Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

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  • Leah Haley was by far one of the most interesting alien abductees on the scene today. She has a couple of firsts to her credit: She was the first to write a children’s book designed to help kids view their alien abductions as positive, edifying experiences, and she was the first to claim she was inside an alien spacecraft when it was shot down by the U.S. military. Now, however, Haley believes that every last one of her “alien” encounters was actually a military abduction, or MILAB. In March, she told UFO blogger Jack Brewer that none of it was real; it was all a cover for government mind control experimentation. Farewell, Ceto.
  • In related news, Charles Hickson passed away on September 9. Hickson was involved in one of the strangest UFO encounters ever reported, the Pascagoula incident of 1973. He and his 19-year-old fishing buddy, Calvin Parker, were supposedly levitated into a spaceship and examined by eyeless, carrot-nosed aliens.
  • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his government leaders are proof positive that once you deny the Holocaust (or any major, well-documented historical event, for that matter), you no longer have to live in reality. In June, he declared that Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, the Iranian woman sentenced to stoning for adultery in 2006, wasn’t really given a death sentence – that was all a media hoax. An Iranian official had already tried to stifle the worldwide outcry against Ashtiani’s sentence by stating, in contradiction to all previous statements, that Ashtiani was also convicted of murdering her husband (she was actually acquitted). And Youcef Nedarkhani, the Christian minister sentenced to death for blasphemy against Islam? He’s really on trial for rape and extortion, even though the court documents only mention blasphemy.
  • Face discovered in testicular tumour“. Stay classy, Telegraph.
  • Who is the artist known as the Philadelphia Wireman? His or her enigmatic metal sculptures were salvaged from the trash in the early ’80s, and since that time there have been murmurs that they’re a hoax perpetrated by John Ollman of the Fleischer/Ollman Gallery. The Wireman’s pieces are currently on display there.

Book Review: Flying Saucers and the Three Men by Albert K. Bender


I was fortunate enough to snag this somewhat rare book for just $2.50 at a secondhand bookstore recently. It’s famous in ufology circles for giving the first in-depth description of the Men in Black, those not-quite-human, not-quite alien dudes who show up after close encounters to tell witnesses, “You saw the planet Venus.” The first book to mention them was was Gray Barker‘s They Knew Too Much About Flying Saucers (1956), and I doubt it’s any coincidence that Barker was also the publisher and editor of Flying Saucers and the Three Men.

Albert K. Bender was a sci-fi and horror aficionado from Bridgeport, Connecticut, who founded one of the first UFO organizations, the International Flying Saucer Bureau (IFSB), in 1952. Just two years later, he shut it down with the cryptic explanation that the saucer mystery had been solved, and it would be dangerous to continue the IFSB’s work. For over a decade, Bender refused to give more than a handful of tantalizing clues to why the IFSB had folded.

Then, in 1968, West Virginian ufologist and publisher Gray Barker released this book, a full account of what happened to Bender and the IFSB.
Barker remains an enigmatic and controversial figure in the world of ufology, the subject of two documentaries (Whispers from Space and the recent Shades of Gray) and much speculation. He undoubtedly staged a few hoaxes in his time, and allegedly confessed that he created the Men in Black out of whole cloth. So it should come as no shock that Bender’s book props up some of Barker’s own work. For instance, the three Men in Black who visited Bender were actually aliens in disguise, and their true form resembled that of the “Flatwoods Monster”. Barker was the chief investigator and promoter of the Flatwoods incident.

YouTube user dslavin’s Spore rendition of the Flatwoods Monster

Bender gives us a very detailed overview of the IFSB’s formation and work, then delves into the reasons for its closure: Bender had an out-of-body experience, apparently caused by visitors from outer space, and in his astral body was taken to a spaceship stationed somewhere in the Antarctic. His escorts on this journey were three aliens with brightly glowing “lightbulb” eyes, disguised as floating men dressed all in black (black suits, black gloves, black homburg hats). On board the ship, another Flatwoods-type alien disguised as a human gave him a brief history of alien visitation to Earth, and explained that the aliens were mining our oceans for some unnamed substance essential to their survival. The refining process they used on the saltwater produced a strange, stringy byproduct that was sometimes left behind (though Bender doesn’t name this stuff, it was very common to early UFO reports and was usually referred to as “angel hair”. After the ’50s, it vanished from UFO stories).
The aliens expressed great concern about our use of nuclear weapons and energy, but they didn’t seem too eager to help out in any way. They just wanted to mine our oceans, then return to their home planet without any trouble. For this reason, they warned Bender not to say anything about their presence. If he did, he might just become a hostage like a few other meddling humans. Once they were safely en route back home, the aliens told Bender, he could reveal everything they had told him.

Silly as all this is, Bender’s book gives us invaluable insight into the early years of American ufology and the creation of the UFO mythos. Interestingly, it contains what may be the first mention of an alien implant; Bender experienced strange headaches both before and after his encounters with the “three men”, and suspected that they had placed some sort of object in his sinus cavity. Of course, many of today’s alien abductees believe this is exactly what the aliens have done to them (in Bender’s case, an X-ray showed no abnormalities). The book also touches on other pseudoscientific theories that are still with us today, including pole shifts (a favourite topic of the 2012 catastrophist crowd). For anyone interested in the roots of ufology and the making of modern legends, Flying Saucers and the Three Men is well worth a read.

Wednesday Weirdness: More Hybrids

As I did with the Satanic Nephilim hybrids of Pastor Doug Riggs, I’m giving you another big chunk of weirdness in lieu of the Wednesday Weirdness Roundup… this time involving alien-human hybrids, hypnosis, and deeply disturbing allegations about the professional conduct of Dr. David M. Jacobs of Temple University.

Dr. Jacobs is an associate professor of history at Temple, but since the ’70s he has been far better-known as an investigator of UFO sightings and alien abduction accounts. His second book on the subject, Secret Life: Firsthand Accounts of UFO Abductions, was an examination of data provided by about 60 alien abductees Jacobs had hypnotized. He concluded that alien abductions were very structured, typically consisting of the same procedures conducted in the same order. After floating their captives into a UFO, the small gray-skinned aliens place the person on a metal table that seems designed specifically for humans, then perform a strange physical exam that usually involves skimming their fingers over the person’s body and taking a tissue sample from behind the knee. Sometimes an “implant” roughly the size of a BB is inserted into the person’s nose, or an implant is removed. (Over time, Jacobs came to believe these implants allowed the aliens to access abductees’ memories.)
Examination is followed by what Jacobs refers to as “Mindscan”; an alien entity slightly taller than the others approaches the abductee and stares fixedly at him/her with its enormous black eyes. Though Mindscan often elicits strong emotional responses, Jacob explains, its exact purpose remains unknown.
After Mindscan, the most important procedure of all is performed. Using odd suction devices, the aliens remove sperm or eggs from the abductee and presumably squirrel away the samples for an arcane breeding project. This, in Jacobs’ opinion, is the point of all the abductions. The aliens have little to no interest in the affairs of earthlings; they just want our genetic material, and they’re using it to create alien-human hybrids that will eventually take over the planet. He shares this view with his friend and associate Budd Hopkins, a New York author and artist who also conducts hypnosis sessions with abductees. Hopkins was the first abduction researcher to suggest the alien breeding hypothesis, in his 1987 book Intruders (an examination of the Debbie Jordan-Kauble case).

The aliens seem to have more on their agenda than mere genetic engineering, however. The abductions described by Jacobs and Hopkins occur throughout the abductees’ lifetimes, as though the people are being monitored.

This was certainly the case with “Emma Woods”, a middle-aged woman who contacted Jacobs in 2002, after reading Secret Life. She suspected that anomalous events she had experienced since her childhood in the ’60s could have something to do with aliens.
Jacobs offered to conduct hypnosis sessions with her over the phone, beginning in late 2004.

Full conscious recollection of alien abduction is rare. According to Jacobs and other researchers, the aliens have some means of artificially suppressing memories of abduction events, and these can only be retrieved through hypnotic regression. This is a controversial practice even within the UFO/abduction field, yet it has been used on most of the famous abductees: Betty and Barney Hill, Herb Schirmer, Betty Andreasson-Luca, Debra Jordan-Kauble, Linda Napolitano. Some of these people were hypnotized by hypnotherapists, but many abductees have been hypnotized by Budd Hopkins, David Jacobs, and other UFO researchers who haven’t actually been trained in the use of hypnosis. As you probably know, and as Jacobs himself realizes, hypnotic regression can lead to confabulation.

The following information comes from Emma’s website, ufoalienabductee.com, on which she has extensively documented her dealings with Jacobs and another abductee known as “Elizabeth Smith”. She has posted audio clips of some of her phone conversations with Jacobs, but obviously I can’t vouch for the veracity or accuracy of anything on her website. I encourage you to review her materials and decide for yourself.

Prior to hypnosis, Jacobs had Emma sign a Temple University research consent form. (It’s unclear, at this point, if Temple has any official connection to his abduction research.) He also suggested that someone be with her during the sessions, but Emma assured him she felt comfortable proceeding alone. Over the next 3 years, Jacobs carried out 37 hypnosis sessions with Emma, averaging 5 hours in length. They all included hypnotic regressions, to help Emma recover details of her experiences, from childhood to the present (she had only fragmentary conscious memories of the “anomalous experiences”). For example, Emma consciously recalled feeling an urge to sleep in her backyard one night in 1967, when she was five years old. She did so, and was awakened by a bright overhead light. That’s all she could remember. Under hypnosis, however, she described herself and a friend who was spending the night being herded along a corridor by five gray aliens. She was examined on a table, then taken to a room to stare at a black screen (similar to the Mindscan and Imaging described by Jacobs). Afterward, she and her friend were introduced to a roomful of human-looking children that Jacobs identified as alien-human hybrids.

Emma now suspects that her memories could be the product of hypnosis and Jacobs’ leading questions. He had warned her that some memories can be confabulated under hypnosis. But that’s only one disturbing aspect of her interactions with Dr. Jacobs. In 2006, “Elizabeth Smith” (who was not only a research subject, but Jacobs’ webmaster) began receiving emails and instant messages from alien-human hybrids, and these same hybrids sent messages to Jacobs from her computer. One message warned Jacobs to stop working with Emma, as a group of hybrids believed her sessions were compromising “security”. Jacobs shared these communications with Emma. Naturally, she thought they were written by Elizabeth herself, but Jacobs professed to believe they were really from hybrids. The communications continued for the next two years, growing more sinister and complex.

In 2007 Emma began to share her experiences online, on her own website. Jacobs became “overwrought”. He told Emma this would render him vulnerable to criticism by debunkers (BINGO), and in violation of the Temple University research agreement, he even threatened to publicize Emma’s name and “paint a horrible picture” of her if she went public. He later retracted these threats, but the hybrids took over where he left off. They warned Jacobs and Elizabeth that they and/or their families would be killed if they went public with their stories. By this time, Elizabeth had entered into a sexual relationship with a hybrid she called “Jay” or “J”, who actually rented an apartment near her home and passed as human.

As batsh** crazy as all this sounds, it’s perfectly in keeping with Jacobs’ views on the abduction phenomenon. He contends that abductees are helping hybrids adjust to life on Earth so they can successfully pass as human and effect a global takeover.

Disturbingly, Jacobs shared details of Elizabeth’s experiences with Emma and vice versa, apparently without either woman’s permission. The two women were also in contact with one another via email. This sort of cross-contamination and lack of professionalism would cast serious doubt on Jacobs’ research results, but if Emma’s allegations are true, that ship sailed a long time ago.
Jacobs told Emma that Elizabeth had twice confessed to writing the hybrid messages herself, but he refused to accept this explanation and concluded that hybrids had forced her to write the confession emails while she was in an altered state, or perhaps took over her consciousness for brief periods. He claimed the hybrids were manipulating Elizabeth’s actions through a system of threats and punishments. In one email sent to Emma he wrote, “The aliens have decided that Elizabeth should come down and visit me. I do not want that and neither does she. They are obviously trying to locate me. Paranoia runs rampant as I realize I am definitely a target for them.” In August 2006, he told Emma he was “on the run” from aliens who opposed his work, viewing him as a threat to their “program”. He entered into a tense negotiation with the aliens, and kept Emma apprised of developments via email. By late September, he had reached an agreement whereby the aliens would not put an implant in his body if he kept quiet about Jay’s apartment.

Weirdly, Jacobs received hybrid emails from Emma’s computer, as well. She came to believe she wrote them in her sleep. They were similar to Elizabeth’s.

When the hybrids warned Dr. Jacobs that it was dangerous for him to work with Emma, she decided it was time to end her cooperation with his research. (Note, please, that since Emma began spilling the beans in 2007, no harm has come to Dr. Jacobs.)

Jacobs told Emma that in order to protect them all from hybrid retaliation, he needed to pretend he was interacting with Elizabeth and Emma for some reason unrelated to alien abduction. You see, Jacobs is something of an expert on alien/hybrid telepathy, and he feared the hybrids would read their minds. So he suggested to Emma, while she was under hypnosis, that she had Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder), on the pretext that if he posed as an MPD researcher, this would fool the hybrids.

This part of Emma’s story, at least, has some truth to it. In March of this year, some audio clips of the phone calls between Jacobs and Emma were featured on the Paratopia podcast hosted by Jeremy Vaeni and Jeff Ritzman, bringing attention to Emma’s allegations. Jacobs responded to Emma’s allegations on his website, and in that response he admitted to the MPD ruse.
In his version of the story, Jacobs alleges that “Alice” may have Borderline Personality Disorder, though this conclusion was reached solely through informal consultations with mental health professionals who have never met Emma and relied solely on Jacobs’ interpretation of her behaviour. How very ethical.
According to Jacobs, it was Emma – not Elizabeth or himself – who claimed to be menaced by hybrids. Not knowing if this was the case or not (!), and knowing that hybrids may be telepathic (!!), he arranged with “Alice” to discuss MPD during their hypnosis sessions so that the hybrids wouldn’t know what was really going on. But wouldn’t the hybrids learn of this scheme by reading their minds? If Jacobs is trying to convince us that he’s a sane and rational guy, then FAIL.

Emma now believes that Jacobs never really bought into the hybrid threats, but used them to intimidate and guilt her into silence.

The only firm conclusion I can reach after reviewing the allegations and counter-allegations in this case is that both Emma Woods and David Jacobs experienced a serious disconnect with reality. At best, the three people involved fed off each other’s fantasies to create a delusional belief system that undermined their mental and emotional well-being. At worst, Jacobs used bizarre alien psychodrama to psychologically abuse and gaslight an already vulnerable woman, in a vain effort to protect his reputation as an “academic historian”. Either way, Jacobs is not currently fit to work with emotionally troubled people in any sort of quasi-therapeutic manner. If it is affiliated with Jacobs’ “research”, Temple University has a responsibility to investigate his methods.

Other sources:

– Close Encounters of the Fourth Kind: Alien Abduction, UFOs, and the Conference at M.I.T. by C.D.B. Bryan (Alfred A. Knopf, 1995)
Hopkins and Jacobs were presenters at the 1992 alien abduction conference co-chaired by M.I.T. physicist David E. Pritchard and the late Harvard psychiatrist John Mack. In addition to summarizing Jacobs’ “common abduction scenario matrix”, which some attendees criticized as imposing a pattern on what many see as a highly unpredictable phenomenon, Bryan’s book extensively documents Budd Hopkins’ use of hypnosis in questioning abductees Anna Jamerson and Beth Collings (“Alice” and “Carol”).

– Hopkins explains and defends his use of hypnosis in his essay “Hypnosis and the Investigation of UFO Abduction Accounts”, published in the book UFOs and Abductions: Challenging the Borders of Knowledge (University Press of Kansas, 2000), edited by David Jacobs.

– Many of Jacobs’ conference lectures and radio interviews have been posted to YouTube. Together with Jacobs’ website, they give a fair overview of his positions on the abduction phenomenon and confirm that he does, indeed, believe human-alien hybrids are infiltrating our society.

And speaking of cool UFO events that didn’t actually happen…

October 15th is “Interplanetary Confederation Day”, at least according to the Unarius Academy. The promotional vid below (via Everything is Terrible) shows us some Unarian pageantry *that isn’t weird at all*, and tells us that the space brothers will arrive in 2001. Yay, they’re here! Oh, wait, it’s 2010. Never mind. As you were.

Happy Interplanetary Confederation Day! Celebrate!

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

  • On this very day, according to former NORAD officer Stanley A. Fullham’s book and website Challenges of Change, there was to be “a massive UFO display over the world’s principal cities.” Sorry if you missed that. Pay attention next time. One commenter at Above Top Secret notes something fishy about all the media coverage of the Chilean miners’ rescue: “This event is more like a severe dramatisation, almost like it was staged to occur on this day. At the rate they are rescuing people, they will be done by tomorrow morning. Now i dont [sic] want to say it, but wasnt [sic] their [sic] a prediction of a mass alien display today? 13th October?”
  • On another conspiranoid forum (Godlikeproductions), one user asks exactly the sort of evolved and compassionate questions that one would expect from someone with the username “AscendedMaster824”: “HONESTLY! How many of you care whether or not the chilean [sic] miners are rescued? Don’t get me wrong its [sic] a beautiful thing once reunited their families, but with all the other shit going on in the world why are we hearing about some trapped miners?”
  • On September 26, Henry Makow posted a photo of a statue and labeled it “Example of New World Order Satanic Art in Copenhagen”. It’s a very simple rendering of a male figure who has beheaded himself. In one hand he holds a knife, in the other his own featureless head. It’s a little creepy, sure, but what does it have to do with the “NWO” or Satanism? Mr. Makow would truly freak if he saw the work of Magdalena Abakanowicz
  • This is easily the weirdest forum comment I’ve seen all week: “Police Telephone”, on the Rigorous Intuition discussion board, tries to explain the intricate connections among Drew Barrymore, female tattoos, giant rabbits, and mind control. And kinda fails.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: Awesome Alien Stories

…that turned out to be b.s.

  • By now you’ve probably heard that the UN has appointed an “alien greeter” to welcome ETs to Earth. Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman was selected for the unprecedented task, probably because she already heads a “little-known” UN department called the Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA), based in Vienna. Well, it’s a hoax. UNOOSA really exists, and Othman does head it, but she told the Guardian she has not been asked to become an alien ambassador. The story was first reported by Sunday Times science editor Jonathan Leake, who appears to be standing behind his reporting. The reason for the discrepancy has not yet been explained. Several bloggers, like Loren Coleman, have pointed out the interesting fact of Othman’s name: M. Othman.
  • I recently came across an episode of the Mexican TV show OVNI (UFO) that claims a clan of “Nordic” aliens are living on Friendship Island off the coast of Chile. Since the early ’80s, various contactees have claimed to be in radio and/or telepathic communication with these aliens, and one man insists the aliens cured his cancer. There are even tape recordings of some of the radio conversations. However, the most interesting part of the story is not the ET colony, but the fact that there is no “Friendship Island”. This website gives a good rundown of the story’s origins.
  • Kirsan Ilyumzhinov, the newly re-elected head of the World Chess Federation (FIDE), professes to believe that aliens brought chess to Earth (along with corn and the Internet). Ilyumzhinov is a colourful character, to say the least: A mechanic who became a multi-millionaire, he was elected the first president of the Russian republic of Kalmykia in 1993. In 2006, he claimed that aliens summoned him to the balcony of a Moscow aparment in 1997 and invited him aboard a tube-shaped UFO. He was given a tour of the ship by “people in yellow spacesuits”, then taken to “some kind of star”. State Duma deputy Andrei Lebedev reportedly called for an investigation into the incident, concerned that Ilyumzhinov may have given state secrets to the visitors.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: UFO Stuff



Cow-blood transfusions and other achy breaky bullshit

  • Yet again, a series of blurry-ass photos help prove the existence of Bigfoot. This is almost as convincing as the video of a blob-that-could-be-a-spaceship abducting a smudge-that-might’ve-been-a-cow. How can you go on denying the evidence?!
  • And speaking of alien cow abductions, at least one UFO Casebook forum commenter/alleged contactee still believes the old cattle-mutilation rumour that bovine blood can be transfused into humans. (Don’t try that at home, kids. I’m pretty sure you’ll just die from immunological shock and leave behind a very confused cow.) On the other hand, this commenter could be screwing with us: His source is a page that says nothing about cow blood and appears to be just an educational “murder mystery” for students.
  • Michael Horn, the spokesman for Swiss contactee/crude hoaxer Billy Meier, will be making two presentations to show why Meier’s story has been “suppressed” by the media (even though just about everyone who knows of Meier first learned of him through the media). Unfortunately for Horn, he announced these appearances with press releases.
  • I’m not exactly sure why, but MSNBC is giving a looot of space to a smackdown between author Leslie Kean (UFOs: Generals, Pilots, and Government Officials Go on the Record) and NBC’s space analyst James Oberg. He’s criticizing her because eyewitness testimony is often horseshit, and she counters by saying he should have outed himself as a skeptic before writing anything about her UFO book. Is this really newsworthy? Someone writes a UFO book and a skeptic doesn’t like it? Doesn’t that happen every other day?
  • If you thought UFO Hunters was gawdawful, there are reports that a new SyFy channel series will star Billy Ray Cyrus and his son Trace. It’s reportedly going to be called UFOs: Unbelievably Freakin’ Obvious. Please let this be a hoax. Please.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

  • After my first encounter with “Satanic Nephilim hybrids“, I didn’t think I’d be running into any more fusions of alien abduction lore and Satanic ritual abuse (SRA) narratives. So far as I know, alien abductees rarely recover memories of human abuse under hypnosis (David Icke’s Reptilian/Illuminati survivors would be an exception), and ritual abuse advocates generally don’t stray too far into the paranormal (Michelle Pazder’s Marian visitation would be a notable exception). It’s just not a likely combination, though both phenomena probably involve false memories and/or fantasy-proneness to some extent. So I was hugely disappointed to learn that on the most recent edition of his online radio show, Dreamland, famous alien abductee Whitley Strieber featured a woman named Christine Day who claims not only that she’s in communication with Pleiadians, but that her parents “gave her to a Satanic cult when she was a child.” Day’s contact story is remarkably similar to hundreds of others. She was taken aboard a huge UFO near Mount Shasta (a sacred energy site to New Agers) and felt an overwhelming sense of peace among the Pleiadian aliens. Their vibration filled her with a powerful energy that forced her to undergo a spiritual/psychological transformation. Two months later, Jesus appeared to her and declared, “The Pleiadians are part of the Oneness, and we are part of the Oneness. We are all part of the God-self.” Day claims these memories are consciously recalled. The SRA memories, on the other hand, remained repressed until Day was a grandmother; she accidentally slammed her fingers in her garage door, and spontaneously recalled Satanists breaking her fingers when she was a child. After four years of intense treatment with a therapist who “specializes in this sort of work”, she recalled a life full of Satanic atrocities. (And that’s not all. Sai Baba appeared in Day’s bedroom one night to urge her to go to India.) In a July 9, 1993 interview on Larry King Live, Whitley Strieber said he was working on a novel about ritual abuse, but told guest host Frank Sesno, “Something is happening, people are getting beat up, but it is a psychological thing, basically. I don’t think it’s real.” Now, granted, the Dreamland interview with Christine Day was conducted by guest host Marla Frees. Perhaps Strieber didn’t want to touch the subject himself. Nonetheless, it’s still discouraging to see unverifiable contactee messages being merged with verifiably false SRA information, which can’t possibly do any real favours for either alien abductees or SRA survivors.
  • This is just sad: While searching for the legendary ghost train of Iredell County in Statesville, North Carolina, 29-year-old concierge Christopher Kaiser was struck by an actual train. About a dozen amateur ghost-hunters were on the elevated train trestle called Bostian Bridge in the predawn hours of August 27th, waiting for the phantom #9 out of Salisbury to make an appearance on the 119th anniversary of its crash. That’s when a three-car Norfolk Southern train somehow took them by surprise. Mr. Kaiser reportedly saved his girlfriend’s life by pushing her off the tracks into the ravine 30-40 feet below, just before he was struck head-on. Something tells me that next August 27th, people are going to gather on the trestle to look for the ghost of the guy who saved his girlfriend from an oncoming train. Sigh. Sadder still: This is not the first preventable death to occur on an amateur ghost-hunting trip. Last September, 29-year-old Leah Kubik fell to her death from the roof of the “haunted” Connaught medical research building on the University of Toronto campus after she and a date snuck into the building in search of ghosts. In 2006, 17-year-old Rachel Barezinsky was shot to death by the owner of a “haunted house” in Worthington, Ohio. Allen Davis says he didn’t know that the people who continually lurked on his property were searching for witches and ghosts; he just assumed they were up to no good and loaded his rifle.
  • The blog Three Dead Words, maintained by a Saskatchewan veterinarian who evidently believes her province is crawling with Satanists, is trying to put a Satanic spin on the crimes of Stuart Northcott. He’s the serial killer depicted in The Changeling (you can read my post on him here).

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

Australian toilet vampires, yo.

  • The Too Much Time on Their Hands Award goes to the group of archeology students who supposedly saw a UFO last week while digging for Bigfoot remains in Kemerovo Province, Russia.
  • When it comes to weirdness, Henry Makow’s Save the Males website is a goldmine. And today’s top story doesn’t disappoint: Two Australian MPs give each other a “Masonic handshake” while Prime Minister Julia Gillard – a “Satanic lodge head” and “toilet vampiress” – looks on approvingly. WTF is a toilet vampiress, and what do toilets have to do with Satanism? This letter to Makow from Aloysius Fozdyke explains it all. You may recall that Fozdyke, an actual Satanist, made up a deathbed confession by a fictional Satanist he called Frater 616. Apparently he did this for some giggles, but Makow takes The Order of the Toilet very seriously. Incidentally, I don’t care what Masons do with their hands.
  • I guess this was bound to happen: The Obama Body Count. The good news is, it’s completely bogus. Victims include the author of a nonexistent book (Jihad at the Voting Box), several names that lead exactly nowhere, a childhood classmate of Obama who was supposedly murdered when Obama was 9 years old (“since Islam demands that a boy spill another’s blood before the age of ten”), people connected to Reverend Wright and Larry Sinclair (one of whom died when Obama was 11), and a guy named Gandy Baugh who also appeared on the Clinton Body Count lists. They also have the wrong name for the D.C. Madam (and fail to explain why Obama was responsible for her suicide). Several conservative sites posted this email in 2008, and still refuse to accept that it’s not legit.

Book Review of The Return of Planet-X by Jaysen Q. Rand, Part II


continued from Part I

The Evidence


The Chronology of Planet-X

If X passes Earth roughly every 3600 years and its next fly-by is expected any minute now, then we’ve got an excellent idea of when these major cataclysms should’ve wracked the earth. The last wave of havoc should have occurred ’round about 1590 BC, in the late Bronze Age. The wave before that would have happened around 5190 BC, in the Stone Age. As we’ll see, Rand has a quite different chronology, with a margin of error of well over 1000 years. He states that X’s last fly-by occurred in 1447 BC.
The theories of Zechariah Sitchin and Immanuel Velikovsky become important here.

A crash course (haw haw) in Velikovsky & Sitchin

Like most people who’ve read it, Immanuel Velikovsky was confounded and somewhat appalled by Freud’s Moses and Monotheism (1939), in which Freud posited that Moses was a disciple of Akhenaten murdered by his followers sometime during the Exodus.
Most people shrug, say something like “Wow, Freud was kinda nuts at the end”, and move on. Not Velikovsky. He set out to prove that every event in the Old Testament happened precisely as described. Rather than producing another work of Judeo-Christian apologetics, however, he decided to take a stab at writing a scientific treatise blending history, archaeology, and astronomy. This was Worlds in Collision (1950). In it, Velikovsky proposed that beginning around 1500 BC, our solar system was engaged in a crazy cosmic pool game. First a monstrously huge comet broke off of Jupiter and zoomed extremely close to Earth, causing all the plagues of Egypt as well as the miracles of the Exodus. For instance, the plague of flies was really a plague of fly-like insects from Jupiter. Really.
Later this comet knocked Mars out of orbit and settled down to become the planet Venus, but that’s not for here.
Velikovsky’s comet caused just as much death and destruction as Rand’s X, but it was a boon to the homeless Hebrews in the desert. Its passage caused the planet to stop and tilt slightly on its axis, “dividing” the Red Sea just long enough for them to slip across the seabed unharmed. Its carbohydrate-rich tail provided manna for them to eat, and though Velikovsky doesn’t mention it, the comet was respectful enough to observe the Sabbath by not providing any manna on Sundays. What a nice comet. Compared to Velikovsky’s comet, Planet-X is a total asshole.

Note that Velikovsky’s date for the Exodus (1500 BC) somewhat matches Rand’s date of 1447 BC. They’re both quite different from the 1590 BC date we would expect for a celestial body with a 3600-year orbit, but hey, let’s give Rand some slack. We can’t honestly expect him to contradict one of the grand masters of catastrophism, can we? It’s clear that Rand uses – or at least admits to using – more of Velikovsky’s material than Sitchin’s. This is possibly because Sitchin’s work is not as Christian-oriented. Sitchin even hinted that God himself is a fabrication of the helpful but deceptive Anunnaki.

Sitchin , based on his own translations of interpretations of ancient Near East artwork and mythology, theorized that a distant planet called Nibiru (which is or is not Planet-X, depending on which page of Planet-X you read) passes by Earth in its elliptical orbit about every 3600 years. The only significant difference between Rand’s brown dwarf and Sitchin’s Nibiru is that Nibiru is inhabited by humanoids who can reach Earth by spaceship when their planet is close enough. Please don’t ask me how a planet so far from the Sun can foster intelligent humanoid life.

These Nibiruans probably spawned the Nephilim mentioned in Genesis, as well as the ancient gods of Sumer and Babylonia known as the Anunnaki. They’re responsible for the rapid evolution of man at certain points in our history, because they introduced metalworking, writing, mathematics, and pretty much every other major innovation. Without them, we’d still be morons playing with rocks. They may even have genetically engineered us to be a slave race, toiling in their mines.
Then the Sumerian god/ET overlord Enlil broke away from his evil brother Enki and freed us. Or something like that. It’s all in Sitchin’s 7-book series if you’re interested. For now let’s just keep in mind that Sitchin’s Nibiru timeline should mesh closely with Rand’s X timeline. Sitchin believes Nibiru swept by around 11, 000 BC, 7400 BC, and 3800 BC.
So, um, yeah. By Sitchin’s chronology, Nibiru wouldn’t have been anywhere near Earth during the Exodus.

Alright, so the chronology is totally screwed. Let’s move on to real, solid, meaty evidence of why we should believe that Planet-X regularly brings death and chaos to our “small and watery world hurtling though the vastness of the Milky Way Galaxy.”
In Rand’s view, science must start accepting ancient mythologies as straightforward historical accounts, and cease the “international coverup” of the evidence of recurrent global catastrophes caused by Planet-X.
Let’s keep Rand’s X chronology in mind as we review some of this “forbidden” evidence he cites:

“Gram” Hancock dove down to extensive ruins full of Doric columns in Quait Bay (off Alexandria, Egypt). To nitpick, “Quait Bay” is not a bay. It’s a fort named for the sultan who built it, Qaitbay. Graham Hancock has some photos of underwater “megalithic structures” off Alexandria on his website. There are no Doric columns visible, but it certainly isn’t unheard-of for ancient Egyptian structures to contain Hellenistic elements from the 3rd century AD on. So what the hell does this have to do with Planet-X? Nada. Besides, these ruins (if they are, indeed, ruins) are few and pitiful when compared to spectacular monuments discovered in the same waters off Alexandria. I’m not sure why Rand thinks Hancock’s site is of any special significance to his thesis.
For years, Hancock has been attempting to prove that a “pole shift” occurred about 10,000 years ago, followed by a global flood that wiped out several advanced civilizations (another timeline, just what we needed!). He routinely pulls out flimsy or outright retarded pieces of “evidence” to support his theories, and also creatively reinterprets actual archeaological evidence. He also uses the common pseudohistorian’s trick of interpreting myths as garbled accounts of real historical events and personages, a lead Rand follows in Planet-X.

Rand claims he and some diving buddies probably found the remains of Flight 19 while recreating its final flight, and while they were at it they discovered a 3000-lb. marble Doric column, which he refers to as “Atlantean“. It was later stolen. (Rand also discovered the possible site of the Fountain of Youth. It’s a sunken stone Lithium spring located in a mangrove swamp east of North Bimini.) These are *interesting* stories, but Rand presents zero evidence of his amazing discoveries. Not that they have anything to do with X, anyway. Again, a Doric column in the ocean won’t tell us anything about what may have happened in 1590 BC (or 1447 BC). It should be noted, too, that Rand didn’t come to the Atlantis conclusion through any kind of scientific analysis; Bimini is one of the most popular locations for Atlantis, because the “Bimini stones” were discovered there after Edgar Cayce said Atlantis would resurface off the coast of Florida sometime in the late ’60s.

Rand also tentatively locates Atlantis in the Azores, where in 2001, 18-story towers were discovered underwater. Rand just can’t seem to decide where the hell Atlantis was. Maybe it bounced around like the island in Lost. Anyway, I have no idea what he’s talking about here, unless he’s referring to very impressive mineral deposits discovered 1800 km from the Azores in 2000. These are natural geothermal chimneys.

Chaotic flood deposits of animal remains have been found in various parts of the world. Like Velikovsky and many creationists, Rand points to animal graveyards as evidence that mass extinctions were caused by a global flood or a sudden freeze. There are many reasons why animal remains would be jumbled together in certain places: Crevasses, the action of river currents, tar and mud pits. You don’t actually need a catastrophic event to explain them. And while the 15 or so mass extinctions that have occurred in the past were certainly caused (at least in part) by catastrophic events like carbon dioxide releases and comet and asteroid collisions, they were definitely not caused by a single worldwide flood nor by a “pole shift” (as we’ll see in part III).

Nicholas Flemming found the underwater city of Elaphonisos off Greece. Flemming found Pavlopetri off the Greek island of Elafonisos, actually. That’s how much in-depth research Rand has done. Pavolpetri dates to the Bronze Age and is the oldest submerged city yet discovered. It sank around 1000 BC.

Arthur Posnansky found “chaotic rubble” indicative of some great disaster on the shore of Lake Titicaca. Posnansky didn’t excavate the shore of Lake Titicaca. He explored nearby Tiahuanaca in the 1930s, and posited that an earthquake created the crack in the Gate of the Sun around 15,000 BC (though he didn’t find any rubble, or other evidence of seismic activity). Today, archaeologists estimate the city was built around 200 AD.

In 1993, a U-shaped underwater structure was found off the coast of Kadaikadu, India. There’s a site off Poomphuar touted by (guess who?) Graham Hancock because it is very deep (about 23 m) and contains a horseshoe-shaped “structure”. However, even Hancock is hesitant to declare this a manmade artifact, as exploration has been limited.

Paulina Zelitztsky and Paul Weinzweig claim to have found ruins constructed of polished granite, including a pyramid roughly 150 feet high, off the coast of Cuba in 2000. Alas, the only evidence they possess is an intriguing side scan sonar image, which doesn’t tell us much. Zelitztsky has declared the “ruins” are at least 12,000 years old, and possibly as old as 50,000. No freaking comment.

The Pakistani cities of Mohenjo Daro and Harappa contain roads covered with skeletons, some holding hands, as well as thousands of melted clay vessels. This is not even remotely the case. Mohenjo Daro is a thoroughly excavated World Heritage site, built around 2600 BC, and it shows no evidence of any sudden disaster other than some flooding of the Indus River. Nor does Harappa. On the contrary, many delicate and intricate works of art from these sites have been preserved.
But lots of strange rumours have surfaced about the two cities. Pseudohistorian Philip Coppens claims not only that Mohenjo Daro was “melted”, but that skeletons discovered there are radioactive – indicating an atomic blast. Similar misinfo can be found all over the Internets. It’s all unsourced.

In 1999, megalithic structures were found on the seabed near Malta. They resemble those found on the mainland. This “find” was supposedly announced to a “Paleo Astronaut Society” in Germany by archaeologist Hubert Zeitlmar, who claims the ruins resemble the famous temples of Malta. His video footage and photos have not been reproduced, and I can’t find any further info about Zeitlmar.
The mainland temples were constructed between about 3600-3000 BC.

Sunken kingdoms of legend: Cantre’r Gwaelod (Wales), Lyonesse (England). Welsh and Arthurian legend is not exactly straightforward history, but if you insist on using these examples I’ll just point out that Lyonesse hadn’t yet sunk during Arthur’s time (6th century AD), and that Cantre’r Gwaelod was flooded because some drunk forgot to close the dike.

I’m baffled as to why Rand used these weak examples of “forbidden archaeology”, rather than better-documented finds like the Yonaguni monument (Japan). Sure, no one knows if it’s manmade or not, but since it’s not dated Rand could argue that it sank in 1447 BC.
At any rate, you’ve probably noticed that the estimated ages of the ruins and suspected ruins in all of Rand’s examples in no way mesh with the supposed dates of Planet-X crossings. If you’re trying to prove that shit got real in 1447 BC, then you’re going to have to find examples of bad shit from that period. Pretty basic. You can’t just pick a random sunken city.
There are many sunken cities sprinkled around the planet, and in most cases the exact circumstances of their demises aren’t known. All we know is that they were sent to the bottom of the ocean by earthquakes, tsunamis, rising sea levels, or some combination of those things. A few, like Baiae, were simply built in the wrong places. It should go without saying that none of this has to be caused by the passage of giant celestial objects, “pole shifts”, or global floods.

Part III: “Pole Shifts”
Part IV: So does “Planet-X” exist?