Top 10 Stupidest/Weirdest Jack the Ripper theories

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125 years ago yesterday, the last known victim of an unknown serial killer was found stabbed and eviscerated in her dismal rented room in London’s East End Whitechapel district. Over the previous two months and ten days, this man had murdered at least four other area prostitutes, desperate and impoverished women in their forties. At 24 or 25, Mary Kelly was the youngest victim of the Whitechapel killer.

The killer had seemingly made a name for himself, quite literally, by writing letters to news agencies and professionals associated with the investigation. One of these missives was signed “Jack the Ripper”.  It is now believed, by former FBI profiler John Douglas and others, that this particular letter was a hoax sent by someone other than the killer. (Douglas and Olshaker, 2000)

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So it’s unlikely we’ll ever know what the killer really called himself, or what his name was. Nonetheless, theories about his identity continue to abound, even after countless other serial killers have come and gone. There’s something about the events of that dingy time and place that smear the public imagination like a mysterious, fascinating stain. At least once a year, some new theory about the killer finds its way into a mass market paperback or the pages of the Daily Mail. A few are worthy of consideration, but then there are the theories that are so tragicomically absurd you have to wonder if the writer is any saner than “Jack” was. Leaving out the obvious hoaxes (such as the James Maybrick and James Carnac “diaries”), here are my Top 10 Stupidest/Weirdest Jack the Ripper theories:

10. A “Satanist” named Robert Donston (or D’Onston) Stephenson

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Donston entered the Whitechapel saga by way of Aleister Crowley. In an essay penned about half a century after the murders, Crowley relates the story of lovely authoress Mabel Collins, a devotee of Theosophy who became estranged from her male lover (Donston) by a treacherous female lover (Baroness Vittoria Cremers). The Whitechapel murders had already begun by the time this domestic drama was playing out.
Crowley believed that “Jack” was a cannibal, consuming parts of his victims’ bodies right at the scenes of his crimes. So did Miss Collins and the baroness. One day, as they were discussing how it could be possible for Jack to do such a thing without getting blood on his shirtfront, Captain Donston donned his opera cape for them and showed them how easy it would be for a man to protect his shirt with the dark, heavy fabric. Cremers thought little of this until she crept into Donston’s room, hoping to retrieve a packet of Mabel’s love letters to save the woman from any blackmail or embarrassment. In a trunk beneath his bed, she discovered five dress ties stained with blood.
On December 1, 1888, the Pall Mall Gazette published an article (here) in which the anonymous author postulated that the murders were black magic ceremonies designed to imbue the killer with power, in accordance with instructions in the writings of Eliphas Levi. The locations of the murders, Anonymous explained, would form a cross (Crowley changed this to a five-pointed star). Crowley dismissed this theory, believing (as many did) that there were seven “Ripper” murders in Whitechapel, but wondered if Donston had written the article, and if the killer had been following some astrological pattern in his selection of crime scenes (an idea brought to his attention by crime reporter Bernard O’Donnell).  After conducting his own research, Crowley concluded that at the time of each murder, either Saturn of Mercury was precisely on the Eastern horizon.
The interesting story of Captain Donston is exactly that: An interesting story. Donston was known to Crowley only as “Captain Donston”, and it’s unlikely he ever met the man in person. It seems all his information about him came from old Vittoria Cremers, a member of his O.T.O. lodge. Later writers discovered that an alcoholic confabulist named Robert “Roslyn” D’Onston (or Donston) Stephenson had lived in London at the time of the murders, and he was deemed a prime suspect by some Ripperologists (notably, the late Melvin Harris).
In a 2003 book, Jack the Ripper’s Black Magic Rituals, career criminal Ivor Edwards resurrected the black magick/Donston theory, positing that the Whitechapel killer really did plot out the five murders to form a giant shape (a vesica piscis). The snag in this theory is that D’Onston Stephenson was a patient at London Hospital at the time, being treated for neurasthenia. He checked himself into the hospital in late July, one month before the first murder, and checked out on December 7, one month after the last murder. Edwards gets around this by pointing out that the hospital was in the Whitechapel area. Security was so lax, he maintains, that curiosity-seekers regularly snuck onto hospital grounds to catch glimpses of John Merrick, the Elephant Man….so isn’t it plausible that Stephenson could sneak out, slay prostitutes, then sneak back in without being observed? Four times?
The evidence here is ridiculously thin, and Edwards pushes the envelope even further by insisting that Stephenson murdered his wife, Anne Deary, in 1887 (it isn’t even known if she died at this time). The only real, discernible connection D’Onston Stephenson has to the Whitechapel killings is that he had his own suspect in mind; Dr. Morgan Davies, one of the physicians at London Hospital. He reported his suspicions to the police, and gave a statement to Inspector Thomas Roots of Scotland Yard after his release. Other than this, and the secondhand tales of an old girlfriend, there doesn’t seem to be the slightest bit of evidence against Mr. Stephenson. Note that among three people who championed the black magic theory of the crimes, there were three different designs attributed to the killer (a cross, a star, and a vesica piscis).

9. Crowley

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before his Telly Savalis phase

Aleister Crowley was not known to be a violent man, despite rumours that he sexually tortured at least one of his wives. Yet the notion persists in some quarters that if you’re an occultist, you probably kill people. Crowley was portrayed as a pedophile serial killer in the web series lonelygirl15, and more recently has been called out as a Jack the Ripper copycat by historian Mark Beynon and blamed for six of the deaths linked to the bogus Curse of King Tut.
And, since he lived in London during the 1880s, why not make him Jack the Ripper as well? After all, he expressed interest in the murders, and had a theory about the killer. Good enough.
Crowley has never become a mainstream suspect (that is, no Ripperologists have written books about him), but he has been mentioned by fringe conspiranoids who dabble in true crime.

8. Lewis Carroll

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In 1996, an elusive character named Richard Wallace published Jack the Ripper, Light-Hearted Friend. It consisted almost entirely of anagrams formed from passages of a preschool version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Sylvie and Bruno. These scrambled, barely coherent verses were supposed to prove that Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll) was one sick bastard, and probably slaughtered prostitutes alongside his friend Thomas Vere Bayne when he wasn’t doing math. This makes for some pretty hilarious reading, as this review shows. Of course, if you rearrange words in Jack the Ripper, Light-Hearted Friend, you can probably prove that Richard Wallace is actually Donald Trump.
Sadly, this hot mess was taken halfway-seriously at the time of publication. Harper’s excerpted it, Ripperologists and anagram enthusiasts went out of their way to refute it, and Lewis Carroll fans facepalmed themselves into concussions.
This was not Wallace’s first book about Carroll. In The Agony of Lewis Carroll (1990), he exposed “hidden smut” in Carroll’s books in an attempt to prove that Carroll was gay, which rather works against the idea that he murdered female prostitutes. 

Another writer, Thomas Toughill, sussed out clues to the Ripper’s identity in Oscar Wilde’s The Portrait of Dorian Gray, concluding that portraitist Frank Miles was the killer. He published his findings as The Ripper Code in 2008 (remember, kids, adding the word “code” to your title adds credibility).
Even if the passages Toughill highlights pointed unambiguously to Miles, though, wouldn’t this merely show that Wilde thought Miles was a good suspect? He was a playwright, not freaking Inspector Maigret.

7. The Demon of the Belfry

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In April 1895, nearly seven years after the Whitechapel murders ended, two young women in San Francisco were raped and strangled inside  Emanuel Baptist Church. Blanche Lamont, 20, disappeared first. Nine days later, 21-year-old Minnie Williams vanished. On Easter Sunday, one of the church ladies opened a cabinet where teacups were usually stored and discovered Minnie’s body. Blanche’s body was soon found in the church belfry.
Because he was seen with both young women shortly before they went missing, a 23-year-old medical student named Theo Durrant was charged with the murders. He was the assistant superintendent of the church Sunday school.
At trial, Durrant’s defense attorney argued that the real killer could have been the church minister, John George Gibson. Gibson had been a pastor in Scotland until resigning from his post in 1887. Between that time and his arrival in the U.S. in December 1888, Gibson’s whereabouts are unknown.
Durrant went to the gallows in 1898, and few doubt that he was the “demon of the belfry”, as reporters dubbed him. But Robert Graysmith, author of Zodiac and Zodiac Unmasked, took note of that gap in John Gibson’s resumé. It matches up perfectly with the dates of the Whitechapel murders; Gibson left his post at least 8 months before they began, and arrived in America one month after they stopped. Coincidence?
Well, yeah, probably. First of all, the Emanuel Church murders – while certainly gruesome – were considerably less vicious than the Whitechapel murders. It would be essentially unheard-of for a serial killer to de-escalate in such dramatic fashion. Secondly, Durrant’s behaviour before and after the murders was peculiar. He offered outlandish theories about white slave trafficking to the aunt of Blanche Lamont, and was seen arguing with Minnie Williams the day she vanished. Gibson, on the other hand, isn’t known to have said or done anything unusual at the time of the murders. (McConnell, 2005)
An intriguing footnote to all this is the sensational Salome trial that occurred in London twenty years after Durrant’s execution. In the wake of the murders, Durrant’s sister, Maud, had turned to dance. Though she had no professional training, she was able to establish herself as a performer in England, specializing in “Salome dances”. In 1918, she staged Oscar Wilde’s Salome in London, and came under attack from a right-wing publication. The editor accused her of being a lesbian “honey trap” and a German spy, sent to undermine the morals of British patriots. Maud Allan sued for libel, but the unfortunate fact that her brother had raped and killed two women worked against her. She lost the suit.

6. A mad doctor

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Doctors came under heavy suspicion in the Whitechapel case because it was assumed, at the time, that anyone who could mutilate a body and remove organs in a short amount of time must have some degree of surgical skill. This is not the case, but that hasn’t stopped Ripperologists from implicating physicians and surgeons by the dozen. A few of the most notable:

Dr. Stanley
In the 1920s, Australian journalist and MP Leonard Matters introduced a bizarre theory: That a late physician he identified only as “Dr. Stanley” had gone on a prostitute-killing rampage because a prostitute had given his son an STD. He was searching for one prostitute (out of roughly 800 in the district), so he simply murdered each one he questioned until he found his real target – Mary Kelly. Supposedly, Matters had read the doctor’s deathbed confession in a South American newspaper, but he never produced the article.
Sadly, this lame theory was the subject of the first full-length treatment of the case, Matters’ The Mystery of Jack the Ripper (1929), and became the basis for the 1959 film Jack the Ripper.

Sir William Gull, Royal physician
Though he was elderly and partially disabled by a stroke at the time of the murders, Stephen Knight selected Dr. Gull as the central figure in his Freemason theory (see #3).

Sir John Williams, Royal gynecologist
In what has to be one of the weirdest Ripper theories of all time, Tony Williams implicated his own ancestor in his 2005 book Uncle Jack, proposing that the royal OB-GYN killed prostitutes and harvested their uteri as part of a research project aimed at curing his wife’s infertility. This had something to do with being a Freemason.
This September, an equally ridiculous book was put out by a woman who claims to be Mary Kelly’s great-great-granddaughter. Antonia Alexander claims Mary Kelly had an affair with Williams. He then killed her for some reason or other. The proof? His blurry photo is in a locket that supposedly belonged to Kelly.
You can find details of the Williams allegations in this Daily Mail article. 

Dr. Thomas Barnardo
Dr. Barnardo was not actually a doctor, but he identified himself as one throughout his life. He established a string of children’s charity homes between 1870 and his death in 1905.
Aside from pretending to be a doctor, Barnardo had a more-or-less unblemished reputation as a philanthropist right into the 1970s, when the late historian Donald McCormick suddenly decided he would make a decent Ripper suspect for his book The Identity of Jack the Ripper (though his suspect of choice remained the cross-dressing Russian assassin Pedachenko – one of the silliest Ripper hoaxes ever). Gary Rowlands, in his chapter of The Mammoth Book Of Jack The Ripper, expands on McCormick’s theoryBarnardo’s lonely childhood in Ireland, combined with religious zealotry, caused him to go on an anti-prostitute murder crusade. He only stopped killing because a swimming accident deafened him.
I don’t know about Rowlands, but McCormick was a notoriously shoddy historian; one of my favourite bloggers, Dr. Beachcombing, calls him Baron Munchausen, and accuses him of fabricating a creepy poem that “Jack” supposedly wrote.
It’s true that Barnardo worked in the slums, and claimed to have met victim Elizabeth Stride shortly before her murder. Other than this, how much evidence links Barnardo to the Whitechapel murders? None. Seriously. None.

Dr. Morgan Davies
Robert D’Onston Stephenson suspected Dr. Davies merely because Davies routinely discussed the murders with another patient at London Hospital, acting them out in some detail and opining that the killer was a sexual sadist. As a man familiar with mental illness, it wouldn’t surprise me if Davies had a better grasp of criminal behaviour than the people around him.

Francis Tumblety
Tumblety was not a real medical doctor, and in my opinion could still be a viable suspect. He also had an odd connection to the assassination of Lincoln.

5. Famous painters.

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Walter Sickert.

Sickert, like Crowley, is another person who apparently came under suspicion because of his interest in the case. Most people know of this from Patricia Cornwell’s 2002 book Portrait of a Killer, but Cornwell was not actually the first to suggest Sickert’s involvement. That dubious honour would go to Donald McCormick, who mentioned Sickert in his 1970 book The Identity of Jack the Ripper. Also in the 1970s, a man claiming to be Sickert’s son (Sickert had no known children) declared his dad had been chummy with the heir to the throne, Prince Alfred Victor (the Duke of Clarence, himself a Ripper suspect). According to Joseph Gorman, AKA “Hobo” Sickert, the duke knocked up a poor Catholic girl named Annie Crook around 1885. When the Queen and the Prime Minister discovered this, they were horrified, and arranged for Miss Crook to be abducted and “lobotomized” by the royal physician, Sir William Gull. Someone connected to the royal family then murdered the illegitimate child’s nanny, Mary Kelly. The illegitimate daughter of Annie and the duke, Alice, later became one of Sickert’s mistresses….and Hobo Sickert’s mother. Therefore, he could be considered an heir to the throne. All of these details proved to be false, and Joseph Gorman/Hobo Sickert admitted as such to the Sunday Times (June 18, 1978), though he continued to insist he was Sickert’s son.
The late Stephen Knight, whom we’ll meet shortly, incorporated the Annie Crooks story into his conspiracy theory about Freemasons and royals, asserting that Sickert had been part of a plot to murder prostitutes on behalf of the royal family.
In 1990, Jean Overton Fuller published Sickert and the Ripper Crimes, in which she laid out a theory that Sickert was the one and only Jack (incidentally, she was friends with Crowley associate Victor Neuberg, and was quite familiar with the D’Onston Stephenson story).
Then Patricia Cornwell took on the case. Thanks to her popularity as a crime novelist, Portrait of a Killer became a bestseller and unleashed a fresh flood of interest in Sickert-as-Ripper. In 2012, the Royal Opera House even parlayed Sickert’s fascination with Jack into a moody ballet, Sweet Violets
Cornwell’s theory rests heavily on Sickert’s supposedly deformed genitalia, alleged DNA matches between genetic material found on “Ripper” envelopes and on envelopes mailed by Sickert, and what she considers telling imagery in some of Sickert’s portraits. She points to the blurred or distorted faces of women, arguing that they represent the mutilation of the Ripper’s victims. Sickert was, unquestionably, inspired or intrigued by infamous London crimes involving prostitutes, though he didn’t begin to express this until nearly 30 years after the Whitechapel murders. In 1907 he painted Jack the Ripper’s Bedroom (below), and the following year he did a series on the Camden Town murder.

Walter Sickert Jack the Ripper's Bedroom

While it’s true that some of Sickert’s paintings are murky and vaguely disturbing, he also painted delightful street scenes and whimsical caricatures of ballet-goers. Furthermore, his Camden Town series was meant to be enigmatic, even baffling, in the style of Victorian problem pictures. And while the DNA evidence seems compelling, it should be noted that the envelopes and stamps from which DNA was extracted belonged to letters widely believed to be hoaxes (e.g., the “Openshaw letter“). There’s a good discussion of this evidence at the Casebook: Jack the Ripper site.
There is nothing in Sickert’s background to suggest that he was prone to violence. At the time of the murders, he may have been living and painting in France.

And speaking of painting in France…

Vincent Van Gogh

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Van Gogh is a recent addition to the suspect pool. Painter and writer David Larner spent five years (2006 – 2011) compiling research for his unpublished manuscript, Vincent Alias Jack.
Larner first suspected Van Gogh while trying to recreate Irises; the face of Mary Kelly simply jumped out at him from within the folds of a flower. You can see Larner’s side-by-side comparison of the Kelly crime scene photo and the painting here (WARNING: graphic imagery). Hello, pareidolia.

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“When you see it, you’ll shit bricks,”

But the painting isn’t the only “proof”. Apparently, Van Gogh is a good Ripper candidate because he consorted with prostitutes, hacked off part of his own ear (Catherine Eddowes’ ear was hacked off), and might have been in London at the right time. Larner also believes – with no solid evidence to back him up – that Van Gogh was responsible for the 1887-’88 Thames torso murders, which are only seldom linked to the Ripper. That’s about it.

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Besides, serial killers can’t paint.

4. Jill

A surprisingly popular theory at the time of the murders was that “Jack” was actually a woman, possibly a midwife who worked in the area, or a wife so enraged by her husband’s fondness for prostitutes that she decided to slaughter as many of them as she could. Possible “Jills” include murderess Mary Pearcy, who killed her lover’s wife and child in 1890 (the only female Ripper suspect to be named close to the time of the murders), and Lizzie Williams, wife of suspect Sir John Williams (according to this theory, she was driven insane by her infertility and began ripping the uteri out of prostitutes). Sir Arthur Conan Doyle favoured the theory that “Jack” was a lady, and his fans continue to put forward female suspects. For example, Constance Kent, who admitted (perhaps falsely) to killing her 4-year-old half-brother in 1865, has been named by E.J. Wagner in The Science of Sherlock Holmes.

3. Freemasons

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This theory was the brainchild of a young British writer named Stephen Knight, published in 1976 as Jack the Ripper: The Final Solution, but the elements of it were culled from a variety of sources:

  • Retired doctor Thomas E.A. Stowell‘s article “Jack the Ripper – A Solution?”. This piece, published in the November 1970 issue of The Criminologist, proposed that the Ripper was an aristocrat who stalked, killed and eviscerated Whitechapel prostitutes in much the same way the aristocracy stalked, killed, and gutted deer. This young man was suffering insanity from the latter stages of syphilis, so he might have harboured great resentment against prostitutes for giving him the disease, which ultimately killed him. Stowell  hinted that this aristocrat was none other than an heir to the throne, Prince Albert Victor (the Duke of Clarence).  Stowell claimed this information came from personal notes of Dr. Gull (Stowell knew Gull’s daughter) – but Gull died two years before the duke.
  • The tales of Joseph Gorman Sickert
  • Conspiracy theories about English Freemasons
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The Duke of Clarence

Knight somewhat elegantly stitched together these loose threads to create the mother of all weird Jack the Ripper narratives: The Duke of Clarence impregnated a poor Catholic girl, Annie Crooks, and entrusted the care of his illegitimate child to Mary Kelly. Kelly and four of her friends unwisely decided to blackmail the royal family, and in retaliation Queen Victoria dispatched Dr. Gull and a gang of other prominent Freemasons to silence the women. One by one, they were lured to their deaths. The men kept their pact of silence for the rest of their lives because…well, because they were Freemasons. Bros before hos, yo.
As it turned out, this was all a complete waste of everyone’s time. The duke died of influenza just four years later.
The idea that a stroke-paralyzed physician would drag himself around the East End just to shut up a handful of prostitutes who wouldn’t be believed, anyway, makes for a good comic book and very little else. Over the years, however, people have grafted more Freemasonic suspects onto the theory, including Churchill’s dad.
Walter Sickert, incidentally, gave painting lessons to Winston Churchill.

2. The author of My Secret Life

This theory is weak for several reasons, but the first and foremost one is that we don’t know who wrote the book. My Secret Life was an erotic novel released in serialized form, beginning around the same time as the Whitechapel murders (the exact date of publication isn’t known). The author was listed simply as “Walter”. Hey, maybe it was Walter Sickert!

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In their 2010 book Jack the Ripper’s Secret Confession, David Monaghan and Nigel Cawthorne propose that “Walter” left clues about his identity as the Whitechapel killer throughout his book. Monaghan came up with this theory after noting the resemblance between passages of My Secret Life and the 1894 confession of Chicago serial killer Herman Mudgett (“H. H. Holmes”), particularly Walter’s description of a corpse floating in the Thames. Never mind that all of the Whitechapel victims were found on dry land.
Even if “Walter” truly had violent tendencies, there just isn’t enough here to draw a link between him and the murders. Weirdly enough, though, Holmes himself was named as a suspect by one of his descendants.

1. Hitler

I used to think this was a theory of my own invention, but it turns out some other lunatic already put the pieces together.
Bear with me, here. This is bulletproof. All you have to do is take the Stowell/Sickert/Knight theory that the Duke of Clarence had a role in the Whitechapel murders, and combine it with a fringe theory that the duke faked his death to begin a new life in Germany as one Adolph Hitler. Sure, the duke would have been considerably older than the man we know as Hitler, but didn’t Eva Braun describe Adolph as an “elderly gentleman” when she first met him?

But seriously, folks, any theory of the Whitechapel killings should take into account John Douglas’s profile of the killer. Based on victimology, the locations of the crime scenes, and especially the manner of the murders and mutilations, Douglas concludes the sole perpetrator was an asocial malcontent who might have worked for a butcher or a mortician, if he was able to hold a job at all. He lived or worked in the area. (Douglas and Olshaker, 2000, pp. 67-70)

In 2006, police affirmed that if they were looking for the suspect today, they would be knocking on doors in and around Whitechapel, rather than searching far afield for artists, dilettantes and Freemasons. They even issued a composite sketch of the Whitechapel killer.

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It was Freddy Mercury all along.

Sources:

Douglas, J. and Olshaker, M. The cases that haunt us. (2000). New York, NY: Scribner.

McConnell, V.A. (2005). Sympathy for the devil: The emmanuel baptist murders of old san francisco. Lincoln, NE: Bison Books.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: Steven Greer’s alien + lots of other fake dead aliens

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On April 22, Amardeep Kaleka‘s documentary Sirius will premiere in L.A. Though the film is mostly about magical alien energy sources, like Thrive, the highlight will undoubtedly be the tiny alien body that Dr. Steven Greer has been studying for more than a year. (Update: You can read more about that here. )

Greer’s alien was discovered by a treasure-hunter back in 2003, in the ghost town of La Noria in Chile’s Atacama desert (interestingly, a place considered similar to the Martian surface). The dessicated little skeleton, which is no longer than a pen yet has perfect proportions, was found buried  in a ribbon-tied bit of cloth near La Noria’s Catholic church. It had well-formed teeth, nine ribs, and a strangely elongated skull. The tabloids in Chile joked about a “horrible dwarf extraterrestrial”, but no serious interest was shown in the “Atacama humanoid”. It changed hands a few times, eventually ending up in Spain.
That’s where it came to the attention of Dr. Greer, an American ufologist best-known for founding the Disclosure Project. He probably heard about the humanoid during the Exopolitical Symposium held near Barcelona in 2009 (he was a presenter). Last year, he announced that his Center for the Study of ET Intelligence had gained access to the body, and would need funding to carry out scientific tests. He released a single photo and an X-ray of the “humanoid”, failing to mention it had already been in the Chilean tabloid press nine years earlier. In late October, he announced the body had been examined by “experts” using X-rays and CT scans, but still wouldn’t release more photos or give the names of the scientists working with him. For a disclosure advocate, Greer doesn’t like to disclose much. He would only say that “one of the world’s top geneticists” was studying DNA samples from the alien, and the “world’s foremost authority on skeletal abnormalities” had pronounced the skeleton non-human.

Atacama Humanoid

The Atacama alien

Steven Greer has a – how shall I put this? – rather checkered history in the field of UFO studies. He has promised big things before, with no payoff:

  • Throughout the ’90s, he claimed the ability to summon and communicate with UFOs using lights, lasers, and mental telepathy.
  • In 2008, the Orion Project announced it was developing a free energy device. Delay after delay pushed its unveiling all the way to the spring of 2010, when the Orion Project declared the work could not continue until their funding needs were met (a mere $3 million or so). Greer repeatedly insisted the device was already functional, yet it has still not been revealed.
  • In 2009, he practically guaranteed that the Obama administration would give full disclosure about UFOs and ETs by the end of 2010. (video)

Greer claims the secrets of aliens, free energy, and antigravity spacecraft are being kept from the public by a massive conspiracy possibly known as PI-40, comprised of Freemasons, Bilderbergers, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, and…uh…Mormons. He says most of his associates, including Eugene Mallove, were murdered because they came too close to the truth about aliens – just like Marilyn Monroe and former CIA director William Colby. He also thinks the government has possessed the capability to induce cancer from a distance since the 1950s.

You would think the Atacama humanoid results would be big, big news in the world of ufology, but skepticism and disinterest remain high. I’m guessing this is partly because of Greer’s track record, partly because he won’t even release the names of these world-renowned scientists, and partly because we’ve been through all this before. Since the ’50s, we have been subjected to a veritable parade of alien fetuses, alien autopsies, alien skeletons and alien skulls – nearly all of which turned out to be terrestrial. Let’s take a quick look at some of the alien corpses of years past. Be warned that a few of the photos are kinda gross.

1953: Spaceman hit by a truck

georgia monkey

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s a bald monkey.

Three young men in Georgia reported to police that they had struck what appeared to be a 2″-tall space creature with a pickup (the alien’s two companions had managed to escape in their flying saucer). A local vet confirmed the round-eyed, jug-eared being was no animal known to mankind, but Emory University anatomists who studied the body disagreed: The Georgia alien was a shaved Capuchin monkey with its tail removed. The three men confessed to staging the hoax to get into the local paper. Today, the spacemonkey is displayed at the Georgia Bureau of Investigation museum. (read more at The Museum of Hoaxes)

1979: Puerto Rico’s baby Conehead

Puerto Rico Alien

Consume mass quantities.

As one version of the story goes, two teenage boys exploring a cave near Cerro Las Tetas stumbled upon a whole colony of aliens, and bludgeoned one of the creatures to death in their panic. The pickled alien was revealed to the world by ufologist Jorge Martin later that year. It was never subjected to thorough scientific examination, however, and its current whereabouts are unknown. Señor Martin has since moved on to other dead aliens that are definitely fake. (read more at the Forgetomori blog)

1995: American alien autopsy

alien autopsy

His name was Bob.

Supposedly a film of doctors conducting a peculiar autopsy on an alien killed in the Roswell crash of 1947, the film turned out to be precisely what it looks like: A hoax utilizing rubber aliens, animal parts, and raspberry jam. The owner of the footage confessed to fakery, but stubbornly insists it was a “recreation” of genuine Roswell autopsy footage that is too damaged to be shown.

1996: Dr. Reed’s alien, AKA the Screaming Alien or the Microwave Burrito Alien

Burrito Alien

Protip: Fake aliens always look more real if you stick ’em on a space blanket.

You could probably compose several novels, an entire History Channel series, and an opera out of the hilariously dumb saga that is the “Dr. Reed” hoax, in which a Seattle psychologist enthralled Coast to Coast AM listeners with his tale of encountering a landed triangular spacecraft in the Cascades, watching a very fast alien vaporize his dog, then capturing the alien and stuffing it into his freezer. The alien wasn’t quite dead yet, however, and let out a horrifying shriek when Reed opened the freezer. Reed claimed the body was stolen by government agents who continued to stalk and menace him (though they somehow forgot to confiscate his photos of the UFO and the frozen alien).
“Dr. Jonathan Reed” was soon exposed as Seattle gas station attendant John Rutter. Incredibly, Rutter still insists his alien story is essentially true, and has made many fantastical additions to it over the years, including the discovery of an alien bracelet that either allows him to teleport (skip to the 7:00 mark) or just sit on a couch in a Mexican TV studio. (read more at UFO Watchdog)

1999: The Starchild skull

starchild skull

In 1999, American novelist Lloyd Pye purchased what is probably the skull of a hydrocephalic child. But he’s pretty damn sure it’s an alien-human hybrid, and won’t stop talking about it.

2005: Yugoslavian alien autopsy

Yugoslav alien

I prefer them medium rare.

Basically the same as the American autopsy footage, this film was said to have been taken in the former Yugoslavia in 1966. In photos sent to UFO Casebook by one “Ivan Kremer”, doctors are shown examining the charred corpse of an alien, supposedly recovered from a crashed UFO in the village of Otocek. Italian skeptic Andrea Zoboli later took credit for the hoax, citing the American alien autopsy as his inspiration.

2006: alien in a jar

attic alien

Antiques Roadshow estimate: $3.50

During renovation of a cottage in Gunthorp, workers found a jar containing what appeared to be (and was) a realistic alien model made from clay. Who put the alien model in Barney Broom’s attic, and why, remains a mystery. (read more at the BBC)

2008: Russian alien autopsy

Russian alien autopsy

Might be Joan Rivers. Somebody check.

The makers of this film were quite innovative. They opted for colour instead of black and white, chose a small alien dummy rather than a child-sized dummy, and zoomed in on the alien instead of standing ten feet away. The film even includes footage of Russian soldiers surrounding a crashed UFO that looks about as real as Tara Reid’s breasts. B for effort, guys.
This is not to be confused with a  “KGB” film that shows unmasked doctors hovering over random bits and pieces of an alien (judging by the hair on the lady doctor, this one was shot in the ’80s or early ’90s).

2011: Siberian alien and Russian refrigerator alien

Siberia alien

finger lickin’ good

The Siberian alien was probably the biggest dead alien story to hit the news since the American autopsy. Media outlets around the world carried stories of the cell phone video shot and posted to YouTube by anonymous teens, showing a pitifully one-legged alien entity sprawled in the snow. The Kremlin actually launched an investigation, and within hours an “alien” made out of old bread and chicken skin was found in the home of one of the kids in the video. Two boys confessed to creating it.
A few months later, Marta Yegorovnam of Petrozavodsk produced photos of a plastic-wrapped alien corpse she had been storing in her fridge for two years. It looked somewhat like the lovechild of Jabba the Hut and Kermit the Frog. Sadly, no one ever had the chance to examine Ms. Yegorovnam’s disgusting leftovers, because she surrendered them to the Karelian Research Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences. The Academy disclaimed any knowledge of the fridge alien. (read more at the Daily Mail, which was one of the few mainstream media outlets to bother with this)

Russian fridge alien

C’mon, lady.
At least put it in the crisper.

Date unknown: Roswell alien that looks suspiciously like the masks from the movie Brazil

roswell alien  brazil

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup: Massacre Conspiracy Theories

what-if-conspiracy-theory-is-conspiracy-itself

One of the most troubling things about wonky conspiracy theories is that they can, and do, have real-world impact.

On December 18, the religious conspiracy website Revelation Now.net – which specialized in Hollow Earth theories and Biblical prophecies – posted an article titled “The Next School Massacre Target?”. In it, the author embraced the theory that most – if not all – mass shootings are stage-managed by some shadowy cabal (in this case, the Illuminati). I’ve written a little bit about some of these recent theories at Leaving Alex Jonestown.
The Revelation Now article pointed out that a prop map briefly shown in The Dark Knight Rises featured Bane’s intended targets, and one of the target locations was labeled “Sandy Hook”. Another label on the map was “Narrows”. This means very little to the average viewer. “Sandy Hook” is an absurdly common name throughout the U.S., and the Narrows is a fictional ghetto located near the fictional Arkham Asylum in the D.C. comic universe.
But the Revelation Now author clearly accepts the theory of “predictive programming”, which says that the elite must tell us of their monstrous plans before putting them into action. As an Infowars article says of the Dark Knight map, “This definitely begins to tread into Satanic and occult territory, the purpose of which is known to only a select few in tight-knit circles at the very top branches of various secret societies.” An article at Before It’s News makes a similar comment about the Aurora massacre and the movie map: ““I was denying to myself that this shooting was staged by the deep state and the Illuminati just like the last one in the movie theatre in Colorado. But not anymore. It’s impossible to deny.”

Following these leads, the Revelation Now author connected the dots in typical conspiranoid fashion:

– Aurora, Colorado killer James Holmes liked The Dark Knight and costumed himself as the Joker before going on his rampage.
– This massacre was staged by the Illuminati. Holmes was a victim of mind control programming.
– Newtown, Connecticut killer Adam Lanza was also a mind-control victim. The Illuminati selected his target for him: Sandy Hook Elementary School.
– The Dark Knight Rises contains a map with the names “Sandy Hook” and “Narrows” on it. The Illuminati controls Hollywood, so this means something.
– Ergo, the next Illuminati school shooting will take place somewhere with Narrows in its name.
– There is a Narrows Elementary School in the town of Narrows, Virginia.

Normally, this kind of nuttery restricts itself to the conspiranoid community, social networking sites, and casual watercooler conversations. This time, however, officials in Giles County, Virginia, heard about the Revelation Now article and promptly decided to shut down all schools in the county this week. Giles County Sheriff Morgan Millirons told the press, “We have to take this as serious information.”
But do we? These crackpot massacre theories are nothing new, and every one of them seems less coherent than the last…

The Dunblane Massacre (1996): Freemasons and paedophiles arranged for Thomas Hamilton to kill 16 schoolchildren, to cover up a child-abuse ring and/or to usher in increased gun control in the UK.
The Port Arthur Massacre (1996): This was engineered as an excuse for the Australian government to ban automatic weapons. Martin Bryant was a mind-controlled assassin or a patsy.
Columbine (1999): There are numerous conspiracy theories about the massacre in Colorado. The most ridiculous comes from William K. Zabel, one of the most popular guests ever to appear on the Binnall of America podcast. He contends the massacre was stage-managed by the military-industrial complex, primarily as a ritual sacrifice, and that the parents of the victims knew all about it in advance.
Virginia Tech (2007): Mind control again. Some faculty members knew what was going to happen, and even participated in Seung-Hui Cho’s grooming.
The Norway Massacre: Anders Breivik stated that his rampage was motivated by his anger at liberals who were “ruining” Norway with their socialist and immigration-friendly politics. Yet conspiranoids continue to insist this was a false flag terror operation headed by globalists, as an excuse to crack down on anti-banking activists. Wayne Madsen, a frequent guest on The Alex Jones Show, declared Breivik could be an Isreali agent.
Sandy Hook: Jim Fetzer, a former professor, claims Adam Lanza was just a patsy for the real killers – Mossad “death squads”.

The alleged motives for these “elite” crimes are manifold. According to the conspiracy theorists, mass shootings are crafted to usher in repressive legislation like gun control laws, traumatize and destabilize the population so that we will submit to further abuses of our rights, make offerings to Satan, neutralize troublesome opponents, thin out the population, and/or distract us from “more important” things that are going on in the world.
Conspiracy theorists point only to massacres that occurred after 1980, in a feeble attempt to link mind control to SSRI antidepressants, and completely ignore massacres that occurred half a century or more before Prozac went on the market. Just one example: In 1975, Ottawa teenager Robert Poulin raped and murdered a neighbor girl, set fire to his house, then shot up a school.
[note: It has been brought to my attention that my previous example, South Pasadena Junior High principal Verlin Spencer, may have been under the influence of bromide at the time of his arrest in 1940. Spencer killed five of his colleagues, wounded a sixth, then non-fatally shot himself. The example has been removed pending further investigation.]
If such massacres have been occurring for decades (and they have; the first school shooting in America took place in the late eighteenth century), isn’t it reasonable to conclude that the petty gripes and mental problems that motivated those murders would also hold true for today’s mass killers? What makes a Brenda Spencer any different from a James Holmes, other than more thorough preparation?

The ironic thing is, conspiracy theories themselves may contribute to massacres. Byron Williams’ thwarted attack upon a small, nonprofit organization called the Tides Foundation was inspired, in part, by the rantings of Glenn Beck and Alex Jones, who insisted the foundation was wholly controlled by one of their bogeymen, George Soros. Williams was planning to murder at least a dozen Tides Foundation employees in protest of supposed left-wing world domination. The problem is, only about 5% of the foundation’s annual funding came from Soros, Soros had no role in the foundation’s operations, and it is a relatively small and obscure organization.

Canadian killer Marc Lepine considered himself the victim of some sort of feminist conspiracy to marginalize men. He claimed to believe he was denied entry to the engineering program at the École Polytechnique de Montréal because the university was admitting “too many” women. In reality, his substandard grades kept him out of the program.

The Symbionese Liberation Army shot Oakland’s first black school superintendent, Dr. Marcus Foster,  eight times with cyanide-tipped bullets because they believed his (withdrawn) support for school ID cards was part of a sinister CIA plot to keep tabs on schoolchildren.

Revelation Now was quickly dismantled after the Giles County school shutdown hit the news, but it was just one of hundreds of sites that promote terrifying conspiracy theories spun from tenuous connections, suppositions, misinformation, and recycled nonsense. I doubt that all those webmasters out there are going to stop and think about the potential consequences before they commit the next baseless theory to the ‘Net.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

Fake nuns with fake Anthrax, real vampires, UN conspiranoia, hateful lies about hate speech, and Bigfoot’s disgusting ancestry

  • After years of top-secret lab work, Dr. Melba Ketchum has announced the results of her DNA analysis of alleged Bigfoot hair and tissue samples (including, perhaps, the “Bigfoot steak” that was central to the Sierra Kills hoax). The upshot: Bigfoot isn’t an ape or a human. It’s descended from an unknown primate and a human female, who mated about 15,000 years ago. Ew. Ketchum is calling for Bigfoot to be afforded full Constitutional rights, as an aboriginal. Best title about this, to date: “Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING“. Not even avid Sasqwatchers are wholefootedly accepting Ketchum’s results, though; Bigfoot Lunch Club, for instance, shares a few of the same reasonable doubts expressed by the Houston Chronicle‘s “SciGuy”, Eric Berger (and the rest of the scientific community).
  • In the Serbian village of Zarozje, a different inhuman beast is supposed to be amuck. The mayor and the village council have warned locals that Zarozje’s legendary vampire, Sava Savanovic, might be pissed off and looking for blood now that the abandoned mill where he has dwelt for years untold has finally collapsed. In all apparent seriousness, officials have advised villagers to stock up on garlic and religious paraphernalia to keep Savanovic at bay. But given the vampire’s tourist appeal, garlic might not be the only thing that smells in Zarozje…
  • “Big Brother is watching, and he really is gay.” That’s the title of a chapter in Dr. Michael Brown’s book A Queer Thing Happened to America. In a recent webcast of an interview with Brown, Rick Joyner of MorningStar Ministries claimed that at a Christian conference he attended in Switzerland last summer, Swiss attendees refused to use the words “wife” or “husband” to describe their spouses. Instead, they used the word “partner”.  Asked why, a Swiss man supposedly informed Joyner that gender-specific titles for your significant other are classified as hate speech in Switzerland; you can actually go to jail for saying you have a wife or a husband. I’m calling BS on this one. Such radical restrictions on free speech would raise an international outcry, and there simply isn’t one. Either Joyner was misinformed, or he’s lying. His claims are remarkably similar to hate crime urban legends and misinformation that have been circulating in the Christian community for years: Hate crime legislation will prevent pastors from preaching against homosexuality, gays are trying to ban straight marriage, legislation could forbid homeschooling parents from sharing their opinions on gay marriage with their kids, etc.
    When it comes to human rights, gays are not at the top of the list, as a particularly nasty bit of proposed legislation in Uganda shows.
  • The last time I wrote about fake nuns, there was a serial killer/cult leader involved. This time, a fake nun in England simply sent some white powder to politicians and aristocrats because she was annoyed by their worship of Satan. Over the summer and autumn, 71-year-old “Sister” Ruth Augustus mailed envelopes stuffed with some harmless substance to Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, Baroness Scotland, Baroness Kennedy, and MP Edward Leigh.  On the envelopes Augustus had written “devil worshipping”, “freemason”, “sex with 30 plus women”, “stop this evil devil worshipping”, and “stop these evil devil-worshipping freemasons.” The one addressed to Baroness Scotland also bore a swastika.  Augustus refers to herself as a disabled Catholic nun who works for a children’s charity, but she does not actually belong to any Catholic order, and does not seem to be employed by any charity organization.  For sending “noxious substances” through the mail, she has been ordered to undergo mental health treatment and serve a two-year community order.
  •  Also this autumn, the entire town of Gypsum, Colorado, rallied behind a 9-year-old cancer patient named Alex Jordan, a boy no one in the community had ever met. According to a Jordan family friend, Alex’s parents relocated to Gypsum earlier this year so the boy could spend his final days in the mountains. He was dying of leukemia, after defeating it two years earlier. From his hospital bed, Alex enthusiastically followed the local high school football team, the Eagle Valley Devils, over the Internet. As soon as they learned about their number one fan, team members signed a football for Alex, began displaying the letter A on their helmets, and even wrote his name on the fence that surrounds their field. Soon, hundreds of other locals joined a Facebook page in support of Alex. When they learned at the end of October that Alex had died, Gypsum residents mourned the brave little boy who had become the Devils’ unofficial mascot. But, as in the cases of Kaycee Nicole Swenson, Jonathan Jay White, and Anthony Godby Johnson, a few people wondered why no one had actually seen this kid or his parents. The only individual with a known connection to the Jordan family was that mysterious family friend who had first mentioned him to local reporters and football parents, 22-year-old Briana Augustenborg. As it turned out, Augustenborg had created “Alex” out of thin air, for reasons that are not entirely clear (she didn’t attempt to raise any money, and didn’t accept any gifts or donations). Alex Jordan now joins a long list of cancer-related hoaxes that preyed upon the tenderhearted.
  • Meanwhile, UN conspiracy theories are in full bloom – and they’re actually getting a bit of mainstream attention. A small but vocal coalition of U.S. senators led by Rick Santorum is opposing ratification of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities, arguing that it will impinge upon parental rights, if not actually make every disabled child a ward of the New World Order global superstate (a view shared by the Home School Legal Defense Association and other homeschooling advocates). Other Republicans have succumbed to Agenda 21 paranoia, believing the UN and Obama are conspiring to forcibly relocate rural dwellers, and/or control their minds.

I would love to combine all these stories into a TV series about a gay, undead Bigfoot. He must defeat a bogus nun who pretends to have cancer and sends hate mail to the UN.

 

The Prodigal Witch Part XVII: More Illuminati Defectors

So far in this series, we have seen two people who claimed they were born into the Illuminati (John Todd, Doc Marquis), two women who claimed they were enslaved by the Illuminati (Cisco Wheeler, Arizona Wilder), one guy who says he joined the Illuminati of his own free will (BIll Schnoebelen), and another guy who hints he had some dealings with the Illuminati (Mike Warnke). Their accounts differed, dramatically so in some cases, but they all agreed on one thing: The Illuminati is pure evil, and all its members worship Satan or Lucifer. These next two Illuminati defectors have used that same basic script, adding a few of their own twists.

Leo Zagami in 2008, being interviewed by Kerry Cassidy

Leo Zagami

Leo Zagami is the first European in this series, the youngest person in this series, the first one to claim he has returned to the Illuminati to help reform it, and the first to establish his own religion. He surfaced online in 2006, on a now-defunct site called Illuminati Confessions, and quickly gained a small but devoted following in the conspiracy community. No one had stepped forward to take the place of Arizona Wilder after she went quiet in 2003, so Zagami was offering up the first brand-new revelations from an Illuminati insider in three years. By this time, Todd was confined to a psychiatric ward, Schnoebelen had moved on to talking about his vampirism, and the other defectors had been out of the Illuminati for at least a decade.

I have to admit, I don’t have much love for this guy. He’s certainly not as despicable as convicted rapist John Todd, but he definitely lacks the hucksterish charm of Warnke and Schnoebelen.  I found much of what he had to say to be bigoted, hateful nonsense. This guy doesn’t like Jews, Catholics (though he used to be one), Muslims (though he used to be one), or occultists (though he supposedly used to be one). He basically says the Third Reich was a Jewish creation, set up for the sole purpose of establishing a Jewish homeland in Palestine. He says all Catholics are spies for the Vatican. He says Islam is a Jesuit-created deception. He tells us the Vatican is riddled with high-level Muslim moles and Satanists.  (1)

Everything he has to say could have been gleaned from conspiracy paperbacks and a few websites; he has no startling revelations to offer, though he acts as if he’s dropping pearls of rare wisdom. Talking about demons, he tells us, “If you knew the reality what these entities were, you would not even touch them, you would just drove the other way.” (That’s another problem: His English is so dodgy that listening to his interviews or reading his website is an agonizing ordeal.) (1)

Personal feelings aside, though, Zagami’s information simply doesn’t stand up to any amount of scrutiny.

 Leo’s Story
 
Unlike Marquis and Todd, Zagami wasn’t exactly born into the Illuminati. He claims, however, that some of his relatives were high-ranking members. This, combined with his aristocratic background, opened doors for him when he was in his early twenties. That’s when a family friend introduced him to Freemasonry, one of the most powerful branches of the Illuminati.
 
Zagami was born in Rome in 1970. His father, Elio Zagami, comes from an aristocratic Sicilian background (he is the son of the late Sicilian senator Leopoldo Zagami and the Marquisa di Gregorio). His mother, Jessica Lyon Young, is descended from European aristocracy. His maternal grandmother, the late bohemian novelist Anne Cumming (Felicity Mason), was a prominent member of the Illuminati. His maternal grandfather, writer Henry Lyon Young, was a first cousin of the Queen Mother.  (2)
“That means I’m technically a Sicilian Don and a Prince of the Sacred Roman Empire and a person protected by their own Vatican secret constitutions, so they can’t touch me,” Zagami once boasted to conspiranoid radio host Greg Szymanski. 
Zagami was raised as a Catholic, but introduced to the occult at an early age. His grandmother Mason gave him a copy of Aleister Crowley’s Book of Thoth when he was just 11 years old, and he often dipped into his father’s magical library.  (1)
In 1993, 23-year-old Leo was initiated into an irregular Masonic lodge. Between that initiation and his departure from the Illuminati in 2006, he was connected to a bewildering array of Masonic lodges (all irregular, with one exception), as well as the Ordo Templi Orientis, a few fraternal organizations, and some secret societies. Ultimately he became a member of something he calls the Committee of Monte Carlo, a Freemasonic lodge that serves not only as a hub for arms-dealing (Leo’s primary source of income at that time), but as a meeting place for “senior Masons” of various nationalities and traditions. It is also, of course, a front for the Illuminati. 
Zagami tells us that this Monte Carlo lodge was an offshoot of Propaganda Due, or P2, the infamous Italian lodge, and that he was groomed to take over the reigns of power from P2’s enigmatic “Puppet Master”, Licio Gelli. Thanks to his aristocratic background, he moved rapidly through the Freemasonic ranks to join the Supreme Council of the 33rd Degree (a degree conferred only by the Scottish Rite Freemasons)
 
I have long been fascinated by Propaganda Due and the banking-related scandals that erupted around it in the ’80s. It’s a staggeringly complex web of fraud, murder, and blackmail that I can’t even begin to cover here, and much of what occurred remains a mystery. 
So you would expect this Zagami guy to offer up a lot of juicy, inside information about Gelli, P2’s inner workings, and the banking scandals, right? 
Then you’ll be disappointed. Wikipedia has more to say about Gelli than Leo Zagami does, and his brief recap of the scandals is P2 101. Seriously, you’ll learn more from listening to 5 minutes of Robert Anton Wilson than you will from listening to 5 hours of Zagami – and unfortunately, I did listen to 5 hours of Zagami. 
 
P2 effectively ceased to exist after its membership was exposed in 1981, and that occurred when Leo Zagami was about 11 years old. Are you telling me that one of the most powerful secret cabals in Italy was grooming a grade-school student to take over for the Puppet Master? Besides, Gelli already had a second-in-command, his business partner Umberto Ortoloni. 
 
Zagami’s mentor and “boss” within the Illuminati was the head of the Monte Carlo lodge. I thought Gelli was the head of this lodge? Well, never mind. That’s not the last contradiction you’ll see in this story. 
Leo made his money by dealing in weapons. He also worked as a club DJ and music producer, attracting fans all over the world. Somehow, he was also linked to NATO’s Operation Gladio. He went by several aliases. (2)
 
Zagami’s Illuminati isn’t headed by the Rothschilds, as most of the other Illuminati defectors in this series have stated, nor by Arizona Wilder’s horny French noble “Pindar”. And the Illuminati isn’t headquartered in California like John Todd, Mike Warnke, or Wilder would have you believe. No, this Illuminati is centred in Jerusalem and Rome. Zionists and the Vatican are at the top of the power pyramid. Jesuits (or as Zagami calls them, “Jesooites”), in particular, are very powerful within the Illuminati. The pope takes all his orders from the Jesuit General (in 2006, when Zagami first appeared on the conspiracy scene, this was Father Peter Hans Kolvenbach, the “Vatican’s top Satanist”).  (3)
This Illuminati strongly resembles the one described by Bill Schnoebelen, a surreal mishmash of occultism and ritual magick, Catholicism, Freemasonry, and New Age beliefs. The Ordo Templi Orientis is part of the Illuminati, as are Opus Dei and the Rotary clubs. Zagami even claims there’s a real Priory of Sion, though it’s not the same one Dan Brown used in The Da Vinci Code.  (4)
Aleister Crowley’s 1904 revelations are extremely important to them. The closest thing the Illuminati has to scripture is Crowley’s Book of the Law, though the Bible and the Q’ran also play significant roles (as we have seen throughout this series, no one can seem to agree on the central texts used by the world’s Satanic elite). 
Zagami says the primary goal of the Illuminati is to usher in the endtimes and the earthly kingdom of God. But its members are also Satanists who outwardly adhere to the three main religions. So I guess that makes them….Christians pretending to be Satanists pretending to be Christians, Muslims, and Jews? And if that’s not complicated enough, we have Muslim cardinals pretending to be Catholic (yet Zagami points out that Islam forbids the practice of magic, and the Vatican is steeped in occult practices – how does that work?).
For centuries, the Jesuits and the Pope have been practicing magicians who know how to summon demons from other dimensions. Today, these demons masquerade as aliens. The elite want you to believe that UFOs and ETs are unknown phenomena, because they can’t admit they’re conjuring demons with the use of black magic rituals. (1)
Sometimes, demons manifest as Reptilians
 
Like Arizona Wilder, Zagami identifies the late pseudohistorian Zecharia Sitchin as a source of disinformation. His 2007 book The End of Days was written by order of the Vatican to distract people from the real aliens and the real endtimes preparations. 
The late Monsignor Caraddo Balducci, one of the few high-ranking Catholic clerics to express interest in UFOs, was really an Illuminati demonologist. When he declared that ETs are not demonic, he was lying. 
The Jesuits, too, are masters of disinformation. They invented Planet X and Nibiru, and they are behind much of the ersatz spirituality of the New Age movement. Meanwhile, they were eager to establish an observatory on Mount Graham despite Native American opposition because they know that demons dwell on top of that mountain, and they like to keep an eye on the sky for astrological purposes. You see, the Vatican’s demon-invoking rituals have to be conducted at precise times in order to be effective. 
Never mind that the Mount Graham Observatory is an international establishment, actually consisting of several different observatories maintained by different nations. The site was selected for its elevation and the low level of light pollution in the vicinity, as most observatory sites are. 
Zagami insists the Jesooites churn out disinfo to mask the reality of our situation: We are in the midst of a continuous war waged between good and evil, angels and demons. Um. Isn’t that precisely what the Catholic Church teaches? 
 
Muslims, too, know how to summon djinn and use them for their own purposes. Zagami tells a rambling story about one of his ex-wife’s relatives, an “uncle or granddad” who had a farm. Using secret codes from the Q’ran, this farmer was able to summon demons to do all his farm work for him. (1)
 
Zagami’s Illuminati differs from Bill Schnoebelen’s in many key aspects. Leo apparently didn’t have to have sex with a fallen angel or converse with the dead as part of his initiation process, and he wasn’t required to become a Catholic priest. He didn’t have to convince seven people to sell their souls. These are all steps that Schnoebelen identifies as essential for all high-ranking Illuminati members. After a certain stage of illumination is reached, the initiate has to decide between lycanthropy and vampirism. Zagami has nothing to say about vampires and werewolves at all, so I guess he skipped that step. 
This Illuminati also differs from John Todd’s version. Zagami has worked as a club DJ, yet he doesn’t have anything to say about the demonic evils of music, while Todd told churchgoers that each and every musical artist signed to a major label must sell his/her soul to the Devil, and described how Satanic rituals were used to implant demons into every master recording. Also, Todd stated that very few Illuminati members are Jewish, while Zagami says the entire organization is controlled by Jews and Catholics. Todd said the central scripture of Satanism is the fictitious Necronomicon; Zagami says it’s Crowley’s Book of the Law
 
Zagami doesn’t drop as many names as Arizona Wilder once did, but he’s not as close-mouthed as Doc Marquis. He identifies key members of the Ordo Templi Orientis as CIA-controlled Illuminists. In addition to the Jesuit General Kolvenbach, he names the late Alberto Moscato as a high-ranking member and 33rd degree Mason, in charge of all the O.T.O’s Satanic activities in Italy. The now-defunct political party Alleanza Nazionale was flush with Illuminati members. Giorgio Balestrieri, head of the Rotary Club in New York, was one of Zagami’s superiors. Zagami claims Balestrieri is a weapons dealer and a P2 member. (1)  Olympic athlete Jean-Pierre Giudicelli is a P2 member. Massimo Introvigne is a Satanist, and was present for a Black Mass held in the Vatican in 2000. (3) These are just of the names – some obscure, some well-known – that Zagami sprinkles into his interviews. 
 
A dramatic conversion…sort of
 
Zagami began to have differences of opinion with Opus Dei and the American faction of the Illuminati in 2003.  He knew that some of the demons being invoked by himself and his cohorts posed a threat to the rest of mankind, and wanted to put a stop to the rituals associated with them. The CIA-controlled American arm of the Illuminati would not be swayed. This was the beginning of his disenchantment with the occult practices of the Illuminati. 
According to Zagami, rifts and battles are common among the various Illuminati factions. For example, Opus Dei and the Jesuits are at odds, each struggling for control. He was aligned with the Opus Dei faction, which doesn’t practice black magic as enthusiastically as the Jesuit faction.
Zagami tried to distance himself from the Illuminati at this time, but was unable to extricate himself from it entirely. Instead, he fomented a small revolution within the ranks of the European Illuminati. (1)
 
In 2004, Zagami secretly established his own religion, Matrixism. Go ahead and guess what it’s based on. 
Given the heavy gnostic Christian overtones in that film, you’d think gnostic Christianity would be the natural choice for Zagami. But no. He’d rather make up a religion based on a freaking movie. I’m not really sure what this religion is all about, and frankly I don’t care. For all I know, you take some drugs, sit in a chair, and pretend to do Kung Fu. If you’re interested, its tenets are laid out on Zagami’s website
 
A year later,  Zagami married a Sufi and converted to Islam. He wished to “infiltrate the bloodline of Prophet Mohammed”, whatever the hell that means. (2)
But he was still a…what, exactly? A Catholic Satanist Matrixist? 
 
In June 2006, Zagami discovered that former Italian president Francesco Cossiga had ordered Giorgio Balestrieri to have him killed if he didn’t follow a specific set of orders. (2)
The previous month, his wife had a dream about Balestrieri working for the Antichrist. 
In July 2006, Zagami visited London and observed first-hand the Illuminati preparations for the staged attacks of 7/7. Being a loyal Illuminati member at that time, he didn’t alert anyone to what was happening.
On the day the attacks actually occurred, Zagami’s son (his second child) was born. These events led him to the realization that the Illuminati isn’t working for the betterment of mankind, and he finally decided to break away. He emerged as a “whistleblower” later that year. His former cohorts were displeased, of course, and for his own safety Zagami relocated to Norway with his family. This contradicts his boast about being untouchable because he was “protected by their own Vatican secret constitutions”.
His first English-language interview was given to Greg Syzmanski in October, 2006. 
His popularity was limited mostly to rabid anti-Zionists like Szymanski, Jeff Rense and Henry Makow (whom I’ve mentioned before on this blog), hateful bigots like “Unhived Mind” (a conspiracy blog that refers to Mitt Romney as “Fagmaster”), and ultra-credulous conspiranoids like the Project Camelot duo. 
Zagami’s new mission was to expose and interfere with the Illuminati to the greatest extent possible. He claims that his first counter-Illuminati actions led to his arrest and torture in Italy. 
 
In February of 2008, Zagami was interviewed in his Oslo home by Kerry Cassidy of Project Camelot. I’ve written about this wacky duo several times (here,for instance). Once, they declared that information from their sources indicated Earth would run out of oxygen in about three months (that was three years ago). 
Nothing in the Zagami interview inspires me to change my mind about their work. At one point, Cassidy interrupts Zagami’s rambling discourse about demonic aliens to ask, “Now you haven’t sold your soul, is that correct?”. 
Zagami displays to the camera a folder bulging with “official documentation” that can validate his various claims, but we don’t actually get to examine its contents. 
 
Zagami and his wife separated in the same month this interview was conducted, and Leo promptly ditched Islam. He now denounces it as a Jesooite-created sham. This is a theory heavily promoted by Jack Chick, a key figure in the Rebecca Brown hoax and the John Todd hoax.
On his website, Zagami writes that he is also “affiliated with people connected with the gnostic congregation in Oslo (Ecclesia Gnostica Norvegia)”. 
 
He was forced out of Norway in early 2008.
 
Now here’s where it gets confusing. In May 2008, after his separation from his wife and his departure from Islam, Zagami decided to rejoin the Illuminati – as a good guy this time. Now he “personally controls major parts of the Illuminati”, a faction he calls the Illuminati Resistance. It is supported, he claims, by a chivalric order known as the Knights Templar of the Apocalypse, with members recruited from the military, law enforcement, the FBI, and the CIA.  Zagami’s Resistance also has its own paramilitary security corporation, Green Lyons Security Team, consisting of “approximately 12,000 troops”. (2)  He’s starting to sound a lot like Benjamin Fulford. In fact, Fulford has played along with Zagami’s Illuminati stories, even though Freemasons are the good guys in his version of the Illuminati. Both men are enthusiastically supported by the batshit-crazy Henry Makow. 
Reminds me of the time bogus Holocaust survivors Lauren Stratford and Binjamin Wilkomirski met up and “recognized” one another. 
 
In 2009, with an Italian girlfriend, Zagami returned to Italy. Then the girlfriend ended  up betraying him in some crazy conspiracy, and in March 2009 he was confined to a mental asylum on the Isola Tiberina.
 
He remains a faithful Matrixist. In fact, he is now Neo Leo Lyon Zagami, the Prophet of Matrixism. He claims to have 16,000 followers. I’m not sure if 12,000 of them are also his employees or not. 
 
This year, Zagami published the first volume of a projected three-volume memoir (in Italian). 
 
In the four years since his re-entry into the Illuminati, Zagami has fallen out of favor with many of his fans in the conspiracy community. Greg Szymanski, who believes “the Illuminati is the Vatican and the Vatican is the Illuminati”, denounced Zagami as a Luciferian Jesuit propagandist after an eccentric anti-Jesuit crusader named Slats Grobnik told him that Zagami can’t possibly be a 33rd Degree Mason unless he possesses a copy of a “secret” book given only to high-level Masons, Albert Pike’s Moral and Dogma. Never mind that you can buy it on Amazon
Szymanski and Zagami seem to have buried the hatchet, however. 
Disenchanted Zagami fans and critics have embraced some interesting theories about who he really is. One fellow thinks he’s a Reptilian, and another seems to believe he’s actually Aussie comedian Steve Hughes. 
 
Back in 2007, Zagami warned that the Illuminati planned to “Nazify” the entire Western world by this year, persecuting all religious believers. Guess they’re a tad behind schedule.
 
More Deep Thoughts and astounding insights from Leo Zagami:
  • “Magic is the calculation of the arts, with peculiar calculations around the symbols, to evoke certain entities and have from them, if you want, certain gratifications.” (2008 Project Camelot interview)
  • “The president die, the president of the U.S., or no? Yes, he dies. One day, he will die. He can’t be mortal, okay? So he has to meet death. Well, for him to meet death without the approval of the pope, is to be basically scrubbed off the map. Because they themselves are relying on those blessings and that network to bring their power to their successors, to the people after them, and to the people after and after.” (Project Camelot interview)
  • “I also  know for a fact the Satanist and Nazi, [Pope] Benedict, has a 24-year-old gay lover and that Satanic worshipping does go on at the Vatican. Most recently, in May of 2000, a Black Mass was celebrated with Satanist Aleister Crowley’s follower William Breeze present, as as Satanists Alberto Moscato and Massimo Introvigne, who are intermediaries for the Jesuits.” (2006 Greg Szymanski article)
  • “The P2 and the Jesuits keep their privileges alive in Monte Carlo because they blackmail even the gay Prince Alberto II of Monte Carlo who had been doing orgies with two black gay men and one black woman at the same time not knowing there was a P2 Brother with a camera living next door. The woman actually had a son from the Prince because of one of these encounters, as some of you in the gossip field might remember.” (Szymanski article) Even if this was 100% true, would any of it really matter? Who cares what kind of orgies the dude has? 
  • “Wahabi or wahibi as you call them were created by the Zionists and their English friends who think they are the lost tribe of Israel as the same happened with Arafat and the so-called Muslim Brotherhood created by English intelligence.” (Syzmanski article) If you don’t know how to spell nor correctly pronounce “Wahhabi”, it’s safe to say you don’t know much about Wahhabism
  • “The reality of humanity’s existence now has changed for ever. Mr. Zagami’s arrival in Chicago on April 20 2008 a date chosen for its symbolic connotations, marks a watershed in the thus far unorganized grassroots resistance against the New World Order.” (Zagami’s website)
Why we probably shouldn’t take Zagami’s story at face value
  • He hasn’t provided much in the way of documentation, and what he does present is just silly. Take, for example, the ridiculous Masonic ID badge that he flaunts as proof of his Masonic affiliation.
  • We know very little of his background. Which schools did he attend? Does he have siblings, and are they supposedly part of the Illuminati, too? 
  • To be unkind for a moment, his physical appearance and demeanor are not those of someone from a privileged, aristocratic background. His English is poor, and his writing skills are minimal. He rarely waits for anyone to finish a sentence before continuing his circuitous, disjointed ramblings. Cosmetic dentistry has clearly never been a part of his life.
  • We don’t have a shred of evidence for the existence of his 12,000-strong paramilitary force. Not one photo. Not a single video. Nothing.
  • We have absolutely no evidence that he was involved in arms trafficking. His only known source of income was his work as a club DJ. 
  • His grasp of occult history is rather shallow. He can rattle off the names of famous magicians like Cagliostro and Crowley, but he doesn’t have much to say about them. Some things are just wrong. For instance, he states that L. Ron Hubbard joined the “Parsons lodge” (the O.T.O.’s Agape Lodge in Pasadena) after he established Scientology. In reality, Hubbard was briefly involved with Jack Parsons four years before Dianetics was introduced. You’d think an O.T.O. initiate would know this. He identifies the head of the American O.T.O. in 2001 as Lon Milo DuQuette. Since 1996, this position (national Grand Master General) has been held by Frater Sabazius X°. DuQuette is the Deputy Grand Master. 
  • Most of his “inside information” about the Illuminati is stuff that can be found in conspiracy literature. The rest is either unverifiable or nonsensical, like the Satanists posing as Muslims posing as Catholics. If the Illuminati really existed and really operated in this fashion, it would be a hot mess unworthy of our attention. 
He has had 6 years to provide solid proof of his involvement in high-level Freemasonry and arms trafficking, 4 years to provide solid proof that he is in command of a huge paramilitary force, and a whole lifetime to provide solid proof of his august lineage. He has not done so. 
 
If Zagami wasn’t a big-time weapons dealer and Illuminati kingpin, then what was he? 
Well, first of all, he wasn’t a real Freemason for very long. The website Masonic Info has examined some of his claims, and they have a page dedicated to calling bullshit on them. His Committee of Monte Carlo doesn’t seem to exist, P2 ceased to be an accepted lodge when he was still in kindergarten, and vanished completely when he was 11 years old. Zagami briefly belonged to only one regular lodge, Kirby Lodge 2818, and was ejected from it. This means that Zagami does not legitimately hold the title of 33rd Degree Mason. 
From this history, it’s clear that Zagami attempted to become a legit Mason, failed, then joined as many irregular lodges and traditions as he could. If he was an “untouchable” bloodline Illuminati member, groomed to take Licio Gelli’s position, why did he get kicked out of the only regular lodge to which he ever belonged? Shouldn’t his lodge brothers have quailed before his tremendous power? 
 
Furthermore, according to comments on a conspiracy forum, Zagami was ejected from the O.T.O. and the Order of Memphis and Misraim, as well. Nicholaj Frisvold has expressed regret for initiating Zagami into the Franco-Haitian order, and the Norwegian O.T.O. also gave him the boot. 
Again, if the O.T.O. is a branch of the Illuminati, and Leo Zagami is a powerful figure within the Illuminati, just how did he get kicked out of organizations that his people supposedly control? 
 
Zagami’s story is convincing to some people precisely because it is vague and full of unverifiable information. His supporters will say that Masonic lodges can exist in secret for decades (even though Gelli’s P2 was exposed after just 5 years), that some Catholic clerics might very well be Satanists posing as Muslims, that Islam was invented by Jesuits as a means of controlling the Middle East, etc. 
But isn’t it also possible that an imaginative young DJ with the gift of gab used his interest in the occult and conspiracy theories to craft a personal history that would appeal to the more credulous members of the conspiracy community? 
 
 
 
“Svali”
 
 
I’m not going to spend much time on the Illuminati defector known as Svali, because a “whistleblower” who won’t even use his/her name is about as useful and reliable as a mousetrap made entirely out of cheese. 
 
“Svali” in 2003
 
 
Svali emerged in 2000, posting articles about Satanic ritual abuse and her own escape from a Luciferian cult on a blog called Svali Speaks (many of these articles have been reposted by others since that time). 
Svali, then living in Texas, claimed she was raised by wealthy parents who belonged to an abusive Luciferian cult linked to the Illuminati. Born in Germany, she moved with her family to the U.S. in her early years. They settled in the San Diego area, where the cult has a large following.
She was subjected to extensive mind control programming and ritual abuse from a very young age. At 12, she was taken to a series of catacombs beneath the Vatican, filled with mummies. In one room was a large, golden pentagram, where she and two other children were to be officially inducted into the cult. An altar-like table of dark stone was set up in the center of the room. A small boy, 3 or 4 years old, was lying motionlessly on the table (appearing drugged or unconscious). The boy was ritually sacrificed in a ceremony that involved Latin incantations. Terrified, Svali and the other two children didn’t intervene. After the completion of the ritual, Svali was ordered to swear her allegience to the New World Order. She was warned that she, too, would be sacrificed if she ever violated her oath. (The Illuminati was evidently bluffing, because Svali survived an appearance on national television, radio interviews, and numerous blog posts that exposed the Illuminati’s hideous deeds.)
By the age of 22, she was the cult’s youngest “leadership council” member in San Diego. She was trained to program the children of other cult members, and acted as a “head trainer” until her escape in 1996. This involved indoctrination, martial arts, and firearms training as well as mind control programming. Hypnosis and sedation were often used prior to programming, to render the children more calm and suggestible. Electric shock was used to discourage certain behaviours. 
Svali was instructed to give false information to the kids, and gradually realized that she must have been deceived as a child, too. 
In the ’80s, Svali was forced to marry another cult victim. They had two children together. Svali’s husband became a Naval officer. By day, Svali taught at a Christian school and raised her children in an outwardly normal manner. They even attended Christian schools (affiliated with the Illuminati). By night, she and her husband – like all Illuminati members – were programmed to attend secret meetings. Each attendee would drive to an Illuminati meeting place, change out of their street clothes, and don a military-style uniform. Training sessions would then be held in the middle of the night, in well-guarded locations. 
In 1996, when she was in her late thirties. Svali fled to another state, breaking away from the cult. She was separated from her husband at the time, and the children were with their grandparents. Mr. Svali subsequently filed for divorce, but then changed his mind and joined his wife in exile. Though they weren’t menaced by vengeful cultists in the same manner that John Todd and Edna Moses claimed to have been, she was nervous enough to refrain from using her real name. Like Arizona wilder, she worked as a nurse.
Svali converted to Christianity, like most of the former Satanists and witches in this series. (5)
 
Svali’s Illuminati is centred in Europe and headed by twelve cardinal-like “fathers”. Each Illuminati centre is known as a “house”. The power structure she outlined bears no resemblance to any of the other hierarchies described in this series, and the terminology is unique. Children are raised to enter one of twelve disciplines dominated by the Illuminati. They can’t become, say, disc jockeys. 
Svali told Henry Makow that although there are Jewish people in the Illuminati, bigotry prevents them from rising to high-level positions unless they renounce their faith. In fact, there is a strong Aryan, “Fourth Reich” element in the Illuminati.
The goal of this Illuminati is simply to control the world by the year 2050. Svali doesn’t mention the endtimes. (5)
 
Svali appeared on a November 3, 2003 installment of the TechTV program Conspiracies, “Satanic Panic”. Her story was embraced and promoted by many of the same people who fell for Zagami’s tales: Greg Szymanski, Henry Makow, Project Camelot. None of these people pointed to the obvious inconsistencies between Svali’s Illuminati and Zagami’s Illuminati. 
She gave one interview to Szymanski’s Investigative Journal radio show on January 17, 2006. This was her last known radio interview. 
At some point, a woman known only as Maria stepped forward to claim she was part of the same Illuminati Luciferian cult as Svali. According to Szymanski, Maria died mysteriously in St. Peter’s Square. As Maria never revealed her true identity, there’s no way to confirm this.
In 2006, Svali dropped out of communication, leading her supporters to worry she had disappeared. Project Camelot reported in 2009 that she was still alive and well, but after that she fell off the radar again. Her current status and whereabouts are unknown. 
 
Sources
 
2. Zagami’s official website, leozagami.com (audio NSFW)
3. More High Level Illuminati Inside Info From Monte Carlo P2 Masonic Lodge Defector” by Greg Szymanski @ Arctic Beacon.com. November 7, 2006.  
4. Greg Szymanski interview of Leo Zagami on The Investigative Journal radio show. March 31, 2012. (YouTube)
5. Greg Szymanski interview of Svali on The Investigative Journal radio show. January 17, 2006. (Project Camelot) 

The Prodigal Witch Part XVI: Illuminati Slaves (Part I)

The next two former Satanists both claim they were born into the Illuminati and forced, via sophisticated mind control, to take part in Illuminati rituals and government misdeeds. Like Lauren Stratford, both women claim they were victims of Dr. Josef Mengele.
Their stories differ markedly from most of the others in this series, as they consist largely of memories “recovered” in the course of psychotherapy. Also, one of the women had extensive involvement with transdimensional reptoids disguised as humans, or something along those lines.

Illuminati Slaves Part I: Cisco Wheeler

The story of Cisco Wheeler is unique not only because of her long-term collaboration with lay minister-cum-bank-robber Fritz Springmeier, but because she and Fritz have given the world step-by-step instructions on how to create virtual zombies with “trauma-based mind control”.

Cisco Wheeler is one of several women (and a few men, like Jay Parker) who claim they were subjected to stupefyingly complex mind control programming by agents of the U.S. government as part of an MK-ULTRA sub-program they call the Monarch Project. Generally, these people have no conscious recall of their involvement with the project, and must “recover” their “repressed” memories with the aid of hypnosis, journaling, and/or deprogramming.
Monarch Project women are a whole other post. For now, I’ll just say that one of the most disconcerting things about the Monarch women is that, almost without exception, they have male “handlers” who have allegedly deprogrammed them. These men accompany them on speaking tours, co-author their books, sit beside them during interviews, and in some cases even marry them.

Fritz Springmeier served this role for Cisco Wheeler. Springmeier is a Christian conspiranoid, recently released from prison after serving time for bombing a porno shop and robbing a bank (you can learn a bit more about him on a Leaving Alex Jonestown post). You may remember him from the post on John Todd (he vociferously defended Todd long after Todd had been discredited, and used a lot of Todd’s make-believe family history in his book The Top 13 Illuminati Bloodlines).
At the time Cisco met him in the early ’90s, Springmeier was a married father running some sort of ministry out of his house.
Building on earlier Monarch Project accounts and Christian Patriot conspiracy tales, Springmeier and Wheeler crafted an Illuminati mythos that has had a tremendous influence on the fringier conspiracy theorists. You can’t get very far into the conspiranoia labyrinth without running into their massive self-published tome, The Illuminati Formula Used to Create an Undetectable Total Mind Controlled Slave, first issued in 1996.

Cisco’s Story

You’d think The Illuminati Formula, being heavily based on Cisco Wheeler’s “memories”, would be chock-full of information about her. It isn’t. In fact, so little is known of Wheeler’s background that we don’t even known what her real name is (it’s variously given as Linda Johnson or Linda Anderson, though she maintains her maiden name is Wheeler). She was born in the late 1940s, possibly in the Western U.S. Other than that, the woman is a cipher. She rarely gives interviews, and the only available photo of her is a blurry snapshot perhaps taken at a speaking engagement.

Cisco Wheeler, I guess. Could also be Mickey Roarke.


Her supposed background

Cisco claims her father’s uncle was “General Earl Grant Wheeler… a direct descendant of Ulysses Grant… [and] head of the American military in the Vietnam War.” (1) There are some problems with this:

  • General Earle Gilmore Wheeler (d. 1975) was not related to Ulysses S Grant.
  • So far as I can determine, he did not have any siblings.
Cisco’s paternal ancestors were Illuminati members, and Cisco’s birth was planned according to Illuminati “rules”. Her father married her mother solely because she was a virtuous Christian woman, and part of the Illuminati’s New World Order scheme at that time (the late ’40s) was to infiltrate and undermine Christian churches (something also described by John Todd, the first supposed Illuminati member to go public). To this end, Mr. Wheeler became an ordained Pentacostal minister. But that was not his only source of income. In the ’60s, he and his uncle (General Wheeler) smuggled drugs out of Vietnam in the bodies of dead U.S. soldiers.

It has long been rumoured that heroin smugglers used soldiers’ corpses or coffins to hide their shipments during ‘Nam, and infamous New York-based dealer Frank Lucas even bragged about leading this so-called “Cadaver Connection”. However, there’s no evidence that anyone ever actually used the technique. A key member of Lucas’s ring, Leslie “Ike” Atkinson, told journalist Ron Chepesiuk the entire notion was a hoax. (2)

Protip: Sometimes, heroin traffickers lie.

The Illuminati according to Herr Springmeier
Springmeier identifies the Illuminati as a Luciferian organization, also known as Moriah or simply the Circle, headed by a Grande Druid Council. In 1996, when The Illuminati Formula first appeared, the Circle supposedly contained millions of members worldwide. Membership is usually conferred by birth, but recruitment takes place on a limited scale. Rigorous obedience to some sort of code of conduct is required of each and every member, and some degree of mind control is de rigeur. Those who do not submit are dispatched in “ritual gladiator type duels”. Escape is next to impossible. “Unless God intervenes, people who are born into the Illuminati don’t escape it while alive.” (3)
Like all Illuminati members, Cisco’s father worshiped Satan and took part in many arcane rituals, including human sacrifice. Cisco was forced to participate in this lifestyle against her will, much as Lauren Stratford claimed to have been. She was trained up to be a Mother of Darkness, or high priestess, within the Illuminati. Just like John Todd, Edna Moses, and Bill Schnoebelen, Cisco ties homicidal Satanism firmly to Catholics (particularly Jesuits), Freemasons, and Wiccans. She claims her father was a 33rd degree Freemason.
The oldest child in her family, she was selected for trauma-based mind control programming before she was even born. In fact, she says she was first traumatized while in utero. The purpose of the abuse was to traumatize Cisco so severely she would dissociate and develop Multiple Personality Disorder/Dissociative Identity Disorder. This “trauma-based mind control”, according to the Monarch Project survivors, is a combination of every kind of mind control technique known to man. Through the skillful use of torture, hypnosis, drugs, and conditioning, Illuminati programmers create DID in children, then program each alternate personality (“alter”) to perform a specific function. For instance, one alter might be a sex slave and another an assassin. Each one would be programmed to emerge at a spoken command, carry out whatever actions a controller wished him/her to do, then disappear with another spoken command. The core personality (Cisco) and the other alters would experience a fugue state and remain completely unaware that anything unusual had occurred. Springmeier tells us the techniques were honed by the Nazis and their collaborators; prior to WWII, the Illuminati used more “primitive” methods of mind control. We are to believe that the programmers’ methods were already so sophisticated by the late 1940s that they could ensure no “leakage” or co-consciousness would occur among the alters.
Cisco’s programming took place in hospitals and military installations throughout California and Oregon, including China Lake Naval Base. She was also taken to Scotty’s Castle in Arizona. Her primary programmers were her own father, who went by the codename “Dr. Black”, and a mysterious German known as “Dr. Green”. Cisco eventually realized that Dr. Green was Josef Mengele. She believes Mengele was active in every state of the union, plus Canada, and sometimes went by names other than Green (“Fairchild” was another alias). Bizarrely, he continued to wear his German uniform well into the ’50s, while working at American military installations and hospitals.
According to Springmeier, Mengele had achieved the rank of Grand Master in the Illuminati, and would go on to achieve the even higher rank of Ipsissimus. (“Ipsissimus” was reportedly the title of a grade within the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, though that continues to be disputed, and was later adopted by Aleister Crowley for his own magickal system. It is not a term found beyond this extremely small group of occult practitioners.) As Grand Master, Springmeier explains, Mengele was skilled in Kabbalistic magic, abortions, torture, and programming children. We know Mengele was capable of torture, and he could certainly manage an abortion (he performed many back-alley procedures as a fugitive), but I find it extraordinarily unlikely that a Nazi would study Kabbala. We’ll get into his alleged specialties later.
Training
In a radio interview, Cisco vividly described being kept in a cage somewhere in the desert, surrounded by other kids as young as four in their own cages. The children were deprived of food and water for hours at a time. Then Mengele would show up with a fistful of daisies and distribute them to the children one at a time, saying “I love you,” or “I love you not.” Whenever he said, “I love you not”, that child was summarily executed just to frighten the others. Each time this happened, Cisco would be filled with gratitude for being spared, and would express love and appreciation for Mengele – classic trauma bonding. Cisco later learned she had nothing to fear at those times, though; the children who died were “expendables”, while she was an Illuminati spawn, too precious to be killed. (1)
Cisco was trained as a sex slave from earliest girlhood. One of her first abusers was President Eisenhower. It is this inclusion of well-known personalities that sets Monarch Project accounts apart from the Illuminati stories of the ’70s and ’80s (see John Todd, Doc Marquis). Todd mentioned that David Crosby and other musicians of his acquaintance made pacts with Satan, but until the Monarch women came along, celebrities and heads of state were not usually implicated as child-molesting Satanists. Now, everyone from Kris Kristofferson to JFK has been named as part of the Illuminati mind control/Satanic ritual abuse conspiracy matrix.

Cisco says she was trained to be a programmer herself, and admits she (unwittingly) programmed other Illuminati children. Surely she would know their identities, but so far as we know she has not reported their abuse to the proper authorities.
In the previously mentioned radio interview, Cisco said she was shown records indicating that about 2 million children were programmed in the late ’60s. This contradicts The Illuminati Formula, in which she and Springmeier state that the Illuminati rarely keep written records of anything.

“Recovery”

Cisco didn’t realize there was anything peculiar going on in her life until she was 40 years old. After her father died, suicidal impulses led her alters to seek therapy, and she gradually realized she had Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Then she began to “remember” the horrific abuse she suffered as a child. She somehow met up with three other women who had also been programmed by Mengele and/or her father, and they assisted one another in the healing process. In the radio interview, Cisco mentions Springmeier only as her co-author, but we know that he was her primary “deprogammer“. It seems his second marriage ended, in part, because he spent long periods of time at Cisco’s home, ostensibly to protect her from Illuminati bad guys. This is indicated in a letter Gail Springmeier wrote to preacher Texe Marrs in the mid-’90s, reproduced in an essay on Springmeier by minister John S. Torrell.
Cisco became, and remains, a devout Christian. She speaks about her Illuminati years and the New World Order from a purely religious standpoint, tying into a larger picture of an endtimes battle between the forces of good and the forces of… yeah, you know the drill. Fiery apocalypse, unbelievers cast to the pits of Hell, yadda yadda yadda. She spends a tremendous amount of time telling us why So-and-So is an evil tool of the Masonic New World Order. She’s firmly convinced, for example, that televangelist Benny Hinn will help usher in a one-world government headquartered in Israel. For more of that, you can listen to an interview Ms. Wheeler gave to Greg Syzmanski, or read her latest book, Behold a White Horse (Xulon Press, 2009). Have fun.
Like John Todd and Bill Schnoebelen, Cisco was not able to escape her controllers without a fight. Illuminati intimidation continued long after she broke her programming. She told interviewer Wayne Morris, “We are continually harassed by external threats. We get a lot of phone calls, we get bullets in our windows, we get run off the road, we get letters, we get people that  walk up to us in the grocery store and they threaten us.” (1)  Again, one has to wonder how the Illuminati can operate in near-total secrecy across the whole of the planet, yet can’t manage to eliminate an unarmed individual when she shows up at scheduled, publicized events. And Cisco would surely be a prime target, since Illuminati Formula is basically an instruction manual on how to turn people into biological robots. It contains detailed descriptions of Illuminati torture methods and the various levels of programming, which no other Monarch Project survivor has revealed.
“Implanted” DID
At least one other former Satanist in this series, Lauren Stratford, claimed to have Dissociative Identity Disorder as a result of Satanic ritual abuse. But the notion that Satanists were deliberately creating DID in children didn’t fully develop until the ’90s.
DID is a disorder closely linked to conversion disorders (symptomatic of what used to be called hysteria). It can be iatrogenic in nature, but it probably cannot be created in just anyone. The idea that it could be “implanted” in normal children seems to have originated around 1991, when California pyschotherapists Pamela Reagor and Steven Ray claimed to have discovered solid evidence that some DID patients displayed signs of “sophisticated external implantation, by someone other than the subject…” (4) They referred to this as “structured Multiple Personality Disorder”, to distinguish it from the naturally occurring “reactive MPD”. Reagor and Ray published their preliminary findings in just one journal, an obscure and long-defunct newsletter for trauma victims called Beyond Survival (6th issue, 1991). Their work was curtailed due to Ray’s AIDS-related illness(es).
Ray and Reagor’s work came to my attention through Craig Lockwood’s 1993 book Other Altars (Lockwood, in describing their findings, fails to mention that he was editor of Beyond Survival, as stated in a 1989 Los Angeles Times article). Within two years of Ray and Reagor’s theory being mentioned in Lockwood’s book, the first Monarch Project survivor came forward. Cathy O’Brien asserted that in the ’50s her father and uncle, members of the clergy, several Nashville entertainers, and an array of famous politicians used trauma-based mind control methods to turn her into a sex slave and drug courier.
Ray and Reagor’s notion of complex mind control programming rapidly made its way into the cult survivor community, made up of people who “recovered” memories of Satanic ritual abuse (SRA) in therapy. In 1992, addictions counselor Daniel Ryder related information from Colorado therapist Holly Hector: “Survivor reports indicate victims are often programmed to come back later in life to the original cult, or to get involved with another.” (5)
The notion of implanted DID developed concurrently with the idea that Satanists and other “ritual abusers” could program children to do just about anything: obey the cult without question, keep secrets, assassinate enemies, self-harm, even commit suicide. In the September/October 1991 issue of The California Therapist, an article on this alleged phenomenon by therapists David W. Neswald, Catherine Gould, and Vicki Graham-Costain asserted that programmers could manipulate alters to such a degree that they could even command a person with DID to switch alters three or four times in the course of uttering a single sentence. Such programming had been observed in many Satanic ritual abuse patients, they stated.
Inheriting Illuminati Skills
Springmeier, in The Illuminati Formula, contends that the ability to dissociate is hereditary. Illuminati families cultivated it through the study of Eastern religious disciplines that involve “miraculous” feats (Yoga, Tantra, etc.), then passed those skills on genetically. By the time a child is roughly a year and a half old, the Illuminati can tell if the “dissociation gene” is present, and the kids who have it are selected for “trauma-based mind control” programming. This idea, silly as it is, was already deeply entrenched in the SRA survivor community:
“Within the context of most transgenerational cult beliefs, blood lineage is extremely important. Because cult members believe that, as power is acquired through practicing the rituals, the most effective way to pass it on is literally through the family blood. Again, satanists believe power is stored in the blood.”- Daniel Ryder, Breaking the Circle of Ritual Abuse (1992)
The reasoning here is that if you take a fakir’s kid at birth and put him in a Western environment where there are no beds made out of nails for him to sleep on, he’ll still naturally possess the ability to sleep on a bed of nails, because the ability to dissociate is hereditary. This is bullshit, of course. Lamarckian nonsense aside, there is no evidence of a hereditary factor in dissociative disorders like DID. And Eastern “magic” is usually attained by clever tricks, learned consciously or unconsciously through training. Nearly anyone can learn to firewalk or sleep on nails. Dissociation has nothing to do with it.

Well into the ’60s, a handful of researchers remained highly hopeful that there was some genetic or cellular component to memory. James V. McConnell, a biologist later targeted by the Unabomber, conducted well-publicized experiments involving flatworms in an attempt to learn if memory could be chemically “stored” by RNA, research that Dr. Ewen Cameron of MK-ULTRA infamy found intriguing. Just like Cameron’s “psychic driving”, the RNA memory hypothesis went exactly nowhere. The possibility remains that RNA plays a role in memory storage and retrieval, but the idea that you can pass on your learned skills to your children genetically is null and void.

The Monarch Project

There is no concrete evidence that the Monarch Project ever existed. In fact, CIA researcher H.P. Albarelli, Jr., spent nearly two decades investigating the Agency’s secret mind control programs, and found no indication of Monarch or any comparable program. He did, however, find the man who first wrote about the project, and this man allegedly admitted to Albarelli that Monarch was something he invented (this could possibly be Mark Philips, the deprogrammer/husband of the very first Monarch Project survivor to come forward, Cathy O’Brien). Albarelli’s comment explaining this has been removed from the truthout.org article on which it appeared, but many bloggers reproduced it at the time (see, for instance, DFQ2’s post on the subject).

Mengele in America

The Mengele-as-programmer thing makes very little sense. For one thing, Mengele was a geneticist. He had no known interest in psychology. He did not perform psychological experiments while at Auschwitz; he was far too busy with his crude, sadistic, quasi-medical experiments.
Incidentally, Springmeier’s assertion that Mengele had a sadistic mother isn’t accurate. Walburga Mengele was known to be extremely strict with her children, but it has never been alleged that she was in any way abusive, much less a sadist.
For another thing, Mengele was not one of the scientists brought to the U.S. during Project Paperclip. It should be quite obvious why he wasn’t selected, too: His “medical research” yielded absolutely no useful results. The Allied nations wanted German scientists who could give them a competitive edge in the military-industrial sphere, not just lunatics with scalpels.
After the war, Mengele was left to fend for himself, more or less. He fled to South America on a and ended his days as a farm labourer in Brazil.

He was first mentioned in the context of mind control during the Presidential Commission on Radiation hearings in 1995, when a woman named Chris Denicola Ebner testified that Mengele (“Dr. Greene”) and her father, Richard Ebner, subjected her to mind control between 1966 and 1976, inducing DID and training at least one of her alters to be an assassin. She “recovered” her memories of these events in the early ’90s, with the aid of therapist Valerie Wolf.
Chris’s programming took place in Kansas and Arizona. She described Mengele/Greene keeping her in a cage in his office for a four-year period. Interestingly, she also mentioned China Lake Naval Base.
The notion that mind control researchers were among the Paperclip scientists seems to have originated in a lecture given by D. Corydon Hammond at the Fourth Annual Eastern Regional Conference on Abuse and Multiple Personality on June 25, 1992. The title of Dr. Hammond’s presentation was “Hypnosis in MPD: Ritual Abuse,” but it’s commonly known as the “Greenbaum Speech”, and has been widely reproduced. In it, Hammond declared that up to two-thirds of DID patients with a history of intergenerational ritual abuse may have been subjected to the kind of mind control programming discussed in this post, perpetrated by Nazi Paperclip scientists who worshiped Satan. He said numerous DID patients had recovered memories of a German scientist who went by the name of Greenbaum or some variation (Green, Greene, etc.)
Since this Green/Greene/Greenbaum person was never actually identified by Hammond, mind control victims were left to fill in the blank. Many of them chose Mengele as their abuser, even though Hammond described Greenbaum as having a Hasidic Jewish background (Mengele was Catholic).

It’s quite interesting that Lauren Stratford, after jumping from Satanic ritual abuse to Nazi concentration camp abuse, also chose Mengele as her fictional abuser. His notoriety as a sadistic killer of young children strongly attracts people who believe (usually based on recovered memories) that they were sadistically abused as children by authoritarian, amoral types. It seems they empathize so strongly with Mengele’s real victims that they decide, consciously or unconsciously, to become one of them. Another example: Some of the parishioners of Doug Riggs’s Morningstar Church in Oklahoma, in the course of pastoral counseling, recovered memories of being raised by powerful Illuminati families in Europe. One of these parishioners, Kim Campbell, came to believe he was an illegitimate child of one Edouard Philippe de Rothschild (there is no such person), and that he was subjected not only to incest and Satanic ritual abuse but to “medically-based mind control programming” at U.S. government facilities, clinics, and the UK’s Tavistock Institute.
Edouard, like all good Satanic Illuminati parents, trained his son to pose as a Christian and infiltrate Protestant churches. Herr Mengele oversaw Kim’s training. Just why a Jewish Frenchman and a Catholic Nazi would get together and groom a child to infiltrate American Protestant churches has not been adequately explained, but Pastor Riggs remains firmly convinced that he has uncovered the most sinister plot in the history of humankind.

But why?

Asked why the Illuminati use mind control on their children, Cisco gave a bewildering answer to Wayne Morris:

The sole purpose – at the deepest layer of the system – lies mothers. They are the foundation. You have three mothers who are on a pedestal – their sole purpose is to rule and reign with the antichrist as his queen when he takes his throne. As god has a bride, so lucifer has a bride, and that bride is the mothers of darkness. That is the bottom line.” (1)

Three mothers of darkness forming the foundation of an ungodly empire? That sounds strangely familiar

Why We Probably Should Not Take Wheeler’s Story at Face Value
1. No documentary evidence. Few sources are provided for the information in The Illuminati Formula. Springmeier and Wheeler don’t even use their real names. We don’t know anything about Wheeler’s background aside from what she tells us, so you have to take her word. Springmeier’s Illuminati research consists of hearsay and supposition, as a perusal of his book The 13 Bloodlines of the Illuminati will show you (the latest edition is currently being hawked heavily by Alex Jones). The Monarch Project material is backed up only by the stories of other Monarch survivors, who offer up the same amount of verifiable evidence as Cisco. In other words, none at all.
2. Internal contradictions. Springmeier informs us that the CIA was started by the Illuminati. If this is so, and the Illuminati possessed the incredible mind-control knowledge Cisco and Springmeier describe as early as the late 1940s, then there would have been absolutely no reason for the CIA to fund and conduct its clumsy, largely unproductive MK-ULTRA experiments in the ’50s and ’60s. Why horse around with psychic driving and LSD when you already have the means of perfect behaviour control at your disposal?
3. Historical contradictions. General Earle Wheeler apparently did not have a nephew, so it would have been quite difficult for him to have a great-niece (Cisco) by that nephew. Joseph Mengele did not live in the U.S. He resided and died in South America.
4. Contradictions by other Illuminati escapees. The other Illuminati members in this series (John Todd, Doc Marquis, Bill Schnoebelen) said nothing about mind control programming of children, or presidential sex slaves. All that stuff emerged later, with the stories of Cathy O’Brien, Brice Taylor, and the other Monarch Project women.
The Illuminati described by Cisco is much different from the one described by Todd, Marquis, et. al. For instance, she claims its members worship Satan, while Marquis insisted they worship Lucifer and disdain Satan.
5. Springmeier’s involvement. When it comes to convicted bank robbers who hang with white supremacists, reliability is always an issue. In The Illuminati Formula, Springmeier gives the impression that he is barely more than an amanuensis for Illuminati survivors, but the possibility exists that this self-appointed minister latched on to an attractive, emotionally vulnerable woman and used her as supporting evidence for his theories about who runs the world and how they do it. Springmeier’s self-published works contain more bullshit than Pamplona in July. Just one example: In The Illuminati Formula, he states that Illuminati member Sharon Tate was killed for betraying Moriah, and that her killers signified this by leaving her in the same position as the hangman in the Tarot deck. Well, not quite. Tate was not actually hanging at all when she was found dead in her home; she was sprawled on the floor. A noose had been looped around her neck, and the rope thrown over a ceiling beam to hoist her up slightly before she was stabbed. Note that the Tarot hangman is always depicted as hanging by one ankle. Tate and her friends were terrorized and slaughtered by demented hippies, not the Illuminati.
6. A typical ex-Satanist narrative. Cisco’s story fits the pattern set by “black witch” Doreen Irvine back in the ’70s. An innocent is lured (or, in Cisco’s case, born) into the occult, escapes after a miraculous religious conversion, and goes on to educate others about the threats posed to all mankind by the occult underworld. The only thing missing is supernatural events or paranormal abilities, which proliferate in most of the stories we’ve seen so far. In the Monarch Project stories, the supernatural has been replaced with technology so advanced that it has the appearance of being paranormal in nature.
Sources:

1. Undated transcript of interview with Cisco Wheeler by Wayne Morris of CKLN 88.1 FM (Toronto)
2. Sergeant Smack: The Legendary Lives and Times of Ike Atkinson, Kingpin, and His Band of Brothers by Ron Chepesiuk. For the short version of how the Cadaver Connection didn’t exist, see Chepesiuk’s article “One Journalist’s Experience With the Media Elite: Gangsters, Cadavers and Misinformation” @ globalpolitician.com
3. The Illuminati Formula Used to Create an Undetectable Total Mind Controlled Slave by Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler (1996)
4. Other Altars: Roots and Realities of Cultic and Satanic Ritual Abuse and Multiple Personality Disorder by Craig Lockwood (Compcare Publications, 1993)
5. Breaking the Circle of Ritual Abuse: Recognizing and Recovering from the Hidden Trauma by Daniel Ryder (Compcare Publications, 1992)

The Prodigal Witch XII: Doc Marquis

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Doc Marquis lecturing for The Prophecy Club, c. 1997

In the mid ’80s, an Illuminati defector and former devil worshiper known as Joseph “Doc” Marquis slipped into the niche vacated by John Todd, who was serving time for a rape conviction. Marquis started out as a virtual John Todd clone, but proved to be far more resilient than his predecessor. For the past two decades, Marquis has deftly surfed the waves of Christian conspiracy culture.

An unassuming, clean-cut guy with a slight speech impediment, Marquis speaks calmly and softly, eschewing the brimstone theatrics and stand-up schtick that many ex-Satanists use to spice up their acts.
But his claims are transparently absurd, tailored for the same crowd that insists John Todd was framed by Illuminati overlords. In fact, Marquis was a supporter of Todd’s work and discredited himself early on by parroting Todd’s nonsense. Then he made things even worse for himself by declaring that Mike Warnke, Rebecca Brown, Elaine Moses and Lauren Stratford had been Illuminati members, too. As we have seen, all these people crafted alternate histories for themselves in the ’70s and ’80s. (1)

There’s some question as to whether Marquis can really call himself a former Satanist, since he has stated the Illuminati believes in Lucifer, not Satan, and holds Satanists in disdain (if this makes any sense, let me know). His real cachet is as a former Illuminati member. (2)

Marquis’s first notable appearance was on the June 24, 1987 broadcast of Oprah. Though he began speaking publicly about his past sometime in the early ’80s, this was his first major gig. The show dealt with Wicca, and Marquis (as a “former Illuminati member”) was a naysayer, brought on to warn of the hazards of witchcraft alongside evangelist/exorcist Bob Larson. For the record, Oprah was open to everything Marquis had to say and at times chided other guests for questioning his more absurd statements about human sacrifice. After describing a previous guest who supposedly suffered Satanic ritual abuse, she said, “Just because… nobody found the bodies and nobody called in to a newspaper and said human sacrifices are going on, doesn’t mean that it does not exist.” (2)

If she had known more about his background, she might not have been so open. Prior to Oprah, Marquis was a supporter of The Family International and gave lectures at the church’s Friendswood Home in Houston. (3)
The Family was once known as The Children of God, and under the leadership of the crazed pedophile David “Moses” Berg, its members were urged to become prostitutes and molest children. As an adult, Berg’s son Ricky was still so severely traumatized by his molestation that he murdered one of the women who abused him, then killed himself.
The Family has tried very hard to shake its horrific past and move on, but COG’s international legacy of child abuse and cult manipulation won’t be forgotten anytime soon.

It was probably the Oprah appearance that gave Marquis just enough temporary street cred to be invited on Geraldo Rivera’s May 1989 show about the Matamoros killings, as a “former Satanic high priest”. Though the Matamoros drug murders involved a cultish cartel that practiced a bizarre form of ritual sacrifice (mostly on enemies, but sometimes on random strangers), they had nothing to do with Satanism and even less to do with the Illuminati. Marquis also boasts of appearing or acting as a consultant for Unsolved Mysteries, Hard Copy, and Talk of the Town, but I can’t confirm any of that. (1)

Around 1997 Marquis gave two epic lectures to the Prophecy Club, the same fundamentalist/conspiracy outfit that hosted Satanic Illuminati vampire Bill Schnoebelen.
He was introduced as a seventh-generation (reformed) witch raised in an Illuminati family. In one talk, titled “America’s Occult Holidays”, Marquis wasn’t content to slam Halloween. He also tried to convince his Christian audience to stop celebrating Christmas, Easter, and Valentine’s Day in traditional ways, because it’s all Pagan-Satanic worship. (4)

These days, Marquis lingers on the conspiranoid fringe where he belongs. His videos and books are available online, and he was a presenter at this year’s Conspiracy Con, but I doubt there will be any more mainstream TV appearances.

John Todd Redux

Marquis claims he was a member of the U.S. branch of the Illuminati from a young age, but he can’t seem to decide what that age was. On Oprah, he said he was 5 years old when someone sent a demon to control him. (2)  In his Prophecy Club talks a decade later, he was 3 years old when it all began. (4)  At any rate, his tender age handily absolves him of all personal responsibility for the atrocities he attributes to the group, placing him in the same redeemed-victim category as John Todd (who was an Illuminati member from birth).
The Illuminati Marquis describes is identical in most respects to John Todd’s, being comprised of powerful “witches” who worship Satan, practice human sacrifice, and control basically everything. The Rothschild family is at the head of the Illuminati, just as John Todd said. In fact, It was Mayer Rothschild who gave the Illuminati its seed money, back in 1776. He formed a governing “apostleship” made up of twelve financiers.
It is incredibly unlikely that Rothschild had anything to do with the founding of Adam Weishaupt’s Bavarian Illuminati in 1776. At that time he was a coin dealer living in the Jewish ghetto of Frankfurt, prominent in his field but virtually unknown outside of it. He would not enter the banking world in a big way until nearly a decade later. The Bavarian Illuminati was comprised mainly of academics – and in keeping with the spirit of the order and the prejudices of the times, there was not a single banker or Jew among its ranks.

Born in 1956, Joseph was apparently not raised by his birth parents. It was a “foster aunt” who dedicated him to the Illuminati when he was just 3 or 5 years old. Presumably, it was she who sent a demon to him. His parents were kept out of the loop, and raised Joseph as a devout Catholic in Massachusetts. On Oprah, he said he even taught Sunday School, which (as fellow guest Whitley Strieber pointed out) would be odd – Catholic churches don’t usually have Sunday school.

Marquis explained that his training began with earth religion (witchcraft). “Eventually, as I got to the higher levels, your philosophy is changed. You are now told what’s really going on.” (2)
He must have moved up to the higher levels of witchcraft very quickly, because in later accounts he says he was just 10 years old when he began attending an occult training academy known as the Outer Court, just like John Todd. There he learned the rudiments of human sacrifice, alchemy, and other dark arts.
Like everyone else in this series, Marquis views any form of occultism as devotion to Lucifer. Earth religion and Satanism and the Illuminati are all jumbled together into one huge, amorphous lump of evil. He claims that all Wiccans of “higher levels” knowingly worship the Devil, and you can’t be in the Illuminati without pledging allegiance to Lucifer.

Artist’s rendition of Doc Marquis’s school
At 13 he was made a high priest of a Satanic Illuminati witch coven, just like John Todd. His initiation ceremony required him to slice his arm with an athame and sign The Book of the Dead in his own blood. This is what UK “black witches” Doreen Irvine and Audrey Harper supposedly had to do in the ’60s, too, but they merely signed parchment. As we have seen, none of these worldwide Satanic cults use the same rituals, scriptures, or initiation rites. They can control the entire pop music industry, ritually slaughter hundreds of thousands of people every year without leaving a speck of evidence, and manipulate the whole geopolitical scene – but they just can’t agree on a standard mode of worship. As Marquis and Irvine describe their cults, they operated like a Catholic church on Opposite Day: If a priest wears white, we’ll wear black; if Catholics drink wine and pretend it’s blood, we’ll drink blood and pretend it’s wine, etc. As you probably know, real Satanism is not merely an inversion of Christianity.

Marquis stated that Illuminists and all witches, in addition to worshiping Lucifer, pay homage to the Assyrian goddess Semiramis and the “god” Nimrod. I’m sure real witches would heartily disagree, but that doesn’t stop David Icke and other professional conspiranoids from saying it continuously. Icke even insists the Statue of Liberty is an Illuminist representation of Semiramis (see page 8 of his Alice in Wonderland and the World Trade Center Disaster).
Nimrod is not exactly a god. He’s an unruly descendant of Biblical patriarchs (Abraham, Noah) who supposedly reigned over various Mesopotamian cities. He may have been revered as a king of sorts, but the evidence for a cult of Nimrod is thin. It is mostly conspiracists like Alexander Hislop and Icke who conflate Nimrod with other deities and insist he was a consort of Semiramis, something mentioned only briefly by Josephus. This strain of thought seems to have begun with Hislop’s 1853 tract The Two Babylons, or the Papal Worship Proved to be the Worship of Nimrod and His Wife.
So this leaves only two possibilities: Either Marquis is lying about the Illuminati worshiping Nimrod and Semiramis, or the truth was found out by a cranky anti-Catholic dude who never left his native Scotland.
At any rate, Marquis doesn’t go into much detail about Semiramis and Nimrod worship, which is quite typical of ex-Satanists and former Illuminati members.

At age 17, Marquis surpassed even Todd by becoming a “Master Witch” (a title Todd never mentioned). He ultimately attained the rank of Third Degree Master Witch, whatever that means. His superiors put him in charge of all the witches in three communities: Methuen and Lawrence in Massachusetts and Salem in New Hampshire.
After his formal witchcraft training was over he was ordered by his Illuminati superiors to join the Army as a medic, earning the nickname “Doc.” This is a bit odd; Todd claimed Illuminati witches are exempt from military service. Marquis says he was part of the Illuminati plan to infiltrate every military base on the planet and recruit military brass (in the ’80s, Christian conspiranoids were irate about Satanists being in the armed forces, with full Constitutional protection for their religious practices).

Marquis couldn’t be bothered to come up with his own cast list for his Illuminati drama, so he just used Todd’s: Prominent Wiccans Gavin and Yvonne Frost, Laurie Cabot and Raymond Buckland, plus Jimmy Carter’s sister Ruth Carter Stapleton. Todd mistakenly claimed that Buckland had been an anthropology professor at Columbia, but Marquis moved him over to Harvard.
Later on, he added Sharon Tate, Charles Manson, and alien abductee Whitley Strieber to the Illuminati ranks. The Tate murders occurred, he said, because Sharon Tate expressed her intent to defect from the Illuminati. This is probably derived from a claim made by Wiccan Alex Sanders that he initiated Tate in the ’60s, which has never been proven and was most likely (IMO) a publicity gimmick.
Strieber earned Marquis’s wrath by disputing his weird misinformation on Oprah (Strieber, though best-known as an alien abductee, appeared on the show only to discuss his novel Catmagic, which borrowed some ideas from Wicca).

One key difference between Todd’s stories and Marquis’s is that the latter’s Illuminati Satanists congregate on a regular basis (Todd said they don’t meet up at all, ever). According to Marquis, the Illuminati branches, and all the groups they control, perform human ritual sacrifices eight times per year. Marquis witnessed at least 100 human sacrifices during his time in the Illuminati. He talked about this on Oprah, explaining that the bodies of victims were left on roadsides or in wooded areas so that they would appear to be ordinary homicide victims. (2)

But the primary activity of the Illuminati is, of course, establishing a New World Order. In a hilarious illustration, Marquis identifies the elements of this hideous master plan to enslave mankind. They include Dungeons & Dragons, rock music, and “Sabbaths” (I think he means sabbats). All of the other ex-witches in this series warned about the evils of D&D, and Bill Schnoebelen even declared the game contained “real” spells that he gave to Gary Gygax in the late ’70s (after the game was already created), but I believe Doc Marquis is the only former Satanist to actually elevate D&D to a central plank in the NWO agenda.

New Word Order enforcer Elfwood Dragonflail with his weapon of choice.


Conversion and Anti-occult Crusade

Like Mike Warnke, Marquis credits Christians in the military with saving his soul. After three years in the service, he realized his way of life was spiritually bankrupt, walked into a church, and was saved on April 15, 1970. So the Illuminati issued a half-million dollar contract on his life. Marquis claims that there have been eight attempts on his life. Never mind that he was making public appearances throughout the ’80s and early ’90s. The Illuminati can control the world, but it can’t figure out how to assassinate one unarmed dude at a podium. I guess this means the Nation of Islam is better-organized than the Illuminati, which also failed to kill John Todd (who died of natural causes in a mental institution) and Mike Warnke (who’s still alive).  (4)

To fight the creeping menace of occultism, Marquis established the now-defunct National Occult Liberation Outreach Center and later an anti-occult ministry called Christians Exposing the Occult (also defunct). Since the early ’90s he has published numerous books and tracts, notably several volumes of the “American Focus on Satanic Crime” series, written with Alan H. Peterson. He now heads Creation Message Ministries with Cory Black, gives interviews to internet radio shows (mainly conspiracy-themed ones), and appears at conspiracy conventions such as Conspiracy Con and Future Congress.

Just a few of the ridiculous statements made by Marquis:
– In 1990, there were up to 3 million witches in New England. (1)
– Freemasons are an integral part of the Illuminati, just as John Todd said, and are working to install a Masonic Antichrist.
Kabbala is a “very Satanic counterfeit to the Torah and other Old Testament books of the Bible.”
– Every “occult” organization, from Theosophy to Wicca, takes its orders from the Illuminati. And every single one must commit ritual human sacrifices eight times per year (on Oprah, he said only four of eight). The number of victims would be staggering. Marquis claims law enforcement and judicial authorities allied with the Illuminati help cover up these crimes – but if his numbers are accurate, there simply wouldn’t be enough authorities to cover up so many murders. (4)
– Certain “Witch queens” as young as 13 are so powerful they are given control of entire states. An identical claim was made by John Todd, who said his sister was in charge of the state of Ohio at age 13. (1)
– They use astrology to figure out when Easter is going to be every year. (4)
– Satanists are active in the “white slavery” and drug trades. As with all his other claims, Marquis offers no examples and no evidence. (1)
Aleister Crowley was a Freemason, more evidence that Masonry and Satanist are intertwined. Bill Schnoebelen said this in a Prophecy Club lecture, too. It’s not strictly true. Crowley was into esoteric Freemasonry and claimed many degrees, but is not considered a bonafide Mason. (4)
– On Halloween, Druids painted pentagrams-within-circles in human blood on the doors of people who refused to offer up human sacrifices. The victims were herded to Stonehenge and ordered to stick their heads into a cauldron of boiling water. Only those who dared to do it were spared sacrifice, but of course they were left horribly burned. This is the tradition of bobbing for apples began. I would love to see his sources for this, because the first known mention of apple-bobbing dates to the eighteenth century. There is no indication that Druids did any such thing.  (4)
– The First Amendment is too lenient; neo-Pagan groups should not have tax-exempt status, and their members should not have the same Constitutional protection as Christians. (4)

You’ll burn your face off, kid.

Like most former Satanists, Marquis spent a great deal of time attempting to explain the occult symbolism of such things as the 1992 Olympic cauldron (it was red because Rothschild means “red shield”), Christmas wreaths (Pagan-Satanic vaginas), and the dollar bill (hexagrams and pentacles).

Quit staring at it, you perv.

To give Marquis a small amount of credit, he didn’t try to convince anyone that Lovecraft’s Necronomicon is the central scripture of Satanism, or that soap operas are full of devil-worshiping gay men, as John Todd did.

Marquis also offered his services as an “occult crime expert” to law enforcement agencies, training officers how to investigate occult-related crimes or acting as a consultant. I don’t know if any agencies hired him, but Marquis did obtain a letter of recommendation from Chief Norman Connors of the Allenstown, Pennsylvania police. Apparently at Marquis’s request, Connors conducted an “extensive background” check on Marquis and found no evidence of illegal activity. This may have been good for his career as an occult crime consultant, but it certainly doesn’t say much for his reputation as a badass Illuminati Satanist that police couldn’t find a speck of criminal conduct in his background. (1)

Marquis drew in a few supporters, such as the late Ted Gunderson, Karen Kintella, (director of a Houston-based ritual abuse group called Valuable Information For Cult Traumatized Individuals And MPD Survivors, or VICTIMS), The Family International, Ken Adachi, and Pam Schuffert.

In 1999, Marquis published his autobiography, Memoirs of a Former Illuminati Witch (American Focus Publishing).
He had learned a valuable lesson from the ex-Satanists who preceded him. He knew their testimonies were discredited largely because they could not (or would not) provide any verifiable information. He neatly skirted this problem by admitting, straight up, that he had absolutely no intention of giving us any evidence to support his stories. His memoir would be Christian testimony, and nothing else. Essentially, he said, “I’m not going to back up anything I have to say. Deal with it.” He even admitted he was protecting the guilty, in order to prevent a Christian witch hunt. It seems his readiness to name names earlier in his career as an ex-witch hadn’t paid off; it’s much safer to offer up stories that are 100% free of falsifiable details. This will immediately get rid of any pesky nonbelievers who insist on stupid things like “facts” and “evidence”, and ensure that the people who continue to support you will be the most gullible, malleable followers available.

Marquis still talks a lot about occult symbols hidden in plain sight, the Illuminati’s New World Order plans, and Jesus. But his newest thing is predictions, or prophecies, involving conspiracies. He has ramped up the fear factor considerably. He says American concentration camps are being prepared for U.S. Christians, and claims to have been given a tour of one “death camp” in the Mojave desert. “As a former high level Illuminati planner for the New World Order, I was brought to the site of the future FEMA death camp in the Mojave. I knew exactly what it would be used for: the termination of Christian resisters of our ‘PLAN’ to seize this nation under martial law for our New World Order. My reaction when I stood within it’s deadly confines when a Satanist? Sheer joy! I rejoiced over the thought of Christians being terminated in this place.” That’s interesting. FEMA didn’t become active until after April 4, 1979 – about ten days before Doc left the Illuminati.
In May, on Stanley Monteith‘s radio show, he predicted that Obama may be assassinated by a Jewish person in 2012, and this would trigger an Islamic jihad against Israel because Obama is a closet Muslim. Boom, WWIII.

On August 20th, Marquis was a guest on Daniel Ott’s online radio show The Edge. A bio posted on the show’s website states Marquis trains mental health workers, FBI agents, and state and local police in recognizing and dealing with Satanic ritual abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder and “programming/brainwashing” (he has no formal training in psychology). I can find no evidence that Marquis has given presentations to law enforcement or mental health professionals.

Marquis gave two presentations at this year’s Future Congress in July, and both consisted of very tired material. One was about the occult symbolism hidden in the D.C. street plan, U.S. dollar bills, and the Great Seal of the United States. Yawn. In the other presentation, he examined the illustrations used in the Illuminati card game to “prove how they planned Y2K, 9/11, the British Petroleum oil spill of 2010, the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant disaster of 2011, and other significant events years in advance”.

I’m not even going to waste time explaining why Marquis’s stories probably aren’t true. Everything he says is recycled conspiranoid drivel. If he wants the world to take him seriously as a Luciferian Illuminati witch, he can start by coming up with one infinitesimal speck of fresh information.

Sources:

1. Article on Joseph “Doc” Marquis by Kerr Cuhulain @ Witchvox
2. Unofficial transcript of Oprah June 24, 1987 broadcast
3. Xfamily.org entry for John Todd (Xfamily.org is run by former members of the Children of God/The Family International)
4.“America’s Occult Holidays” Prophecy Club presentation by Doc Marquis (c. 1997)

The Prodigal Witch Part VII: Bill Schnoebelen

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So far, most of the ex-witches and former Satanists in this series have either faded into obscurity or died. This is not the case with Bill Schnoebelen. He was one of the very first “Ex-Men” to dominate the Christian conspiracy lecture circuit, beginning in 1984, and he is still with us. He might be with us for a long time to come, too, because he has an uncanny knack for tapping into the conspiranoid zeitgeist, claiming to possess inside info on every new menace that looms up to imperil Western civilization (I call this Forest Gump Syndrome).

Schnoebelen claims to have been, at various times between 1968 and the present:

  • a Wiccan
  • a “high Druidic” priest
  • an Ordo Templi Orientis initiate (2nd degree)
  • a channeler
  • a Satanist
  • a member of the Illuminati
  • a Mormon
  • a Catholic priest
  • a 90th Degree Freemason
  • a 9th Degree Rosicrucian
  • a Knight Templar
  • a Gnostic bishop
  • a spiritualist priest
  • a vampire
  • a naturopathic physician
  • a member of Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s Church Universal and Triumphant
  • a fundamentalist Christian/ordained minister

Nowadays, he’s also a self-declared expert on natural healing and the “medical conspiracy”. I’m guessing he’s one of those people who takes forever deciding in a restaurant.

He worshipped everything but this.

There is evidence that Bill Schnoebelen actually did do many of the things he talks about. But like John Todd, he smeared Mormons, Freemasons, and many other groups as closet Satanists, and made some claims that are profoundly absurd.

The Road to Everything

Schnoebelen was born into a devoutly Roman Catholic family in 1949, the only child of a tire shop co-owner and a housewife. He was raised in Jessup, Iowa. (3)
Bill says he was a faithful Catholic throughout his young adulthood, and even aspired to the priesthood, but was always prone to the dark and mysterious forces of the world. Trick-or-treating at the age of 8 or 9, he saw leathery, bat-like creatures filling the night sky. At 12, near his family’s lake cottage in Rhinelander, Wisconsin, he saw a gigantic black figure rise up from the horizon to “bestride the heavens”. It walked over him and vanished beyond a hillock. He believes this was a Wendigo. He also had more typical childhood fascinations like UFOs and haunted houses, but someday he would consider these further manifestations of evil in his life. (2)

After high school, Bill still intended to become a priest. First, though, he enrolled at a small Catholic school called Loras College, in Dubuque, Iowa. It was here, in that crazy year of 1968, that a few New Agey professors and the counter-fundamentalist influence of Vatican II persuaded Bill that man can become Christ. Christ, his liberal teachers taught him, was basically a magician or ascended master who had studied the occult. So, Bill began studying the occult to become more Christ-like. This was his first step into a revolving door of religious traditions that would keep him walking in circles for over 15 years. (1)

Step 1: Witch

After some occult study, Bill decided to become a witch. He wrote to Alex Sanders, the self-proclaimed “King of the Witches”, who referred him to a Massachusetts-based coven. Bill ultimately reached the third degree of Alexandrian Wicca. Note, please, that his initiation didn’t involve roosters or blood like the bizarre rites supposedly experienced by Doreen Irvine and Mike Warnke. Note also that Schnoebolen has not mentioned any Satanic scripture, like most of the “former witches” we’ve seen so far.

Bill graduated from Loras College in May 1971 with a major in music and a minor in education. (He claims he received his Masters in Theological Studies degree from the St. Francis School of Pastoral Ministry in 1980 and his Master of Arts degree in counseling from Liberty University in 1990.)
He says he took a leave of absence of absence from seminary in the early ’70s. He taught music at a Catholic school for a couple of years, and met his future wife while volunteering as a counselor at a drug rehab clinic. Sharon Mullen, apparently one of the clinic’s patients, was a married mother of two. Like Bill, she was deeply into witchcraft and the occult. Around 1973 she left her husband and kids to be with him. (3)
That summer, the couple traveled to Hattieville, Arkansas, to study under the “Grand Master Druid of all North America”. Bill doesn’t name this fellow, but he was Barney “Eli” Taylor. (3) Taylor ran something called the Mental Science Institute and taught herbal magic in the druidic witchcraft tradition. He made Sharon and Bill a high priestess and high priest, which basically means he issued them a certificate similar to the ones dispensed to John Todd and Tom Sanguinet by Gavin Frost in the ’70s. It is incredibly unlikely that Bill and Sharon “learned all the mysteries of hermeticism and metal magic and natural medicine and more” in three months, as he claims. (1) Occult study is not a cram course.
They also saw hovering UFOs every single night, as they studied under the stars. Schnoebelen later contradicted this claim by saying he has seen UFOs about three times in his life. (2)

Bill and Sharon returned to the Midwest to “spread the gospel of witchcraft” (something witches generally don’t do). They had a handfasting ceremony in Zion, Illinois, supposedly attended by 200 witches. (1)
They settled in Milwaukee to teach witchcraft and establish covens. Bill claims they drew in hundreds of eager followers, but one of those followers, Frater Barrabbas Tiresius, begs to differ. He claims the Schnoebelens founded just two covens in Milwaukee, containing 30-40 members. By this time, Bill had legally changed his named to Christopher Pendragon Syn, and Sharon called herself Alexandra. They both appeared to possess a great deal of occult knowledge, and at first the covens operated smoothly. According to Frater Barrabbas, things turned sour when Bill and Sharon formed complex romantic entanglements with their followers and began playing them against each other. He attributes the mental collapse of one of Bill’s lovers to these cruel mind games. (3)

Step 2: Warlock, Mason, and Illuminati Member

As a result of his occult studies, Bill was a spiritualist priest and a trance channeler. He often consulted numerous spirit guides, the highest of which Frater Barabbas identifies as Ambrosius and Parlemanon. (3) Bill read Anton LeVey’s Satanic Bible at the suggestion of one of these spirit guides, and promptly joined the Church of Satan. He reached the second degree, “Warlock”, before realizing that LeVey’s brand of Satanism was harmless “kid stuff”. He aspired to what he calls “hardcore Satanism”, and to enter that realm he had to become a Freemason. (1) (The supposed connection between Satanism and Freemasonry was also trumpeted by John Todd in the mid-’80s.)
Frater Barrabbas says it was his father who sponsored Bill into Freemasonry. After Bill reached the third degree, his interest waned and he stopped participating on a regular basis.

Bill then branched out into esoteric Freemasonry. He claims he reached the thirty-second degree of Scottish Rite Freemasonry, as well, and in his lectures displayed the certificate issued to him. He says he also became a Rosicrucian (9th Degree) and a Knight Templar. (1)
Schnoebelen offers up a wealth of misinformation about Freemasonry and the Knights Templar. For instance, in his Prophecy Club lecture (c. 1996), he declared that Freemasonry is “basically Babylonian witchcraft” and is anti-Christian. He said Jacques de Molay was a pedophile (de Molay confessed under torture to homosexual acts; it’s not known if he was really gay or not, much less a pedophile). He also talked about Jesuit mind control, claiming that Ignatius Loyola’s Spiritual Exercises are “profoundly occult” in nature, and formed the basis of Illuminati mind control techniques. This is absurd. Loyola recommended meditation and daily prayer to achieve deeper devotion to God and indifference to the material world. If that’s occultism, then virtually all priestly and monastic disciplines are occult.

Here’s where Bill’s story goes seriously off the rails. So far, none of his claims are particularly outlandish. But after he had covered “all the branches of Masonry there are to do”, he signed his soul over to Satan in a Black Book (in blood, of course). The contract entitled him to seven years of anything he wanted, at the end of which he would be killed and taken to Hell. This wasn’t such a bad thing, he explains, because hardcore Satanists view Hell as a sort of eternal party. (1)
This nonsense comes straight out of medieval folklore and has no basis in actuality, of course. You cannot sign a pact with Satan any more than you can sign a pact with God, or an angel, or the evil monkey who lives in your closet. Ask yourself, why did Schnoebolen admittedly work at a series of menial jobs throughout these years, if Satan had granted him anything he desired?

The silliness hits a new high with Bill’s claim that he was recruited into the Illuminati when fellow Freemasons noticed he had an occult background. This is contradicted by Frater Barrabbas, who says the Masons were unaware of Bill’s occult interests. (3)
Bill implies that his entry into the Illuminati wasn’t assured, that he slipped in via some arcane loophole. Spirit guides provided him with the appropriate “secret passwords”.
He describes three steps that each Illuminati Mason must go through, in addition to learning the arts of tantric sex and opening the third eye with hallucinogens. The first step is illumination. Bill described this as being “deluged in the blinding white light of Lucifer. It felt like my brain was being parboiled in pure light.” Step two is communion with the dead, something he had already mastered as a trance medium. Bill claims he had long chats with Jesus, Buddha, Zoraster, Hitler, Aleister Crowley, and others.
Step three is sex with a fallen angel, an “appalling and bizarre” process. Bill was formally married to his angel, a ceremony we’ll see again in the case of Dr. Rebecca Brown and the “former Satanist” known as Elaine. Apparently this is not considered bigamy, as Bill was already married to Sharon when he became an Illuminati member.
To accept this nonsense, one must accept that Richard Nixon and other high-level politicians did these things, too, because Bill informs us that many of the world’s elite were fellow Illuminists.

Step 3: Priest

Wait, it gets stupider. To “level up” to the hardcore Satanic high priesthood, Bill had to recruit seven people to sell their souls, and become a Catholic priest. He says medieval literature supports his contention that all Satanic high priests are also Catholic priests. (1) However, it isn’t required that you become an orthodox Catholic priest; it’s good enough just to be “ordained”, as both Schnoebolen and Mike Warnke were, as a “bishop” of the Old Catholic Church. This wasn’t difficult. Bill found a “bishop” who was willing to ordain him in exchange for being made a witch priest. Frater Barrabbas identifies this man as Edward M. Stehlik. (3)

Bill then became involved with the Patriarch of the Gnostic Catholic Church in Chicago, and was also made a bishop in that church. Oddly, he refers to this church as the Order of Memphis and Mizraim. They are not the same thing. The Gnostic Catholic Church is a branch of the Ordo Templi Orientis (OTO), and is not officially affiliated with esoteric Freemasonry.

At any rate, Bill claims to have reached the ninetieth of ninety-seven degrees in the Order of Memphis and Mizraim (never mind that it only has ninety degrees). He was also initiated into the OTO at some point. Now the story reaches its zenith of ridiculousness.

Step 4: Vampire

His mastery of Freemasonry in all its forms allowed Bill to “cross the abyss”, an occult term referring to a state of enlightenment. Under the system of hardcore Satanism he had chosen, he now had to decide between two paths: Lycanthropy or vampirism. He selected vampirism, because the werewolves he knew had undergone some unpleasant experiences.

As it turned out, vampirism wasn’t so jolly, either. In the church of a Chicago vampire cult, Bill was made to drink the blood of what he believes to be a fallen angel, and underwent a physical transformation: His blood type changed, he could consume only blood and Catholic hosts, his skin blistered in the sun, and he couldn’t be near garlic. He carefully notes that he could not turn into a bat. Whew. For a minute there, I thought his imagination was getting the better of him. I mean, fallen angels and garlic are one thing, but bats? Let’s not be silly.

A small harem of witches provided Bill with blood, but as time went on he required more and more of it. As a Milkwaukee Sentinal deliveryman, he would see a hooker and “it would be all that I could do not to leap on that woman and rip her throat out and just drink every drop of blood out of her body.” Only his love for his wife prevented him from doing it. (1)

This is quite easily one of the most bizarre and least plausible claims ever made by an ex-witch in North America. It is also profoundly disturbing. I think it goes without saying that Bill Schnoebolen was not physically transformed into a vampire, so why on earth would he tell us about his homicidal fantasies? “Former Satanists” like to exaggerate their evil nature to make their Christian conversion stories as dramatic as possible (Mike Warnke essentially admitted as such on The Jim Bakker Show), but wanting to rip out the throats of prostitutes is beyond the pale. Even inventing such fantasies is indicative of mental imbalance, in my opinion.

Schnoebelen also claims to have been a cocaine addict during this period, though he was a peer counselor for addicts before and after his years as a Satanist. How and when he kicked the habit is unknown.

Step 5: Christian

As we have seen, all the testimonies of former witches and ex-Satanists feature dramatic conversion stories. This is the ultimate purpose of the testimonies; to show that anyone, even the most debauched devil-worshiper, can be saved by Christ.

There are problems with Schnoebelen’s conversion story. He claims that in 1984, one of his “tithe checks” to the Church of Satan bounced and was returned to him with a note scrawled on it by a Christian bank teller: “I’ll be praying for you in the name of Jesus.”

This makes no sense in the context of his hardcore Satanism/Illuminati stories. Bill clearly stated that the Church of Satan was “entry level” Satanism, and that he had surpassed it by becoming a real, hardcore Satanist. So why was he still a member of the CoS nearly a decade later? To make a bad analogy, that would be like paying your Brownie dues long after you’ve become a Girl Scout.

The prayers of the unknown Christian bank teller triggered a chain of events that ultimately led to Bill’s salvation. First, he lost all his magical and vampiric powers. This was a major setback, as he was “probably one of the most powerful warlocks on the west coast of Lake Michigan.” This was when he decided he needed to become a Mormon. (1)

Yeah, you read that correctly. He had to become a Mormon. This is because the LDS church was founded “by witches, for witches”, as a sort of deep cover. Schnoebelen later wrote a book about it: Mormonism’s Temple of Doom. (1)
There is a minute grain of truth in this assertion. Certain practices of Joseph Smith, including the use of scrying stones, are indicative of folk magic. But to call Smith a full-fledged witch would be absurd in the extreme; he was a Christian, not an adherent of any earth religion or occult belief system. The modern-day beliefs and practices of Mormons in no way resemble witchcraft.
The allegation that Mormons secretly practice witchcraft or worship Satan is not unique to Schnoebolen’s testimony, unfortunately. For instance, prominent conspiracy theorist A. True Ott, a former member of the LDS Church, claims that Mormons ritually sacrifice humans in their Salt Lake City temple. It is a smear intended to utterly discredit Mormonism, a sect that has been despised and feared by mainstream Protestants since its inception.

Schnoebelen also claims he belonged to Elizabeth Clare Prophet’s Church Universal and Triumphant (CUT), a cult-like New Age sect. CUT is currently based in Montana, but in the ’70s it operated out of California. So it’s not impossible Schnoebelen had some dealings with Prophet’s followers. (2)

Like all the other people in this series, Bill portrays witchcraft and Satanism (falsely) as the exact same thing. He also claims that one of the Twelve Apostles of the LDS Church, Elder James E. Faust, personally told him that Lucifer is the god of Mormonism.

In a Prophecy Club lecture given around 1996, Schnoeblen openly encouraged Christians to fear, reject, and disdain Mormons and Freemasons. At the same time, he displayed a disdain for homosexuals, and a total lack of knowledge about the nature of sexual orientation. “If you’ve got one Mason in your congregation…you’re gonna end up with a kind of bad apple spoiling the whole barrel routine…You never have one of these dudes in a church, ’cause they start recruiting. Masons are like homosexuals, they can’t reproduce themselves naturally – yeah, amen! – they can only recruit.” (1)

Though Mormonism was just another one of Bill’s spiritual dead ends, it led him to true salvation by spurring him to read the Bible for the very first time (rather strange for a former seminarian!). He realized that St. Paul could never have been a Mormon – he doesn’t explain why he reached this conclusion – and finally gave his life to Christ on June 22, 1984. (1)

As a Christian, Bill penned many books and tracts about the alleged evils of witchcraft, the occult, UFOs, Satanism, Mormonism, and Dungeons & Dragons. He claimed the creators of D&D consulted his Satanic coven in the late ’70s because they wanted to make their game “authentic” (Dungeons and Dragons was created in the early ’70s, and it’s about as authentically Satanic as Taco Bell food is authentically Tex-Mex). His article “Straight Talk on Dungeons and Dragons” is still available on Jack Chick’s website, along with the nonsense of John Todd. Chick is a strong supporter of Schnoebelen, and offers his book Lucifer Dethroned for sale.
Though he knows perfectly well that witches are not Satanists and Mormons are not witches, Schnoebelen continues to spread this misinformation via lectures, DVDs, and his With One Accord ministry.

In 2006, Stephanie Relfe’s 9-hour interview of Schnoebelen was packaged as a DVD documentary, Interview with an Ex-Vampire. I’ve mentioned Mrs. Relfe on this blog before; she and her husband, Michael, used kinesiology to unlock Michael’s buried memories of being a U.S. government slave on Mars. Both Relfes, back on Earth, experienced extensive contact with aliens (Michael was also repeatedly abducted by military personnel). Their first child was teleported out of Stephanie’s womb by Reptilians.

The Relfes saw Schnoebelen on TV in 1998 and were “greatly impressed” by his knowledge of Freemasonry and other “secret societies”. They believed he was doing more than anyone on earth to expose the evil machinations of these organizations, so they subscribed to his ministry newsletter. In 2003, when Schnoebelen revealed that his wife was seriously ill, the Relfes recommended kinesiology. Bill and Sharon traveled to Florida to meet with Stephanie that April. In the course of the kinesiology work, Schnoebelen casually mentioned that he had once been a vampire, something he had kept to himself until the publication of Lucifer Dethroned in 1993. Stephanie was intrigued. She promptly recorded a four-hour interview with Bill. In 2005 she recorded a second interview, and combined the two to create Interview with an Ex-Vampire. The film had a slick-looking booth at Cannes in 2006. It received good reviews from Sherry Shriner, WingTV, Rumor Mill News, and several other conspiracy-themed websites.

In Interview with an Ex-Vampire, it’s obvious that Mrs. Relfe accepts Schnoebelen’s stories at face value, even the most absurd and fantastical ones. She listens patiently as Bill describes how a fellow Satanist summoned a mighty demon in his garage. Bill was a scribe at this ceremony, so he witnessed everything. The man successfully summoned a slithery, tentacled monster that filled the room, but made the mistake of stepping outside his magic circle to answer the phone. As it turned out, the ringing was a demonic illusion and the man was whisked away to another dimension by the demon. Because the story wouldn’t be believed, Bill said, he and the man’s wife never bothered to alert the authorities to his disappearance. He doesn’t provide names, a date, or a location.

Step 6: Naturopathic physician

“Naturopathy” is an extremely loose term that encompasses a broad range of alternative medicine, holistic health practices, and quackery. There are a few institutions that offer real degrees in naturopathy, but as Schnoebelen has not revealed where or when he received his, we have no idea if it’s valid or not.
As the alternative health biz is hot these days, Schnoebelen gave another Prophecy Club lecture on the “medical conspiracy”, explaining how the evil pharmaceutical companies are suppressing miraculous natural cures and whatnot. (4)

In the ’90s, Schnoebelen said he was working as a counselor specializing in addictions treatment. This is a bit alarming, as he doesn’t have any formal education or training in this field. Even more alarming is the fact that he believes there are about two million victims of Satanic ritual abuse (SRA) in the U.S., and treats some of those victims. In the ’80s and ’90s, even many fully-qualified professionals who treated SRA patients used highly questionable methods of treatment such as recovered memory therapy. I don’t even want to imagine the psychological damage an amateur therapist like Schnoebelen could do. But then, I don’t have to imagine it.
Schnoebelen says Dissociative Identity Disorder is caused by “scientifically inserted demons”. This medieval notion – that mental illness can be attributed to demonic possession – has no place in modern therapy. Even if deliverance has some limited efficacy in alleviating a patient’s symptoms, it doesn’t address the underlying cause(s) of the condition.
Schnoebelen is also of the misguided opinion that once a person becomes a Christian, he/she is fully healed of all psychological trauma resulting from childhood abuse and has no further need of therapy. Therefore, his goal as a counselor is probably just to convince emotionally vulnerable people that they must accept Christ as their personal saviour. Using “therapy” as a cover for proselytization is unethical in the extreme.

Schnoebelen’s take on history is equally mangled. He believes Josef Mengele was brought to the U.S. under Project Paperclip (he wasn’t; he fled to South America with a Vatican-issued passport). He says Mengele had experimented with mind control and cloning in Germany (he had nothing to do with either).
He says we’ve been successfully cloning animals since the 1940s. Dolly the sheep was just a cover.
As evidence that a UFO crashed near Roswell, New Mexico, in the year of Aleister Crowley’s death, Schnoebelen produced an artist’s rendering of a “long-range photo” showing two military policemen walking a tiny alien on a leash. Since the object that crashed in the desert was not extraterrestrial, this drawing-of-an-alleged-photo is obviously a crude hoax. No sane, rational person would accept it as evidence of anything.
Schnoebelen also gives credence to Eisenhower’s supposed meeting with aliens, Betty Hill’s “map” of Zeta Reticuli, and Reptilian sightings in malls beneath Salt Lake City. He speculates that aliens are really fallen angels, paving the way for the Antichrist. He wonders if SRA victims and alien abductees have implants that are really “tiny remote-controlled neutron bombs”. (1)

His Biblical exegesis isn’t much better. Schnoebelen believes that in I Corinthians 11:2-16, Paul seems to be warning women to be under the headship of men so they won’t be screwed by fallen angels. He suspects Adam and Eve may not have had blood until they ate the forbidden fruit, and that fallen angels must drink human blood to become sexually functional. (1)

When it comes to witchcraft, however, Schnoebelen shows himself more knowledgeable than his peers. He acknowledges that witches are just ordinary people, capable of love. He admits that Wicca is probably not ancient; Gerald Gardner’s New Forest coven was, in all likelihood, fictional. He knows that the Druids had no written language, and that our knowledge of their practices and beliefs is limited. This is quite a contrast to John Todd, Irene Park, and Tom Sanguinet, who attributed all sorts of evil deeds to the Druids. (2)

Some (Very Obvious) Problems with Schnoebolen’s Testimony

Why was he studying for a Masters degree in theology at a pastoral school and practicing Satanism at the same time, four years before he was saved?

Mormons are not witches. Mormons do not worship Lucifer. Witches do not worship Lucifer. If Mormons are secretly worshiping the Devil, why would Elder Faust confide this to two relatively new converts?

Freemasons are not Satanists, and Satanic high priests are not required to become Freemasons. Though rumours and hoaxes have attributed all manner of evil doings to Freemasonry, it is generally a benign fraternal organization.

Satanists are not required to become Catholic priests. Catholics are not permitted to be Freemasons. It is far more likely that Schnoebelen, like Mike Warnke, was drawn to the Old Catholic Church for reasons of his own, such as receiving the grand title of “bishop” without having to earn it.

Schnoebelen likened the Illuminati to Communist cells, compartmentalized in such a way that each member knows only one or two others. How, then, can the members engage in tantric sex with each other? How do they oversee and instruct one another? Who performed the ceremony in which he married his fallen angel? How can you even be sure the Illuminati truly exists, if you only know two of its supposed members?

Schnoebelen identifies Aleister Crowley as the key figure in his occult life, but gets many of the details about Crowley’s life and work seriously wrong. He claims Crowley was “probably the most highly honored Mason in the world”. In the recent Crowley autobiography Perdurabo, however, author Richard Kaczynski states that Crowley was not recognized as a Mason at all. Nor was Crowley a raper of children who “boasted of slaughtering 150 boys in a single year.” Crowley did write of child sacrifice in his book Magick in Theory and Practice, but made it clear that not everything in the book should be taken literally. There is no evidence that he ever physically harmed a child. On the contrary, most children enjoyed his company.
Schnoebelen also blames Crowley for Hitler, the Tunguska explosion, and “Transyuggothian magick“. Like John Todd, he suggests that H.P. Lovecraft had access to secret knowledge about demonic/alien entities. He says the Simon Necronomicon contains about half of the “real” Necronomicon, which is utter b.s. He points out that in both “The Shadow Over Innsmouth” and “The Dunwich Horror”, human women breed with nonhuman creatures. “I believe these stories are absolutely true…” (1)

Schnoebelen claims the Royal Secret of Scottish Rite Freemasonry is the sodomy of young boys, which occultists believe allows them to access a realm of “trans-Plutonian space” and gives them an illusion of immortality. He says even “good” Masons can be drawn into pedophilia and homosexuality. (1)
Again, he’s betraying a total ignorance of sexual orientation and attributing atrocious crimes to an organization that is, for the most part, benevolent. Predatory pedophiles are not over-represented in Freemasonry, and no occult tradition requires one to rape children.

Schnoebelen makes similar allegations against Michael Aquino, founder of the Temple of Set. He says Aquino was charged of child abuse three times, but the charges didn’t stick “probably because of government involvement.” (1)
First off, it was the government (the military) who investigated Aquino in the first place. Secondly, he was never charged with any crime. The investigations dead-ended, not because of government intervention but because the allegations were made by hysterical parents who feared that Colonel Aquino, an out-of-the-closet Satanist, was the child-raping, virgin-slaying devil of modern legend. It is very interesting that Aquino was never accused of a single crime until he outed himself as a Satanist.

In addition to his ridiculous stories about Catholic mind control and the Illuminati, Schnoebelen pulled out some of the same discredited conspiracy myths used by John Todd, such as the factoid that Freemason Albert Pike was a Satanist (a feature of the Taxil hoax). Also in common with Todd, he criticized Star Wars, soap operas, and romance novels. He told his Prophecy Club audience that because the U.S. government treats its citizens like “idiot children”, they turn to drugs and booze and fantasy (Star Trek, Star Wars, soaps, etc.). “As a result of this, most people end up on the dole, or in mental hospitals.” (1)
Excuse me? Most Americans are welfare recipients, and Star Trek is responsible for this? Since when?

If Schnoebelen legally wed a fallen angel, then I suggest he produce a marriage or divorce certificate to verify his story. Or at least pull out some wedding photos.

The stupidest and least tenable of all his claims, of course, is the assertion that he was a “real” vampire. Though Bill would have us believe that lycanthropy and vampirism are real supernatural phenomena with physiological manifestations, there is zero evidence to support that. No one needs to subsist on human blood. Blood type cannot change under any circumstances. If you are born AB positive, you will die AB positive. Faux vampirism and delusional lycanthropy certainly exist, but real vampires and werewolves do not. Duh.

Sources:

1. Schnoebelen’s Prophecy Club talk “Exposing the Illuminati from Within” (c. 1996)
2. “Interview with an Ex-Vampire” (Schnoebelen’s 2006 interview with Stephanie Relfe)
3. Frater Barrabbas Tiresius’ 4-part blog series on Schnoebelen @ Talking About Ritual Magick
4. Schnoebelen’s Prophecy Club talk “The Medical Conspiracy” (date unknown)

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

Martian plesiosaurs, Mossad sharks, and teleporting dolphins. Oh my.

  • Felicity Lowde, convicted in 2007 of harassing 7/7 bombing survivor Rachel North, has now turned her cybertongue against Pagans and Freemasons in Bristol, speculating they may have abducted and ritually murdered Joanne Yeates in a macabre Solstice initiation ceremony. Circumstantial evidence includes the fact that some Bristol Pagans like to meet in pubs near Ms. Yeates‘ workplace.
  • In late 2008, a Washington state man named Andrew Basiago announced he had found numerous anomalous things in photos taken by the Mars Spirit Rover, including humans in blue jumpsuits, statues, a Bigfoot, a “centipede woman”, and huge snakes. Now Basiago says he was teleported to Mars twice in 1980, and on one occasion he and the CIA agent accompanying him were charged by a plesiosaur. I’m sorry to report that some people believe this, and it has led to a crazy kerfuffle between leading members of the exopolitics movement. Basiago is apparently a practicing attorney, and claims to have five degrees from institutions like UCLA. He’s scheduled to speak at a Dolphins & Teleportation Symposium being held in Hawaii this June. Maybe a Martian plesiosaur will show up, too.
  • Kids, this is what happens when you go AWOL to make shitty “documentaries” with your friends.
  • Lest anyone is wondering why Egypt is up the creek, look no further than this: Last December, Mohamed Shousha (Governor of South Sinai) publicly declared that Israel’s Mossad may have dumped a shark into Egyptian waters to harm the tourist industry. With leaders like this, who needs leaders?

Is it just me, or would all these things combined make a great movie? A bloodthirsty shark capable of teleporting itself to the surface of Mars is released into English waters by an intelligence agency, and is thwarted by a coalition of dolphins, Martian plesiosaurs, and drunk Pagans.

Wednesday Weirdness Roundup

Australian toilet vampires, yo.

  • The Too Much Time on Their Hands Award goes to the group of archeology students who supposedly saw a UFO last week while digging for Bigfoot remains in Kemerovo Province, Russia.
  • When it comes to weirdness, Henry Makow’s Save the Males website is a goldmine. And today’s top story doesn’t disappoint: Two Australian MPs give each other a “Masonic handshake” while Prime Minister Julia Gillard – a “Satanic lodge head” and “toilet vampiress” – looks on approvingly. WTF is a toilet vampiress, and what do toilets have to do with Satanism? This letter to Makow from Aloysius Fozdyke explains it all. You may recall that Fozdyke, an actual Satanist, made up a deathbed confession by a fictional Satanist he called Frater 616. Apparently he did this for some giggles, but Makow takes The Order of the Toilet very seriously. Incidentally, I don’t care what Masons do with their hands.
  • I guess this was bound to happen: The Obama Body Count. The good news is, it’s completely bogus. Victims include the author of a nonexistent book (Jihad at the Voting Box), several names that lead exactly nowhere, a childhood classmate of Obama who was supposedly murdered when Obama was 9 years old (“since Islam demands that a boy spill another’s blood before the age of ten”), people connected to Reverend Wright and Larry Sinclair (one of whom died when Obama was 11), and a guy named Gandy Baugh who also appeared on the Clinton Body Count lists. They also have the wrong name for the D.C. Madam (and fail to explain why Obama was responsible for her suicide). Several conservative sites posted this email in 2008, and still refuse to accept that it’s not legit.