- I’m sure you’ve heard all the Arizona shooting theories by now, but here they are anyway: Jared Loughner was a Manchurian Candidate, he’s a white supremacist, he’s a right-wing nut, he’s a left-wing nut, and he sacrifices oranges to Satan.
- What’s weirder than Ken Kesey insisting most of his neighbors were aliens? Damned if I know.
- For those who have a hard time understanding the Andrew Wakefield fraud, here it is in comic form.
- If you think the Aflockalypse is scary, that’s only because you’re not yet acquainted with the Hobbit-eating storks.
- Whilst defending a source known only as Charles, Bill Ryan of Project Camelot asks the really big questions. Like, do aliens have skateboarding competitions?
- Old news, but still bad news: According to radio preacher Harold Camping, the world will end in May. Since Camping has only predicted the end of the world once before, I’m sure you can trust him this time.
Courtesy of Nexus magazine
Nexus magazine, as I’ve mentioned before, is cover-to-cover batshit insanity on crack. It recycles the craziest of the crazy “alternative health” and conspiracy memes, everything from the health benefits of drinking your own piss to reasons why the moon is probably hollow. The American edition is a bi-monthly edited by Duncan M. Roads, and it’s every bit as nutty as the original UK publication [correction: Australian publication]. You literally can’t get past a single page without laughing, cringing, or giving up on the future of mankind. The only good thing I can say about it is that while Skeptic and Skeptical Inquirer were sold out at my local bookstore, this rag was still on the shelf. There’s still hope for humanity, folks.
Anyway, since I’m still in de-vacationing mode, I figured I’ll let Nexus do my work for me this Wednesday. Seriously, there’s enough material in the March/April issue for about 50 Weirdness Roundups.
The hilarity begins on the very first page, in the editor’s intro. Roads basically admits that most of the catastrophic and UFO Rapture scenarios of the past four decades have been b.s., which should make subscribers wonder why the hell they’re reading this magazine. He writes, “I still cannot quite believe that it is 2010 and that the world hasn’t been through all the catastrophic planetary changes that were predicted…It seems that nothing has really changed, except the speed at which such ideas and rumours are communicated, thanks to the Internet.” Exactly, Mr. Roads. Exactly.
Letters to the Editor:
These two pages were so funny/sad I spit out my coffee a few times. Actual quote:
“I made two websites, one about giants and one about six-fingered hands. I am getting responses…”
Then there’s Jim Oglesby of Florida, who claims that while he was working on launch support at Cape Canaveral in the ’60s, aliens contacted him. (According to an editor’s note, you’ll be seeing that story again in a future issue.)
Another reader argues that bee deaths are being caused not by pesticides nor infection, as many scientists strongly suspect, but by “agribacteria” [sic] used as the gene transfer vector in GM crops. Chemtrails are also killing off a lot of bees and wasps, though the man can’t or won’t identify what’s actually in these things or why he’s confident they’re connected to insect deaths. He saw some funky contrails, then he saw fewer wasps. That’s evidence aplenty for him.
Global warming is fake, the Norway Spiral was not a missile but a manifestation of HAARP, lightning strikes can do funky things to your brain, yadda yadda yadda. The weirdest article is an examination of the Black-Eyed Kids phenomonenon, which began as a blatant and rather stupid online hoax by a Texas reporter named Brian Bethel back in ’98. He claimed that two adolescent boys with no white in their eyes approached his car and demanded to be given a ride somewhere. Like vampires of yore, they apparently had to be invited into a space in order to enter, and they gave off a subtle aura of menace when Bethel refused. The article goes into crazy specific detail about these BEKs, which have been regularly encountered since – guess when? – 1998. I think it goes without saying there aren’t any photos accompanying this article.
The creepiest thing about BEKs is not the kids themselves, but adults’ reported reactions to them. Like Bethel’s kids, all BEKs give off an aura of not-niceness, without being directly threatening in any way. They weigh about 80 lbs, but grown people are terrified just to be around them.
When a little black-eyed girl knocked at the side door of a Missouri woman’s house and said she needed help, the woman was so overwhelmed by the girl’s eyes and “adult vocabulary” that she slammed the door in her face. Perhaps the girl was unusually bright and had just been strangled, but never mind. If you get a bad vibe from a 7-year-old, it’s perfectly acceptable to leave them to die on your doorstep. That’s rational.
Other people are certain the BEKs are aliens, or demons, or demonic aliens. Christian writer and possible alien abductee Guy Malone says the kids have a “probable satanic source…probably demonic- or fallen-angel-related”. One man is convinced that a little girl in his family is possessed, because her eyes go black when she abuses animals or other children. No one else in the family seems to notice, he reports. A Toronto mother states, “My first encounter with an alien was at my daughter’s school”.
The article notes that there are numerous physical causes for enlarged pupils, but the writer then goes on to ignore them all completely, as if to say, “Screw that Occam shit – Omen kids are way more fun.”
90% of Nexus is unintentionally hilarious conspiranoid dreck, but it does have a very dark side: the plethora of bizarre disease cures that are recommended, uncritically discussed, and advertised. By page 5 of this issue you’re already reading a glowing review of a book titled Cancer is NOT a Disease – It’s a Survival Mechanism by Andreas Moritz. On the same page, Dr. Viera Scheibner is adamant that vaccines cause cancer via simian viruses (more on that topic later). The very next page informs us that an HIV cure developed by U.S. hematologist Gero Hutter is being ignored (even though, admittedly, his cure has only been tested on a single subject), and a page after that we learn of a “simple” MS cure discovered by Dr. Paolo Zamboni (while promising, his results are far from conclusive at this point).
The numerous health warnings are equally distressing:
- “Mammogram tests can cause breast cancer.” (p. 8)
- “Increasing scientific evidence for the existence of an infectious cancer-causing microbe emerged through the 20th century, but was routinely rejected by the medical establishment”. (p. 37) The hunt for cancer-causing microbes was the life mission of many scientists in the last century, notably Robert Gallo (the unacknowledged co-discoverer of the cause of AIDS). If any of these dogged scientists had actually found a human cancer virus, it would have been a red letter day for oncology, cancer research, and the pharmaceutical industry. But it never happened. No discoveries were suppressed. It just. Didn’t. Happen.
There’s also a heavy focus on alternate germ theories and outright rejection of germ theory. A lot of Nexus writers and readers are very enamored of some dude named Bechamp, the poor man’s Pasteur. He argued that pathogens are created by diseases and that all diseases originate in cell mutation; hence, germ theory is bunk.
Later on there’s a full-page ad for The Hidden Story of Cancer, and a feature article on something called “aerotoxic syndrome“. This might be a legit concern, but this article and others cited in the Wikipedia entry are wildly alarmist. Then there’s an ad (written by editor Roads himself, who actually misspells his own name) for a “therapeutic ionizer” that will increase your oxygen levels with negative ions to prevent most sicknesses, including travel diarrhea.
Maybe I should’ve bought a copy of Hello or Teen People instead of Nexus. They’re far more intelligent, and just as informative. Oh, and they won’t lead very many readers to preventable deaths.
Once in a great while, I meet a person who is so profoundly clueless that just a few minutes spent with him/her provides enough material for an entire Wednesday Weirdness Roundup (Sheldon and TrutherBitch being prime examples).
I met one such person today. I’ll call him Gus, for Gullible Uninformed Simp. Gus appears sane enough; he’s thirtysomething, well-spoken, gainfully employed with a wife and kids. But less than thirty seconds after he opened his mouth, I knew there was something….not….quite….right about Gus.
He wanted the Significant Other’s help in promoting a film series, not so much because he digs film, but because he feels the city’s annual film fest isn’t screening the kind of “controversial” documentaries the public should be seeing (read: retarded conspiranoid crap). He’s sick of films about starving children in Africa, global warming, domestic abuse and “other stuff I don’t give a SHIT about.”
So these are the films Gus thinks we should all be watching instead:
– The Beautiful Truth. This is a biographical documentary about Max Gerson, one of the gazillion or so cranks who “found the cure for cancer”. Naturally, the Elite Scumlords murderered him – but not before he revealed his cure to the world: A diet free of dairy, meat, salt, and sugar, along with lots of coffee enemas. Srsly. Squirting coffee up your butt “cures cancer”. Never mind that, no matter what your parents may have told you, there is nothing in coffee that actually inhibits cell growth. And you could, y’know, maybe drink the coffee.
The Science Punk has posted a thorough and highly entertaining review of this film.
– Vaccine-Nation. The usual anti-vaccine stuff, directed by Gary Null. Herd immunity doesn’t exist, all doctors are trying to kill you, and polio is no biggie. Gus says SIDS disappeared in Japan after they stopped vaccinating infants. Lon Morgan has pointed out that this is not quite accurate.
– Camp FEMA. Directed by one of the Christian Patriots who’s going to be thrown into a FEMA dungeon any day now.
Some of Gus’s other concerns:
– The Codex Alimentarius, which has already appeared in the Wednesday Weirdness Roundup. Gus noted that the Canadian government may someday impose restrictions on such wonderful things as colloidal silver and high doses of Vitamin C (to curtail the risky practice of megadosing, but never mind).
Some of Gus’s other concerns:
– “Electric smog”. Cell phones cause cancer (completely impossible), and the Prime Minister of Sweden claims she gets headaches whenever she’s within twelve feet of a cell phone (also completely impossible). On a related note, did anybody see that Intervention where a painkiller addict couldn’t stand to be around TVs or phones because of the electrical pollution? And she also wouldn’t go outside, because her mom’s azaleas were beaming negative “flower energy” at her?
– A raw milk salesman in Ontario [Michael Schmidt] is being persecuted. “He found a way to do it, and they got him.” He found a way to do what, exactly? Poison people with unhygienic dairy? Gus also mentioned the persecution of Andrew Wakefield.
– Fluoride. Because “it’s practically Lithium” (it’s “practically” a lot of things, but never mind), it pacifies people who ingest it. Really? Gosh, that must be why U.S. crime rates have plummeted since the introduction of fluoridated water!
– Evolution. “Darwin was full of shit”.
– In the event of an epidemic, unvaccinated people may be rounded up and quarantined. Or they might just let you drop dead, Gus.
– Despite his disdain for all vaccines, Gus is somewhat concerned about new strains of H1N1, like the one that’s raging through the Ukraine. This is very interesting, because (as Alex Jones triumphantly crowed last year) the Ukraine recently had a massive anti-vaccination movement…
Here are a few of the most interesting predictions for ’09, from some of the most trusted sources in the field of professional prognostication. How well did they do?
The aliens will introduce themselves on television. FAIL. On the July 10, 2009 broadcast of Coast to Coast AM, psychic David Wilcock announced that his inside sources within the intelligence community had told him that the U.S. government would give FULL DISCLOSURE about the alien presence on earth during a two-hour, international TV event by the end of the year. The TV spot had already been reserved and everything. During the broadcast, actual humanoid aliens would be trotted out and introduced to us by the President. Maybe the show was cancelled because too many viewers believe the President is an alien. Or because it would have cut into Leno’s time slot.
You can read about some of Wilcock’s other hilariously wrong predictions here.
The aliens won’t land, but the New World Order baddies will make us think they’ve landed, using holograms and high-tech gadgetry. FAIL. Throughout 2008, this prediction was touted by Alex Jones, Connie Fogal of the Canadian Action Party, and just about every conspiranoid on the planet. This video featuring Dr. Carol Rosin “explains” it.
The Japanese sea-monster hologram was sometimes cited as an example of how convincing a bogus alien invasion could be. Please. It’s cool, but even if you were really-really stoned, would you honestly think that was a live sea monster? Srsly? Would you run into a hotel lobby screaming, “There’s a sea monster in the bay and it looks pissed! Run away!”? Or would you say to yourself, “That’s an even better hologram than the shark in Back to the Future III! I am truly blessed to live in such a technologically advanced society, where otaku twentysomethings can create these wondrous marvels for the delight of mankind. Now I think I’ll hit the buffet”?
The Great Swine Flu Plot of ’09. FAIL. As I wrote at Leaving Alex Jonestown, Jones laid out the steps whereby the Commie-Satanist-Eugenicist elite would use forced H1N1 inoculation to cause rioting, giving them an excuse to bundle us all into FEMA camps and eliminate 80-99% of the world’s population. This was supposed to begin happening in the fall of ’09. Do I even have to mention that instead of forced inoculation programs, most developed countries have major overstocks of H1N1 vaccine?
I didn’t think so.
The Web Bot Project “Global Coastal Event”. UNDETERMINED. According to the Web Bots, early 2009 was supposed to see a “Global Coastal Event” and a lot of other vague-ass stuff like “emotional intensity”.
Sylvia Browne’s Predictions. Here’s what the dagger-nailed doyenne of epic fail predicted for ’09:
– The economy will rebound around May. FAIL.
– The U.S. will discover even more oil and gas reserves and begin using its own resources. FAIL.
– Regulation of loans and stocks will increase. FAIL.
– More jobs with better benefits (better than what?) will appear mid-year. FAIL.
– Troops will begin coming home from Iraq en masse in December. FAIL.
– Tsunamis and earthquakes will occur in the Far East. PASS.
– Branjelina will probably break up towards the end of the year. PASS? FAIL? WHO CARES?
– Harrison Ford will have a health scare. FAIL.
– Clint Eastwood will have varicose veins. UNDETERMINED, and who cares?
– Robert Redford will be honored for an award-winning documentary. FAIL. Not only did Redford not direct or produce a documentary, he wasn’t honored much at all in ’09. In fact, Lions for Lambs made most critics and fans want to kick his ass. A better prediction would have been, “It’s finally going to suck to be Robert Redford this year.”
– Katie Couric will leave CBS Nightly News. FAIL.
– Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins will start a large alternative-energy organization. That sounds like a safe bet, but FAIL.
– In March, a large liner “will go aground, sending many people into the water”. FAIL.
– Two plane crashes near the East Coast in August and September. FAIL. And she didn’t see the Hudson crash in January. That’s an extra FAIL.
– Terrorist attack close to Paris in January. FAIL.
– Two attacks in India in February. FAIL.
– A Brinks trunk will be robbed in Vegas. FAIL. Try Florida.
– An uprising will occur in Oakland, California – something to do with a police officer and gang members. PASS. There were riots after the shooting of Oscar Grant III in January ’09.
- One of the biggest, spookiest boogeymen in the H1N1 vaccine hysteria is the use of squalene in oil-based vaccine adjuvants. What the paranoia-peddlers fail to mention is that oil-based adjuvants aren’t used in human vaccines, as I explain in “Much Ado About Squalene” at Leaving Alex Jonestown. You might as well be worrying that your ground beef is being replaced with unicorn meat.
- An illustrated biography of alien abductee/artist David Huggins has been released. Huggins believes he has sired at least 60 human-alien children, and has painted hundreds of eerily fascinating pictures of his experiences. You can see a few of them at this page devoted to Huggins and the biography’s author, Farah Yurdözü.
- As if the hoax wasn’t annoying enough, Balloon Boy Halloween costumes are now on sale.
- If you’re wondering why I bother with this blog and Leaving Alex Jonestown, it’s because of people like the girl I’ll call Susie. Susie is an 18-year-old waitress at a restaurant in a small Minnesota town, and last week she told my mother that there’s no way she’s going to get an H1N1 shot. After watching a raft of YouTube videos, she thinks a teeny-tiny microchip will be injected into her bloodstream. She’s also freaked about U.S. concentration camps and the usual range of YouTube WTFery. ‘Cause we all know that the Illuminati Freemasonic Reptiles have nothing better to do than track every movement of a teenage waitress in Minnesota, right?
- Proof that everything is scarier when you present it in dramatically backlit titles, with choral music: Secrets of Masons. For a mere $37, you can supposedly pre-order all the juicy secrets the Masons don’t want you to know, such as “We like to dunk our digestive biscuits in lukewarm tea.”
- A friend wanted to know what I think of the “Free-man-on-the-land” movement (in which disgruntled white men attempt to opt out of the system by reverting to common law, so they can do all the cool stuff that The Man won’t let them do, like beating their common-law girlfriends to death for burning the fried bologna). So here’s what I think: It’s retarded b.s. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea in principle (although it is), but let’s stop and think about what would happen if everyone decided they were above the law. Would you want this Freeman to be beyond the rule of law?
- I just learned that Jay Smith, one of two men convicted for the brutal 1979 murder of Pennsylvania teacher Susan Reinert and her two children, died in May. His conviction was overturned in 1992. If you’re not familiar with the “Main Line Murders”, there’s a fairly good synopsis at truTV’s Crime Library. Be warned that it’s one of the most bizarre, convoluted, and disturbing cases in the history of American crime. I’ve read the two major books on the case several times each, and I still don’t know what the hell was going on at Upper Merion High School in the ’70s. It was either a conspiracy between two killers, or one of the most elaborate frame-ups imaginable.
- Remember the Austrian journalist who’s filing criminal charges against various health officials and pharmaceutical companies over the Swine Flu “depopulation plot”? Well, I should’ve seen this coming, but I didn’t: People are referring to her as a “whistleblower”. This is one term that is horribly abused by the conspiracy community. Whistleblowers work within the industry they are exposing. Ms. Burgermeister is, at best, a muckraker. But I hesitate to even call her that, because muckrakers usually have lots of hard evidence to back up their work.
- Gullible’s not in the dictionary: A UK woman reportedly supports her 13-year-old son’s account of being trounced by a ghost, and has turned to a priest for help.
According to a June 25th article at Natural News.com (home to all the alternative-health weirdness you can handle, plus more), Jane Burgermeister is an Austrian investigative journalist who recently filed criminal charges with the FBI against the World Health Organization, the United Nations, Barack Obama, various pharmaceutical company executives and public health officials, and others*. She alleges they are all complicit in a plot to carry out “mass genocide” against Americans and Austrians via the genetically engineered Swine Flu and Avian Flu viruses. This plot is being directed by the same international bankers who control the U.S. Federal Reserve.
In April, Burgermeister filed criminal charges in Austria against the Swiss subsidiary of Baxter International (the pharmaceutical company responsible for developing Swine Flu vaccine) as well as AVIR Green Hills Biotechnology of Austria, for producing contaminated Avian Flu vaccine (deliberately). She believes these companies created the Avian and Swine Flu pandemics in order to profit from the vaccines that caused the pandemics in the first place. This theory is shared by Alex Jones, Dr. Bill Deagle, and others.
As evidence that the Swine Flu is a genetically engineered bioweapon, Ms. Burgermeister included in her “dossier”quotes from “Swine Flu 2009 is Weaponized 1918 Spanish Flu“ by the anonymous “doctor” known as A. True Ott and a Science report by Dr. Jeffrey Taubenberger et.al. (Taubenberger’s team was the first to note the similarities between the 1918 flu virus and the Avian Flu virus).
Burgermeister says the mass murder via injection will facilitate the bankers’ ultimate goal to add the North American Union to their international crime syndicate and reduce the world population to just 1 billion within the next decade. They have already created a gulag of FEMA concentration camps and mass grave sites to get rid of those who stand in their way. Ms. Burgermeister evidently didn’t mention microchip implants in her dossier, but I’m sure they’re part of the plan, too.
So what in the freaking hell does any of this have to do with Michael Jackson?
According to an article by Sorcha Faal, posted at What Does It Mean and a few other conspiracy sites, Jackson was a “long standing supporter” of Ms. Burgermeister’s work. His concert tour would have given him a worldwide platform to warn the world about the flu vaccine plot, with the help of Sheikh Abdullah bin Hamad al-Khalifa, son of the King of Bahrain. He and Jackson recently reached an out-of-court settlement involving loans intended to relaunch Jackson’s career. The sheikh was also a supporter of Burgermeister’s work.
Faal reveals that the FSB, the Russian security agency, blames the CIA for Jackson’s death. At the time he died, a Russian military satellite detected an electromagnetic pulse centered on Jackson’s house.
This theory fails at just about every level. For one thing, how do you get from an EMP to a CIA murder plot? For another, Ms. Burgermeister apparently denies that Jackson was a supporter, and suspects Faal is in cahoots with the Bankers of Death.
Faal doesn’t provide any sources for the FSB allegations, and this thread at the Above Top Secret conspiracy forum mentions a long list of declarations made by Ms. Faal that turned out to be just wrong, some of them based on Pravda stories (for the record, Pravda has only suggested that Jackson knew he was dying). There’s even a lot of speculation that Faal is actually the alter ego of What Does It Mean editor David Booth. Sorcha Faal is supposedly Sister Maria Theresa, 73rd Sorcha Faal of the Sorcha Faal Order. The order has been around since 588 B.C., but has miraculously managed to avoid all publicity, academic scrutiny, and historical documentation.
* Including Janet Napolitano (Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security), David Rothschild, David Rockefeller, George Soros, the Chancellor of Austria, and the Austrian Health Minister
I hesitate to call the following a “conspiracy theory”. It’s more like “completely clueless and misinformed rambling.” An elderly woman caller to a Canadian radio show, who gives free all-day seminars in Vancouver, had this to say about vaccines and the NWO:
She began her rant by saying that most of us are completely ignorant of history and what’s going on around us. She must educate the masses before it’s too late.
– “There is absolutely nothing scientific about vaccines. If it’s true that being exposed to a little bit of a disease makes you immune to it, why do you get a cold and then get another cold later on?! A vaccine has no antibodies! So how can it help your immune system?” She seemed to believe that all viruses contain live viruses, and that you will contract any disease the vaccination is designed to prevent. Like many anti-vaccination hysterics, she does not fully grasp what vaccination even is or how it works.
– “We have an explosion of autoimmune diseases, which happened after we started shooting all these vaccines into children. Now if you were going to do genocide, where would be the best place to start?”
Host: “Um, with children…?”
– All flus, most enzymes, and HIV/AIDS come out of U.S. labs.
– Patenting vaccines and gene sequences is wrong, because they are natural. It’s an Illuminati plot. The host gently tells her that THEY didn’t exactly push this through; there were many court battles involved, but she’s already halfway through the next part of her spiel by this time.
– “The dumbing down of America is being done with vaccines.” Viruses in the vaccines attack the “mylar sheath”, and cross the blood-brain barrier to cause brain inflammation/encephalitis. Most vaccinated infants die in hospital, thanks to vaccines. (I don’t know where she’s been living; Canada has low infant mortality rates)
Whew. Sorry about the babies, but this a relief. I don’t even have a Mylar sheath. Oh wait, yes I do. Oh well. I’ll just go to MEC and get another one.
The woman finally tired of educating the igner’nt masses about the evils of innoculation, and moved on to the “Illuminati agenda”.
– “When Russia reorganized its elite, they did it through secret societies. The Masonic orders. They are everywhere. They have literally infiltrated every organization, and are Trojan horses within those organizations.”
She promises that her next free seminar will tie together HAARP mind control, chemtrails, laser weapons that incinerate people, and many other skeins of the Illuminati agenda.
– Martial law is months or weeks away. “It will be like Stalin’s Russia, or that guy in Chile, what was his name?”
“Yeah, yeah. Pinochet.”
You’ve been warned, folks. Protect those Mylar sheaths by exposing yourself to viral diseases without any protection! Watch out for those Russian Freemasons!
- “Right to the moon! Seriously!” On a recent Coast to Coast AM with George Noory, a guest brought up a truly weird story: Jackie Gleason was friends with Nixon, and Nixon took him to a U.S. military base (Homestead AFB in Florida) to view the body of an ET. The story was told by Gleason’s second wife, Beverly, and can be found at many UFO sites. Whether the story came from Gleason himself or not, he did have a great interest in UFOs and the paranormal, appearing frequently on Long John Nebel’s radio show (the “grandfather” of Coast to Coast AM).
- Captain Eric May, 9/11 Truther/”Holocaust heretic”, is crying wolf yet again. False-flag nuke attacks, martial law, Zionism, FEMA camps, yadda yadda yadda.
- I thought that ritual abuse conferences went out of fashion with acid-washed jeans, but apparently not.
- Orac at Respectful Insolence has a very interesting post on Jenny McCarthy in her pre-antivaccination days. Back then, she believed autistic son Evan was a “Crystal Child”, a notch above Indigo. These kids can do wondrous things that will change the whole world, like talk to trees and see fairies.