2012 Prediction Fail

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The Winner

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The biggest fail is the late Terence McKenna’s Timewave Zero prediction. First published in 1975, it was predicated on McKenna’s complex novelty theory about the cyclical nature of time, and guesstimated that some kind of awesome singularity would occur in December 2012 (the date was based partly on his own calculations and partly on the Mayan calendar). Just how the arcane ramblings of a chemognostic savante ended up on Discovery Channel specials and in Britney Spears videos is beyond me, but the bottom line is: Nothing happened. No singularity. So let’s move on to that dagger-nailed doyenne of prophetic fail…

Sylvia Browne

Browne played it safe last year by making many of her 2012 forecasts hilariously vague. She asked us to “be mindful of trucks”, said she’s “still worried about trains”, and spoke of “airline difficulties” in several states. Which basically amounts to

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She has stayed away from celebrity predictions altogether lately, since her 2009 prophecy about Clint Eastwood’s varicose veins failed to impress.
Her big prediction was that the economy, the job situation, and the housing market would all improve dramatically. Oh, and taxes would decrease. If by “dramatically”, she meant “somewhat”, then I guess this qualifies as a direct hit. Vagueness occasionally works in her favour.
When she was any more specific than that, she bombed. Here are a few of her biggest misses:

There will be a tsunami in Florida in the fall.
A cure for Multiple Sclerosis will be found.
Obama will not be reelected.

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I’ve skipped most of her weather-related predictions, because they’re basically just variations of “There will be weather”. Glue some fake fingernails on your copy of the Farmer’s Almanac to achieve the same effect.

A few of her predictions did nothing but betray her uneven grasp of the sciences:

Weather stays terribly erratic. We are in a polar tilt.
The hell is a “polar tilt”?
We have to be more cognizant about vaccinations or we are going to have more outbreaks of measles, polio and whooping cough. These vaccines do not cause autism.
You don’t have to be psychic to know this.

A ridiculously safe bet:

There will also be earthquakes in Japan, China and Europe.
There have been major quakes in Japan every year since 2003, and in China since 2008. And there are earthquakes somewhere in Europe pretty much every year.

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A few of her predictions were just nonsensical:

We will pay more attention to causes for eliminating hunger and animal care.
“More attention” than what? No attention at all?
More people realize this is a new age of enlightenment.
Again with the “more” thing.
We are looking at a time when spirituality is on the upswing.
Dogmatic religions will see their member numbers decrease.

Those last two statements actually contradict each other. Historical trends indicate that in times of economic crisis, spirituality and dogmatic religions flourish. When things get better – as Browne was predicting they would – religious fervour tends to wane. So the chances of a spiritual revival and an economic upswing occurring simultaneously are actually quite slim. Play the odds, Sylvia, play the odds.

Patrick Geryl

Belgian author Patrick Geryl seems to be a cross between the poor man’s Velikovsky and Charles Manson. His website looks sort of sciency, but the core of Geryl’s predictions have nothing to do with science.
Geryl claims he uncovered long-lost prophecies of the ancients by deciphering parts of the Dresden Codex in his own special way.  He combined these prophecies with his own bullshit astronomical observations to come up with the following predictions:

Some kind of solar Armageddon event Geryl called the “killer flare” was supposed to happen on December 20.

Within a few hours, Earth would be surrounded by a plasma cloud with a magnetic field that would “deflect” the earth’s core, causing it to rotate. Since the rotation of the core and the movements of the earth’s crust would be in different directions, massive earthquakes and other upheavals would occur, culminating in something along the lines of

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Geryl and his handful of followers bunkered up and prepared for the endtimes, thinking they would have to repopulate the ravaged planet and rebuild civilization from scratch. Fortunately for Geryl, all he really has to do in 2013 is get a new domain name.

Ed Dames and other Remote Viewers

On the October 6-7, 2011 broadcast of the paranormal-themed radio show Coast to Coast AM, professional remote viewer Ed Dames predicted a 40% unemployment rate, the imposition of martial law, and mass detainment in FEMA camps within the next two years. He said he didn’t believe there would be a presidential election in 2012 as a result of all this.
Back when he started predicting the “Killshot” (yet another solar flare that was supposed to destroy Earth), Dames’ crack team of remote viewers “saw” a bombed-out stadium and “many thousands” of dead Americans in relation to some unspecified disaster that Dames thought might strike during the Superbowl or the 2012 Olympics. Keep in mind that this guy used to claim a 100% success rate for properly-conducted remote viewing.

In 2008, similar predictions were issued by a team of other military-trained remote viewers working on a project for the Farsight Institute. They were supposed to be remote-viewing climate changes, but instead “saw” a huge meteorite slamming into an ocean, causing tidal waves and volcanic explosions. This would happen by 2013, they said.

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For pure psychic lulziness, check out this About.com roundup of predictions from “leading” psychics, ranging from “gold disappoints” to “the Holy Grail will be found”. Here are a few of the highlights:

“Psychic to the Stars” Nikki

These are some of the flat-out weirdest predictions I have ever seen. Nikki seems to be predicting cataclysmic, earth-shattering events on the order of 2012 or Birdemic, but she also takes time out to let us know what will be on TV. Sure, most of us will die, but Ellen stays on the air! And Stallone gets a Tony! So it’s all gonna be okay.

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I’ve tweaked Ms. Nikki’s predictions a little, because as written they look like drunk texts.

An earthquake will destroy most of Mexico City.
There will be a giant earthquake in California.
Animals and birds, wild and domestic, will attack people leading up to the end of 2012.
Someone will find giant prehistoric Sea Monsters under the sea.
There will be major UFO sightings all over the world. A spaceship might land.
North Korea will attack South Korea and Japan.
There will be an attack on the Vatican and the Pope.
Earth will fall off its axis a little more.
The Holy Grail will be found.
A plane crash will crash into the White House.
The map of the world will change because of catastrophic events happening in the world.
Ellen DeGeneres will join the army for one week.
Sylvester Stallone gets nominated for a Tony Award.
Madonna will break a leg.
There will be a National Hockey League for women.

Terry and Linda Jamison, The Psychic Twins

The Psychic Twins look kind of like the little girls from The Shining, all grown up and full of shit. They claim to be the world’s “most documented” psychics, with accurate predictions of 9/11 and the May 2000 stock market crash. So how did the creepy duo make out in 2012?

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Double your fail!

Terrorist attacks are planned for New York, Washington, Boston, Texas and Florida, but most of them will be thwarted.
Economic growth; no recession; unemployment stays about the same.
Letting go a negative patterns; more acceptance of positive patterns and choices.
Earthquakes in Mexico, eastern and western China, and in Los Angeles in April.

Don’t be sad that the good predictions didn’t pan out. I’m sure the Grail, sea monsters, and “positive patterns” will turn up this year. And even if they don’t, there’s still lots of fun stuff in the future. I, for one, am looking forward to mocking the hell out of Mike “The Health Ranger” Adams’ 20 Dark Predictions for 2013, the Year of Oppression and Insanity, in 2014.

No “Leap of Faith”

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Peter Gersten, the UFO disclosure activist who pledged to pitch himself from the top of Bell Rock in Sedona yesterday, confident that an interdimensional portal would open up and swallow him before he hit the ground, apparently didn’t jump. He showed up at Bell Rock on schedule, but told authorities and reporters he would jump only if the portal appeared. Since I haven’t seen any “ZOMG GIANT PORTAL” stories online today, I’m going to assume Mr. Gersten simply went home to wait for the next hippie doomsday.

“Have you ever seen a portal?”

Have the happiest holidays ever, and we’ll see you in the new year, if Hans can avoid getting baked for someone’s Christmas dinner.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: Maybe some people should stick with kitten calendars

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  • According to Swedish toxicologist Carl Johan Calleman, the Mayan Long Count calendar ended on October 28, 2011. This date was based on his own calculations, and doesn’t seem to have been accepted by any other Mayanists; they’re sticking with the December 21, 2012 end date. Calleman tells us the end of the calendar has resulted in a profound shift in consciousness for a number of people, several of whom now experience a “flattening of time, an end to time acceleration.” I have no idea what that’s all about, but if it means they don’t have to adhere to Daylight Savings, then it’s pretty damned cool.
  • Anyway, this is some very bad news if you’ve been following the story of attorney/UFO disclosure activist Peter Gersten. He plans to pitch himself off the top of Bell Rock in Sedona, Arizona, on December 21, 2012 at 11:11 UT (4:11 AM in Arizona), in the hope an interdimensional portal will open up and catch him before he hits the ground. Gersten fondly calls this plan his “leap of faith”. Other people call it “OMG WHY”. Gersten explains it all in this 2007 interview with ufologist/filmmaker Paul Kimball, who stays a little too calm throughout. (Kimball, on his blog, opines that the leap of faith is “perfectly logical…within the context of Gerston’s stated beliefs”, and that if Gerston jumps, he will “applaud him for having the courage of his convictions.” Whatta pal.)

I doubt that anyone will be able to talk Mr. Gersten out of this, but I’m calling upon anyone who knows him or can get in touch with him to at least try. Failing that, perhaps we can prevail upon the women of Arizona to start knitting the world’s largest net.

Book Review of The Return of Planet-X by Jaysen Q. Rand, Part II


continued from Part I

The Evidence


The Chronology of Planet-X

If X passes Earth roughly every 3600 years and its next fly-by is expected any minute now, then we’ve got an excellent idea of when these major cataclysms should’ve wracked the earth. The last wave of havoc should have occurred ’round about 1590 BC, in the late Bronze Age. The wave before that would have happened around 5190 BC, in the Stone Age. As we’ll see, Rand has a quite different chronology, with a margin of error of well over 1000 years. He states that X’s last fly-by occurred in 1447 BC.
The theories of Zechariah Sitchin and Immanuel Velikovsky become important here.

A crash course (haw haw) in Velikovsky & Sitchin

Like most people who’ve read it, Immanuel Velikovsky was confounded and somewhat appalled by Freud’s Moses and Monotheism (1939), in which Freud posited that Moses was a disciple of Akhenaten murdered by his followers sometime during the Exodus.
Most people shrug, say something like “Wow, Freud was kinda nuts at the end”, and move on. Not Velikovsky. He set out to prove that every event in the Old Testament happened precisely as described. Rather than producing another work of Judeo-Christian apologetics, however, he decided to take a stab at writing a scientific treatise blending history, archaeology, and astronomy. This was Worlds in Collision (1950). In it, Velikovsky proposed that beginning around 1500 BC, our solar system was engaged in a crazy cosmic pool game. First a monstrously huge comet broke off of Jupiter and zoomed extremely close to Earth, causing all the plagues of Egypt as well as the miracles of the Exodus. For instance, the plague of flies was really a plague of fly-like insects from Jupiter. Really.
Later this comet knocked Mars out of orbit and settled down to become the planet Venus, but that’s not for here.
Velikovsky’s comet caused just as much death and destruction as Rand’s X, but it was a boon to the homeless Hebrews in the desert. Its passage caused the planet to stop and tilt slightly on its axis, “dividing” the Red Sea just long enough for them to slip across the seabed unharmed. Its carbohydrate-rich tail provided manna for them to eat, and though Velikovsky doesn’t mention it, the comet was respectful enough to observe the Sabbath by not providing any manna on Sundays. What a nice comet. Compared to Velikovsky’s comet, Planet-X is a total asshole.

Note that Velikovsky’s date for the Exodus (1500 BC) somewhat matches Rand’s date of 1447 BC. They’re both quite different from the 1590 BC date we would expect for a celestial body with a 3600-year orbit, but hey, let’s give Rand some slack. We can’t honestly expect him to contradict one of the grand masters of catastrophism, can we? It’s clear that Rand uses – or at least admits to using – more of Velikovsky’s material than Sitchin’s. This is possibly because Sitchin’s work is not as Christian-oriented. Sitchin even hinted that God himself is a fabrication of the helpful but deceptive Anunnaki.

Sitchin , based on his own translations of interpretations of ancient Near East artwork and mythology, theorized that a distant planet called Nibiru (which is or is not Planet-X, depending on which page of Planet-X you read) passes by Earth in its elliptical orbit about every 3600 years. The only significant difference between Rand’s brown dwarf and Sitchin’s Nibiru is that Nibiru is inhabited by humanoids who can reach Earth by spaceship when their planet is close enough. Please don’t ask me how a planet so far from the Sun can foster intelligent humanoid life.

These Nibiruans probably spawned the Nephilim mentioned in Genesis, as well as the ancient gods of Sumer and Babylonia known as the Anunnaki. They’re responsible for the rapid evolution of man at certain points in our history, because they introduced metalworking, writing, mathematics, and pretty much every other major innovation. Without them, we’d still be morons playing with rocks. They may even have genetically engineered us to be a slave race, toiling in their mines.
Then the Sumerian god/ET overlord Enlil broke away from his evil brother Enki and freed us. Or something like that. It’s all in Sitchin’s 7-book series if you’re interested. For now let’s just keep in mind that Sitchin’s Nibiru timeline should mesh closely with Rand’s X timeline. Sitchin believes Nibiru swept by around 11, 000 BC, 7400 BC, and 3800 BC.
So, um, yeah. By Sitchin’s chronology, Nibiru wouldn’t have been anywhere near Earth during the Exodus.

Alright, so the chronology is totally screwed. Let’s move on to real, solid, meaty evidence of why we should believe that Planet-X regularly brings death and chaos to our “small and watery world hurtling though the vastness of the Milky Way Galaxy.”
In Rand’s view, science must start accepting ancient mythologies as straightforward historical accounts, and cease the “international coverup” of the evidence of recurrent global catastrophes caused by Planet-X.
Let’s keep Rand’s X chronology in mind as we review some of this “forbidden” evidence he cites:

“Gram” Hancock dove down to extensive ruins full of Doric columns in Quait Bay (off Alexandria, Egypt). To nitpick, “Quait Bay” is not a bay. It’s a fort named for the sultan who built it, Qaitbay. Graham Hancock has some photos of underwater “megalithic structures” off Alexandria on his website. There are no Doric columns visible, but it certainly isn’t unheard-of for ancient Egyptian structures to contain Hellenistic elements from the 3rd century AD on. So what the hell does this have to do with Planet-X? Nada. Besides, these ruins (if they are, indeed, ruins) are few and pitiful when compared to spectacular monuments discovered in the same waters off Alexandria. I’m not sure why Rand thinks Hancock’s site is of any special significance to his thesis.
For years, Hancock has been attempting to prove that a “pole shift” occurred about 10,000 years ago, followed by a global flood that wiped out several advanced civilizations (another timeline, just what we needed!). He routinely pulls out flimsy or outright retarded pieces of “evidence” to support his theories, and also creatively reinterprets actual archeaological evidence. He also uses the common pseudohistorian’s trick of interpreting myths as garbled accounts of real historical events and personages, a lead Rand follows in Planet-X.

Rand claims he and some diving buddies probably found the remains of Flight 19 while recreating its final flight, and while they were at it they discovered a 3000-lb. marble Doric column, which he refers to as “Atlantean“. It was later stolen. (Rand also discovered the possible site of the Fountain of Youth. It’s a sunken stone Lithium spring located in a mangrove swamp east of North Bimini.) These are *interesting* stories, but Rand presents zero evidence of his amazing discoveries. Not that they have anything to do with X, anyway. Again, a Doric column in the ocean won’t tell us anything about what may have happened in 1590 BC (or 1447 BC). It should be noted, too, that Rand didn’t come to the Atlantis conclusion through any kind of scientific analysis; Bimini is one of the most popular locations for Atlantis, because the “Bimini stones” were discovered there after Edgar Cayce said Atlantis would resurface off the coast of Florida sometime in the late ’60s.

Rand also tentatively locates Atlantis in the Azores, where in 2001, 18-story towers were discovered underwater. Rand just can’t seem to decide where the hell Atlantis was. Maybe it bounced around like the island in Lost. Anyway, I have no idea what he’s talking about here, unless he’s referring to very impressive mineral deposits discovered 1800 km from the Azores in 2000. These are natural geothermal chimneys.

Chaotic flood deposits of animal remains have been found in various parts of the world. Like Velikovsky and many creationists, Rand points to animal graveyards as evidence that mass extinctions were caused by a global flood or a sudden freeze. There are many reasons why animal remains would be jumbled together in certain places: Crevasses, the action of river currents, tar and mud pits. You don’t actually need a catastrophic event to explain them. And while the 15 or so mass extinctions that have occurred in the past were certainly caused (at least in part) by catastrophic events like carbon dioxide releases and comet and asteroid collisions, they were definitely not caused by a single worldwide flood nor by a “pole shift” (as we’ll see in part III).

Nicholas Flemming found the underwater city of Elaphonisos off Greece. Flemming found Pavlopetri off the Greek island of Elafonisos, actually. That’s how much in-depth research Rand has done. Pavolpetri dates to the Bronze Age and is the oldest submerged city yet discovered. It sank around 1000 BC.

Arthur Posnansky found “chaotic rubble” indicative of some great disaster on the shore of Lake Titicaca. Posnansky didn’t excavate the shore of Lake Titicaca. He explored nearby Tiahuanaca in the 1930s, and posited that an earthquake created the crack in the Gate of the Sun around 15,000 BC (though he didn’t find any rubble, or other evidence of seismic activity). Today, archaeologists estimate the city was built around 200 AD.

In 1993, a U-shaped underwater structure was found off the coast of Kadaikadu, India. There’s a site off Poomphuar touted by (guess who?) Graham Hancock because it is very deep (about 23 m) and contains a horseshoe-shaped “structure”. However, even Hancock is hesitant to declare this a manmade artifact, as exploration has been limited.

Paulina Zelitztsky and Paul Weinzweig claim to have found ruins constructed of polished granite, including a pyramid roughly 150 feet high, off the coast of Cuba in 2000. Alas, the only evidence they possess is an intriguing side scan sonar image, which doesn’t tell us much. Zelitztsky has declared the “ruins” are at least 12,000 years old, and possibly as old as 50,000. No freaking comment.

The Pakistani cities of Mohenjo Daro and Harappa contain roads covered with skeletons, some holding hands, as well as thousands of melted clay vessels. This is not even remotely the case. Mohenjo Daro is a thoroughly excavated World Heritage site, built around 2600 BC, and it shows no evidence of any sudden disaster other than some flooding of the Indus River. Nor does Harappa. On the contrary, many delicate and intricate works of art from these sites have been preserved.
But lots of strange rumours have surfaced about the two cities. Pseudohistorian Philip Coppens claims not only that Mohenjo Daro was “melted”, but that skeletons discovered there are radioactive – indicating an atomic blast. Similar misinfo can be found all over the Internets. It’s all unsourced.

In 1999, megalithic structures were found on the seabed near Malta. They resemble those found on the mainland. This “find” was supposedly announced to a “Paleo Astronaut Society” in Germany by archaeologist Hubert Zeitlmar, who claims the ruins resemble the famous temples of Malta. His video footage and photos have not been reproduced, and I can’t find any further info about Zeitlmar.
The mainland temples were constructed between about 3600-3000 BC.

Sunken kingdoms of legend: Cantre’r Gwaelod (Wales), Lyonesse (England). Welsh and Arthurian legend is not exactly straightforward history, but if you insist on using these examples I’ll just point out that Lyonesse hadn’t yet sunk during Arthur’s time (6th century AD), and that Cantre’r Gwaelod was flooded because some drunk forgot to close the dike.

I’m baffled as to why Rand used these weak examples of “forbidden archaeology”, rather than better-documented finds like the Yonaguni monument (Japan). Sure, no one knows if it’s manmade or not, but since it’s not dated Rand could argue that it sank in 1447 BC.
At any rate, you’ve probably noticed that the estimated ages of the ruins and suspected ruins in all of Rand’s examples in no way mesh with the supposed dates of Planet-X crossings. If you’re trying to prove that shit got real in 1447 BC, then you’re going to have to find examples of bad shit from that period. Pretty basic. You can’t just pick a random sunken city.
There are many sunken cities sprinkled around the planet, and in most cases the exact circumstances of their demises aren’t known. All we know is that they were sent to the bottom of the ocean by earthquakes, tsunamis, rising sea levels, or some combination of those things. A few, like Baiae, were simply built in the wrong places. It should go without saying that none of this has to be caused by the passage of giant celestial objects, “pole shifts”, or global floods.

Part III: “Pole Shifts”
Part IV: So does “Planet-X” exist?

Book Review: The Return of Planet X by Jaysen Q. Rand

The full title of this book won’t even fit in the space allotted for the blog post title, so here it is: The Return of Planet-X And Its Effects on Mother Earth ~ a Natural Disaster Survivor’s Manual ~ WORMWOOD: Mankind’s Ongoing Legacy With A Brown Dwarf Star by Jaysen Q. Rand, Ph.D. (FutureWorld Publishing, 2007).

Let’s start at the end, since starting at the beginning won’t make any more sense. The bibliography for Planet-X is the freaking weirdest I have ever seen in my life. It includes numerous sci-fi novels, the 1990 Guinness Book of World Records, a Jehovah’s Witness tract, and a book called Re-Discovering the Sacred by Phyllis A. Tickle. There are many non-academic works of Bible history, religious prophecy, and pseudohistory, written by people with extreme fondness for exclamation points, such as Gyeorgos Ceres Hatonn‘s Shrouds of the Seventh Seal (The Anti-Christ Whore of Babylon!) and Cataclysm! by D.S. Allan and J.B. Delair. Most interestingly, there are several works by one Harold Camping, a California radio preacher. His name comes up in the latest issue of Skeptical Inquirer magazine (May/June 2010). It seems Camping has used his own mathematical Bible Code to discover the date of the end of the world several times… and his latest date is May 21, 2011. That’s gotta hurt. You use the guy as the backbone of your 2012 theory, and he goes and pulls 2011 out of his hat.

There is no index. The text is errata-riddled, the punctuation bizarre (slashes are used in lieu of commas 99% of the time, and I lost count of the triple exclamations points!!!). Some pages are just blank. There’s neither rhyme nor reason to the layout, giving the impression of a scrapbook belonging to an insane person. Random photos jostle with sentimental free-verse poetry by Anonymous, Bible verses, and vaguely relevant clipart. Most of the photos are superfluous. One blurry photo of Earth is captioned, “Planet Earth – the continuing saga of a small watery world seemingly lost in space on its intrepid journey hurtling through the vastness of the Milky Way Galaxy here in the 21st Century.”

Moving forward (er, backward) from the bibliography, Planet-X concludes with a brief history of George Van Tassel’s Integratron. Rand lived on Van Tassel’s property in 1983-84 and wrote a book about his paranormal experiences there, The Reality Engineer. I still have no idea what this has to do with the end of the world.
There’s also a press release from the Binary Research Institute, and a critique of the Kyoto Accords, arguing that reforestation can offset some of the effects of the coming catastrophe – no curb on greenhouse gas emissions required.
The main text ends with a prophecy by “Mother Shipton” (a seeress who likely never existed).

So what is this imminent catastrophe, exactly? Let’s go to the beginning. The book starts out with the Wormwood passage from Revelation (8: 10, 11) and other Bible verses, along with excerpts from Planet-X itself, which is just weird. There are some additional subtitles, too, including “a working hypothesis based on science and fact”. We learn from these snippets that Dr. Rand has awkwardly melded Velikovsky‘s catastrophism to the Nibiru material of Zecharia Sitchin to create a “scientific” theory: Every 3600 years or so “Planet-X” (an undiscovered brown dwarf in our solar system) passes close to Earth on its wildly elliptical orbit, causing catastrophes aplenty. It last passed by us during the Biblical Exodus (dated here as 1447 BC), which Velikovsky explained in his 1950 masterpiece of pseudohistory and pseudoastronomy, Worlds in Collision. A “pole flip” may occur when X next passes Earth, either in September 2009 or December 2012. More on that concept later.

Planet-X is variously described as “a creative writing project”, a “timely natural disaster survivor’s manual”, a work “critically important for every American and citizen of planet Earth living today”, and a scientific treatise. At one point, Rand mentions he was given the “ET assignment of writing a number of books”.
Rand himself doesn’t quite seem to accept that the world as we know it will end in a few years. Early on, he suggests that a visit to your local planetarium would be fun and educational for the whole family. Screw the apocalypse, go to the Planet Arium!
In his “introductory overview”, he mentions that the book started out as a series of teleplays for a never-produced TV pilot, packed with “exciting Planet-X adventure themes”. Um, why propose a TV series if you think the world will end in five years? Who is this guy, anyway?

Jaysen Q. Rand, Ph.D.

The name sounds like one of those old-timey dramatic serials you can still find on the comics page, doesn’t it? I can just picture “Jaysen Q. Rand, Ph.D” next to Mary Worth and Prince Valiant.
But anyway, according to his bio and other info in the book, Rand is an alien abductee, a UFO researcher with close ties to Russian ufologists Lt. Col. Marina Popovich and her ex-husband, General Pavel Popovich, and a Grammy-nominated record producer with 35 gold/platinum records to his credit. The “dr.” comes from an honorary PhD bestowed by the Academy of Energyinformative Sciences sometime in the early ’90s. As the only accessible info about “energyinformative science” comes from the academy’s own website, I’m not exactly sure what it is. But it incorporates folk medicine, “cosmic biorythmology” [sic], astrology, “uphology” (the science of upholstery?), biolocation, psychology, psychotronics, and aerodynamics, and it seems to be another term for “eniology”, whatever that is.

Rand’s real name is Paul Bondora. Currently, he resides in a small town in Mississippi. The photo in Planet-X is incredibly outdated; Rand (b. 1939) is now in his golden years, as you can see in the promotional vid at the end of this post.
Last year, criminal charges of acting as a real estate agent without a license were filed against him, then dropped.
He apparently does have some background in the recording industry, but his Grammy nom and gold/platinum status are in question.
He first came to public attention with the publication of Planet-X and a 2008 appearance on Coast to Coast AM.

When did Rand first become interested in Planet-X? Well, it all began in Manitoba, in the year 1950. An ET named A-Lon saved 11-year-old Paul Bondora’s life, and Paul spent five hours aboard a landed spaceship with A-Lon’s family. They showed him an hour-long film about the history of Wormwood.

The Gist of Planet-X

We’re all going to die in two years. Well, most of us will die. There will be a few survivors – the lucky ones who purchased this book.
Rand believes that Earth’s geological, mythological, and even sociological history has been shaped by catastrophic upheavals more than anything else, and that most of these upheavals were caused by the repeated passage of “Planet-X”, the body referred to as “the star Wormwood” in the Book of Revelations. Our scientists and public officials know all about this “star” and its effects, but to avert widescale panic they have painstakingly hidden the truth of our planet’s history and future. The Bush administration doubled FEMA funding in 2002 because of Planet-X, for instance. Rand paradoxically insists that modern science is woefully ignorant of Earth’s cataclysmic history. This isn’t the only issue on which Rand contradicts the hell out of himself. On page 64 he asserts, “We believe Nibiru is ‘Wormwood’.” But go back to page 25 and you’ll read this: “Many Internet websites suggest that Planet-X be referred to as Planet Nibiru – one particular theory about ‘X’ that we don’t ascribe to [sic].”

X has been affecting Earth’s weather patterns since 2005, causing a record number of tropical storms. Rand predicted that it would make its first pass of Earth in 2009, causing massive natural disasters: a 180-degree “pole shift”, tsunamis, quakes, fires, volcanic eruptions. I’m sure you remember all this happening, so I won’t go into any detail.
In 2012, all this stuff (and probably more) will occur again when X makes its second pass. Oh, and “as our planet’s vibratory rate increases daily we’re also beginning to see phenomenal shifts in our personal time-based physical reality streams.”
This is all New Age-speak for “Shit’s gonna get real.” And that’s pretty much all Rand has to say. The rest of the book is filler. Rand speculates that the “Nefilim” aliens written of by Sitchin may already be on Earth, preparing a Rapture-like scenario in which they will ferry select humans to safety. Another possibility is that the hybridization programs so often mentioned by alien abductees are the aliens’ effort to repopulate Earth with a new species.

There’s also a lot of material about Atlantis and other “lost kingdoms” destroyed by brushes with X. Rand points to ruins discovered near the Azores, Cuba, India, the Thar Desert, Peru, and Malta as evidence of sudden catastrophes. We’ll look at some of this archaeological evidence in Part II, along with “pole shifts”.

Promotional video for The Return of Planet-X (Part I)

Git in the Truck, the Singularity’s A-Comin’!

Them scientificist folks are at it again, playin’ around with some-such as they shouldn’t be, that Big Hadron Collider-thingamajig. Galileo predicted the world would end ’cause of this. Or maybe it was Nostradamus. I get them Eye-talian fellers mixed up.