Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

  • Our old buddy Alfred Webre is taking Stephen Hawking to task not only for talking smack about theoretical aliens, but for being part of a vast time travel cover-up. I actually admire this, because it takes serious skills to live at this level of WTFery 24/7.
  • This rather insane site insists that the recent shooting death of a man named John Hemenway has something to do with his father’s participation in the Birther crusade. The senior John Hemenway was an attorney in Philip Berg’s Hollister v. Soetoro lawsuit, which was thrown out of court faster than a drunk bailiff. The “logic” here goes that rather than just whacking Hemenway (which wouldn’t be difficult; he’s in his 80s), Obama’s secret guerrilla death squad or whatever killed his son. Maybe they don’t like frivolous lawsuits.
  • Roughly five minutes after Polish Air Force plane Tu-154 crashed in Russia on April 10, conspiracy theorists around the world were declaring it the assassination of Polish president Lech Kaczynski. Clearly, the New World Order created the dense fog and crappy visibility that precipitated the crash. Now Truthergirl Karen is on the case, wondering if the globalist scumlords took out Kaczynski because Poland didn’t fall in line with The Great Swine Flu Plot of ’09, or because it considered going against the EU’s monetary interests. Now she’s repeating the claim that Andrei Mendierej, a videographer who filmed the crash site, has also been assassinated. There are a few fishy things about this crash, but the main problem with the New World Order assassination theory is that Kaczynski was actually quite chummy with the NWO (or at least the G.W. Bush branch of it).

 

The Top 10 Obama Smears

In honour of the 44th President of the United States, I decided to catalogue the Top Ten stupidest smears, urban legends, and conspiracy theories that have been spun around Barack Obama since his election campaign. He’s here in spite of them all, and I think that says something about smear campaigns: They’re a complete waste of time.

10. According to “Frank Black” (not of The Pixies), Obama’s mom was a CIA cut-out recruited by U.S. intelligence in the ’50s to infiltrate black radical organizations, sleep with the men, and find out their secrets. “Obama is probably the result of one of these sexual encounters…it is very likely no one knows who is the real father…

Around the time of his birth, someone in Intell [sic] decided to use the ‘unwanted child’ for ‘the ultimate infiltration’.

And that is why we don’t know anything about Obama. He has been wiped clean. He is the ultimate cut out.”

Frank Black doesn’t cite a single source for his theory. Not one.

The notion that “we don’t know anything” about Obama is laughable; U.S. presidential candidates get the most thorough comb-over imaginable.

9. According to Alex Jones, Obama is a closet Muslim who is going to usher in Muslim/Black Identity/Nation of Islam terrorism and persecution of whites.

This one’s not worth any commentary.

The original source of the “secret Muslim” rumour appears to be an Illinois lawyer named Andy Miller, known for his outrageous, defamatory, and unsubstantiated declarations.

When I pointed out to a blogger that there is no such thing as a closeted Muslim, she replied, “We don’t know about closeted Muslims because they’re closeted.” Unassailable logic, that. We don’t know they exist because they technically don’t exist. So Miller et. al. could just be – and I suggest this purely for the sake of argument – MAKING THIS SH** UP?!

8. Obama bribed Time magazine to become its person of the year for 2008.

Unlikely. But maybe Rudy Guliani did.

7. Obama is a Satanist. Ann Coulter and FOX News’s James Pinkerton, among others, pointed out that Obama admired leftist Saul Alinsky, and that Alinksy dedicated his 1971 book Rules for Rebels to Lucifer, the “first radical”. With her characteristic subtlety, Coulter titled her column on the topic “Obama: Satan is My Homeboy.”

6. According to a video on YouTube (the fount of all wisdom), Obama uses Neuro-Linguistic Programming to hypnotize/brainwash us. This vid had received 10,000 hits as of November 7.

If this one’s true, all I can say is, “That is so ’87.”

5. Ashley Todd, the McCain campaign volunteer who beat herself up and blamed her bruises on a psychotic (fictional) mugger/Obama supporter, was really an Obama supporter working as a double agent, or perhaps an ACORN operative posing as a Republican.

Nice try. There are paid political provocateurs, but this bi*** is simply too stupid to be one of them.

4. Obama is the antiChrist.

So is Jimmy Carter, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Prince Charles. There’s an entire blog devoted to this one.

3. Obama has sex with men, then kills them to keep them from talking. He murdered the choir director of his former church for this very reason.

I covered this one here.

2. Obama will usher in the New World Order. The Illuminati selected and groomed him for just this purpose; McCain was never meant to win. Again, the source is Alex Jones (hence not worthy of comment), but you might be interested to know that the following rant was delivered when Ron Paul was the guest on Jones’s show – and Mr. Paul didn’t disagree with a word of it.

According to Jones, the Obama administration already has plans to unleash “unmitigated depression” and “squads of youth brigades”, and Barack Obama will “probably be the president that has me arrested…a lot of us are going to be arrested, a lot of us are going to be hunted down and killed. A great time of darkness is upon us. Prepare for the New World Order to drink the blood of the innocent…Prepare for the death squads, prepare for Communist-style mass murder…”

1. Obama is ineligible for the Presidency because he was not born in the U.S.

The main proponent of this one is attorney Philip J. Berg, whose lawsuit to force Obama to present his “real” birth certificate was thrown out of court. Berg then declared he and his supporters had a recording of Obama’s paternal grandmother revealing that Obama was born in Kenya, and promised to release it to the media within a few days of the election. To date, it has not been released.

Unlike the other theories on the list, this one at least had a small amount of “evidence” to prop it up: A “Ron Polarik” analyzed an image of Obama’s Hawaiian Certificate of Live Birth and declared the certificate a forgery. Unfortunately for him, no one with any credibility seconded his conclusions. In fact, many Haiwaiian officials who don’t use pseudonyms have vouched for the certificate’s authenticity and affirmed that Obama was, indeed, born in Hawaii.

Perhaps the saddest aspect of this smear is that conservative commentators like Little Green Footballs refused to entertain it not because it’s ludicrous, but because Berg is infamous for representing 9/11 Truthers in their lawsuits against the government (all of which have been thrown out).