed to escape in their flying saucer). A local vet confirmed the round-eyed, jug-eared being was no animal known to mankind, but Emory University anatomists who studied the body disagreed: The Georgia alien was a shaved Capuchin monkey with its tail removed. The three men confessed to staging the hoax to get into the local paper. Today, the spacemonkey is displayed at the Georgia Bureau of Investigation museum. (read more at The Museum of Hoaxes)

1979: Puerto Rico’s baby Conehead

Puerto Rico Alien

Consume mass quantities.

As one version of the story goes, two teenage boys exploring a cave near Cerro Las Tetas stumbled upon a whole colony of aliens, and bludgeoned one of the creatures to death in their panic. The pickled alien was revealed to the world by ufologist Jorge Martin later that year. It was never subjected to thorough scientific examination, however, and its current whereabouts are unknown. Señor Martin has since moved on to other dead aliens that are definitely fake. (read more at the Forgetomori blog)

1995: American alien autopsy

alien autopsy

His name was Bob.

Supposedly a film of doctors conducting a peculiar autopsy on an alien killed in the Roswell crash of 1947, the film turned out to be precisely what it looks like: A hoax utilizing rubber aliens, animal parts, and raspberry jam. The owner of the footage confessed to fakery, but stubbornly insists it was a “recreation” of genuine Roswell autopsy footage that is too damaged to be shown.

1996: Dr. Reed’s alien, AKA the Screaming Alien or the Microwave Burrito Alien

Burrito Alien

Protip: Fake aliens always look more real if you stick ’em on a space blanket.

You could probably compose several novels, an entire History Channel series, and an opera out of the hilariously dumb saga that is the “Dr. Reed” hoax, in which a Seattle psychologist enthralled Coast to Coast AM listeners with his tale of encountering a landed triangular spacecraft in the Cascades, watching a very fast alien vaporize his dog, then capturing the alien and stuffing it into his freezer. The alien wasn’t quite dead yet, however, and let out a horrifying shriek when Reed opened the freezer. Reed claimed the body was stolen by government agents who continued to stalk and menace him (though they somehow forgot to confiscate his photos of the UFO and the frozen alien).
“Dr. Jonathan Reed” was soon exposed as Seattle gas station attendant John Rutter. Incredibly, Rutter still insists his alien story is essentially true, and has made many fantastical additions to it over the years, including the discovery of an alien bracelet that either allows him to teleport (skip to the 7:00 mark) or just sit on a couch in a Mexican TV studio. (read more at UFO Watchdog)

1999: The Starchild skull

starchild skull

In 1999, American novelist Lloyd Pye purchased what is probably the skull of a hydrocephalic child. But he’s pretty damn sure it’s an alien-human hybrid, and won’t stop talking about it.

2005: Yugoslavian alien autopsy

Yugoslav alien

I prefer them medium rare.

Basically the same as the American autopsy footage, this film was said to have been taken in the former Yugoslavia in 1966. In photos sent to UFO Casebook by one “Ivan Kremer”, doctors are shown examining the charred corpse of an alien, supposedly recovered from a crashed UFO in the village of Otocek. Italian skeptic Andrea Zoboli later took credit for the hoax, citing the American alien autopsy as his inspiration.

2006: alien in a jar

attic alien

Antiques Roadshow estimate: $3.50

During renovation of a cottage in Gunthorp, workers found a jar containing what appeared to be (and was) a realistic alien model made from clay. Who put the alien model in Barney Broom’s attic, and why, remains a mystery. (read more at the BBC)

2008: Russian alien autopsy

Russian alien autopsy

Might be Joan Rivers. Somebody check.

The makers of this film were quite innovative. They opted for colour instead of black and white, chose a small alien dummy rather than a child-sized dummy, and zoomed in on the alien instead of standing ten feet away. The film even includes footage of Russian soldiers surrounding a crashed UFO that looks about as real as Tara Reid’s breasts. B for effort, guys.
This is not to be confused with a  “KGB” film that shows unmasked doctors hovering over random bits and pieces of an alien (judging by the hair on the lady doctor, this one was shot in the ’80s or early ’90s).

2011: Siberian alien and Russian refrigerator alien

Siberia alien

finger lickin’ good

The Siberian alien was probably the biggest dead alien story to hit the news since the American autopsy. Media outlets around the world carried stories of the cell phone video shot and posted to YouTube by anonymous teens, showing a pitifully one-legged alien entity sprawled in the snow. The Kremlin actually launched an investigation, and within hours an “alien” made out of old bread and chicken skin was found in the home of one of the kids in the video. Two boys confessed to creating it.
A few months later, Marta Yegorovnam of Petrozavodsk produced photos of a plastic-wrapped alien corpse she had been storing in her fridge for two years. It looked somewhat like the lovechild of Jabba the Hut and Kermit the Frog. Sadly, no one ever had the chance to examine Ms. Yegorovnam’s disgusting leftovers, because she surrendered them to the Karelian Research Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences. The Academy disclaimed any knowledge of the fridge alien. (read more at the Daily Mail, which was one of the few mainstream media outlets to bother with this)

Russian fridge alien

C’mon, lady.
At least put it in the crisper.

Date unknown: Roswell alien that looks suspiciously like the masks from the movie Brazil

roswell alien  brazil

Conspiracy Monday: Tesla Tales

July 10th was the 153rd birthday of Nikola Tesla, maverick inventor, eccentric, and idol of many a free energy fanatic. So here are just a few of the wild rumours, tall tales, and conspiracy theories that have sprouted up around Tesla since his death in the 1940s. Sadly, the man’s real work and legacy have been nearly eclipsed by such bizarre legends.

Tesla and Aliens

Tesla believed he may have come into radio contact with an extraterrestrial civilization, probably on Mars or a planet orbiting Epsilon Bootes, early in his career. Modern researchers have speculated that the signals actually originated from natural sources, like the Jovian plasma torus signals. But Tesla’s genius, combined with his eidetic memory and his quirkiness, have some disciples convinced that he didn’t come from Earth…

  • Arthur Matthews of Quebec was a country-dwelling family man who spent much of his time in a large shed behind his house, inventing things. He claimed he was the first to receive a patent for radar – hence he named his son Ray – but hadn’t the resources to develop it. He also claimed to have befriended and assisted Tesla in the last years of Tesla’s life (unlikely, as Matthews didn’t leave Quebec and Tesla didn’t leave New York). They even co-authored a book, packed with Tesla’s personal reminiscences and details of his encounters with aliens. After Tesla’s death, Matthews tried to carry on his work. His most ambitious project was the construction of the “Teslascope”, a device that would allow him to communicate with aliens. And it worked. Two humanoid Venusians descended in a vast mothership to share some of the secrets of the universe with Matthews, including the fact that Tesla was an extraterrestrial sent to Earth to advance the human race.
  • The notion that Tesla was from Venus was adopted by Dwight York, demented founder of a religion called Nuwaubianism. York declared that a spaceship from Nibiru approached Earth in 2003 and began scooping up 144,000 of his followers (never mind that he doesn’t have that many of them) in the Rapture. He also claimed the world’s elite are making preparations to flee to Mars when the Apocolypse hits. York is currently serving a 135-year prison sentence for molesting dozens of children, some as young as four years old. A good post at Right to Think lists some of York’s other bats*** insane teachings.

Tesla and Superweapons

Tesla expressed interest in creating a “death ray” so powerful that humanity would be afraid to use it, thus ending war. He never quite got the funding to do this, but it is speculated that his secret designs were the launchpad for the Strategic Defense Initiative (Star Wars), directed-energy/scalar weaponry, and various little-understood or fictional devices.

  • Oliver Nichelson theorized that the 1908 Tunguska event was caused by Tesla.
  • In his article “PKD, the Unicorn, and Soviet Psychotronics“, Adam Gorightly suggested that hippie guru and convicted killer Ira Einhorn was framed for the murder of his girlfriend because he was about to expose government mind control that utilized Tesla technology. Einhorn-framing theories don’t wash with me, because his girlfriend’s putrid corpse was right in his own bedroom, leaking fluids into the apartment below. Even the smelliest hippie on the planet – and Einhorn was certainly a contender for that title – would have noticed the funky smell coming from the closet.

Tesla’s Technology was Stolen and Suppressed

Tesla died nearly penniless and in debt. Some of his equipment and papers were allegedly seized (and subsequently suppressed) by J.P. Morgan after his death. There have also been accusations that Edison stole many, or even all, of his ideas from Tesla. While there may be some truth to these theories, others are 100% b.s.

  • According to a man named Eric Berman, George H.W. Bush was really George Scherff Sr., a Nazi sent to destroy America as a teenager and adopted by Prescott Bush. Scherff became an assistant to Nikola Tesla, and stole all Tesla’s inventions after Tesla was murdered by Otto Skorzeny and Reinhard Gehlen. Hitler was still alive in Montana in 1997, and Josef Mengele is keeping himself alive and youthful with a regimen of hormones and cannibalism. Oh, and Curious George was inspired by a young George Scherff Jr.; that’s probably why Alan J. Shalleck was murdered by two men he met through a gay sex network one day before the movie premiered. Berman claims he heard this tale straight from his girlfriend’s dad, Otto Skorzeny, in Florida during the late ’90s. (Skorzeny died in Madrid in 1975.) One promoter of the Scherff-Bush story adds that Josef Mengele was the real Zodiac, the Boston Strangler(s), and the anthrax letter mailer. Busy guy.
  • Benjamin Fulford, the former financial journalist who is saving the world’s elite from Freemasonic Asian assassins, declared during an interview with Jeff Rense that at the time of his death, his great-grandfather (Canadian patent medicine tycoon G.T. Fulford) had been planning to finance Nikola Tesla’s introduction of free energy technology. For this reason, he was murdered by a trolley. The Rockefellers then took control of Tesla’s inventions, hiding them from public view.
  • The rumour that Tesla produced free energy (or radiant energy, as he called it) just won’t die, though Tesla never demonstrated it. Needless to say, ZPG cranks like Thomas Bearden have built elaborate fantasies around the discovery and suppression of radiant energy technology.

Tesla and Time Travel

As described by Jenny Randles in her book Breaking the Time Barrier, in March 1895 Tesla accidentally produced enormously powerful rotating magnetic fields with a huge transformer. A massive ball of electricity (3.5 million volts) detached from the transformer, floated across the room, and struck Tesla’s shoulder. He was unharmed, perhaps because his assistant saw what was happening and quickly switched off the transformer. But Tesla was badly shaken, and it was after this experience that he began talking about Martians and deathrays. He often suffered prickling sensations, headaches, and disorientation. He also said that when the ball touched him, he was momentarily transported into another dimension where the true nature of time was revealed to him. This has led to speculation that Tesla unlocked the secrets of time travel.

  • Some believers in the Philadelphia Experiment think Tesla and/or Einstein were closely involved with the Navy’s efforts to render a ship invisible or transport it to another dimension.
  • Pro wrestler Rob Van Dam supposedly claimed that when he visited the abandoned site of the Montauk Project, he encountered a time-tripping Tesla. Tesla informed him he was going to “end it” (presumably the world) in 2007.

The Gravity of the Situation

The amazing gravity-powered lamp design that won a 2nd-place Greener Gadgets Conference competition award for Virginia Tech grad Clay Moulton last month is too good to be true. Literally.

This is how Moulton’s Gravia Lamp is supposed to work: Weights totalling 10 lbs. move slowly down a narrow brass slide, activating a rotor. The rotor powers ten LED lights in the 4-ft.-high acrylic column, generating about as much light as a 40-watt bulb for up to four hours. The weights would have to be moved to the top of the slide at least once a day, but that’s a small price to pay for a cordless lamp that could last for an estimated 200 years.

Though public response was enthusiastic, Moulton likely would have hit a snag when he applied for a patent: As pointed out by Colin Watters on the Green Building forum, even with maximum efficiency (100%) LED lights, which don’t exist, the lamp would have to weigh 1.4 metric tons to function as intended. Like so-called free energy devices, the theoretical lamp simply generates more energy than what is being put into it.

Faced with these facts, Moulton admitted that his design was purely theoretical.