In honour of the 44th President of the United States, I decided to catalogue the Top Ten stupidest smears, urban legends, and conspiracy theories that have been spun around Barack Obama since his election campaign. He’s here in spite of them all, and I think that says something about smear campaigns: They’re a complete waste of time.
10. According to “Frank Black” (not of The Pixies), Obama’s mom was a CIA cut-out recruited by U.S. intelligence in the ’50s to infiltrate black radical organizations, sleep with the men, and find out their secrets. “Obama is probably the result of one of these sexual encounters…it is very likely no one knows who is the real father…
Around the time of his birth, someone in Intell [sic] decided to use the ‘unwanted child’ for ‘the ultimate infiltration’.
And that is why we don’t know anything about Obama. He has been wiped clean. He is the ultimate cut out.”
Frank Black doesn’t cite a single source for his theory. Not one.
The notion that “we don’t know anything” about Obama is laughable; U.S. presidential candidates get the most thorough comb-over imaginable.
9. According to Alex Jones, Obama is a closet Muslim who is going to usher in Muslim/Black Identity/Nation of Islam terrorism and persecution of whites.
This one’s not worth any commentary.
The original source of the “secret Muslim” rumour appears to be an Illinois lawyer named Andy Miller, known for his outrageous, defamatory, and unsubstantiated declarations.
When I pointed out to a blogger that there is no such thing as a closeted Muslim, she replied, “We don’t know about closeted Muslims because they’re closeted.” Unassailable logic, that. We don’t know they exist because they technically don’t exist. So Miller et. al. could just be – and I suggest this purely for the sake of argument – MAKING THIS SH** UP?!
8. Obama bribed Time magazine to become its person of the year for 2008.
Unlikely. But maybe Rudy Guliani did.
7. Obama is a Satanist. Ann Coulter and FOX News’s James Pinkerton, among others, pointed out that Obama admired leftist Saul Alinsky, and that Alinksy dedicated his 1971 book Rules for Rebels to Lucifer, the “first radical”. With her characteristic subtlety, Coulter titled her column on the topic “Obama: Satan is My Homeboy.”
6. According to a video on YouTube (the fount of all wisdom), Obama uses Neuro-Linguistic Programming to hypnotize/brainwash us. This vid had received 10,000 hits as of November 7.
If this one’s true, all I can say is, “That is so ’87.”
5. Ashley Todd, the McCain campaign volunteer who beat herself up and blamed her bruises on a psychotic (fictional) mugger/Obama supporter, was really an Obama supporter working as a double agent, or perhaps an ACORN operative posing as a Republican.
Nice try. There are paid political provocateurs, but this bi*** is simply too stupid to be one of them.
4. Obama is the antiChrist.
So is Jimmy Carter, Mikhail Gorbachev, and Prince Charles. There’s an entire blog devoted to this one.
3. Obama has sex with men, then kills them to keep them from talking. He murdered the choir director of his former church for this very reason.
I covered this one here.
2. Obama will usher in the New World Order. The Illuminati selected and groomed him for just this purpose; McCain was never meant to win. Again, the source is Alex Jones (hence not worthy of comment), but you might be interested to know that the following rant was delivered when Ron Paul was the guest on Jones’s show – and Mr. Paul didn’t disagree with a word of it.
According to Jones, the Obama administration already has plans to unleash “unmitigated depression” and “squads of youth brigades”, and Barack Obama will “probably be the president that has me arrested…a lot of us are going to be arrested, a lot of us are going to be hunted down and killed. A great time of darkness is upon us. Prepare for the New World Order to drink the blood of the innocent…Prepare for the death squads, prepare for Communist-style mass murder…”
1. Obama is ineligible for the Presidency because he was not born in the U.S.
The main proponent of this one is attorney Philip J. Berg, whose lawsuit to force Obama to present his “real” birth certificate was thrown out of court. Berg then declared he and his supporters had a recording of Obama’s paternal grandmother revealing that Obama was born in Kenya, and promised to release it to the media within a few days of the election. To date, it has not been released.
Unlike the other theories on the list, this one at least had a small amount of “evidence” to prop it up: A “Ron Polarik” analyzed an image of Obama’s Hawaiian Certificate of Live Birth and declared the certificate a forgery. Unfortunately for him, no one with any credibility seconded his conclusions. In fact, many Haiwaiian officials who don’t use pseudonyms have vouched for the certificate’s authenticity and affirmed that Obama was, indeed, born in Hawaii.
Perhaps the saddest aspect of this smear is that conservative commentators like Little Green Footballs refused to entertain it not because it’s ludicrous, but because Berg is infamous for representing 9/11 Truthers in their lawsuits against the government (all of which have been thrown out).
Swallowing The Camel 
So let me get this straight. Jones now believes that Obama is intent on ushering “in Muslim/Black Identity/Nation of Islam terrorism and persecution of whites” (9) at the same time as being selected by the “Illuminati” to usher in the New World Order (2). Wouldn’t 2 contradict 9 if we were to believe everything he’s stated in the past about every other person on the planet who he doesn’t like? I’m pretty sure Bush wasn’t into 2.I try to avoid Jones at all costs so I don’t know if it comes up much but does anybody ever point out contradictions in his thinking to him? How does he respond to such things?
* sorry I meant to say “I’m pretty sure Bush wasn’t into 9”. Not that I’m suggesting he was into either.
Sadly, anon, no one except you points out the many contradictions of Alex Jones. He insists he doesn’t screen his calls, but so few critics get through that I’m doubtful about that. However, when some sensical person does (against all odds) get a chance to point out Jones’s errors, he always has a handy rationalization. For example: If you pointed out that the NOI does not have any aims in common with the “NWO”, he would scream, “It’s divide and conquer! They want us to hate each other, they want us to kill each other! WAKE UP!! AAAAGH!!!” Etc. There is absolutely no freaking way that the NOI is a tool of any Bush-affiliated New World Order, of course. And if we’re all being rounded up and slaughtered in FEMA camps (hahaha), who cares if there’s some racism thrown into the mix? Sheesh. I sometimes wonder if Jones even listens to himself.
Think I prefer the South Park conspiracy theory. McCain, Palin, Obama and his wife are all master thieves, who ran against each other so that Palin could act like an idiot, McCain like a fool, and Obama would land in the white house. The point being to gain access to a secret tunnel, running under the Smithsonian, so they they could steal the Hope Diamond. At the end, Obama decides to retire and, “Actually try out this president thing.”lol
Brilliant. Probably true, too. ;DMy conspiracy theory of Ted Kennedy’s collapse is that it was a stage-managed psychodrama designed to reinforce the notion that Obama, with the Kennendy stamp of approval, is basically continuing the Kennedy line and the Kennedy Doctrine. A symbolic passing of the torch. Do I actually believe that? Just as much as I believe South Park.
OMG, you don’t believe South Park??being sort of non-political, I should tell ya I voted for him…not as the lesser of two evils or anything (and I really had no time for McCain)..but because I think Obama really can make a difference..he’s young, probably not totally corrupted..AND he seems to care about US…we’ll see where it goes.
Yeah, it’s nice seeing a President who won’t be going straight from the White House into an old folks’ home…Not that there’s anything wrong with wisdom and experience. It’s just, y’know, time for some new blood.
I personally prefer the Colbert Conspiracy. Barack Obama is not only Nazi and Islamic, but a “Time-Traveling Nazi Muslim!”
Time-traveling Nazi, eh? Hmm. Maybe that could help explain this guy:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wakefield_Massacre
How sad that you view Obama as legitimate and Alex Jones full of nonsense. You’re pure evil. Obama supports out of womb infanticide and that doesn’t bother you among the hoards of things he’s doing to our country to destroy it? You’re totally absurd to be supporting Obama. I won’t waste another minute on your blog.