Lucy: Sci-fi without the sci

 

lucy eyes

This movie was like a tsunami of woo. A woonami. La Femme Nikita with a lobotomy. What’s wrong with it? Well, I’ll wait for one of those “Everything That’s Wrong With This Movie in 5 Minutes” videos to come out, but in the meantime…

  • The obvious. 
  • Srsly, it’s like basing an entire movie on the premise that your body takes 7 years to digest chewing gum.
  • Villain washing blood off his hands with Evian: Worst product placement ever.
  • If you use 10% of your brain, you can defy gravity.
  • If you use 70% of your brain, you can turn people into mimes.
  • “I know Chinese now.” = “I know Kung Fu.”
  • Stock footage nature montages in a movie with a $40 million budget. Not even narrated by Richard Kiley.
  • Excuse me, a club drug?
  • By the movie’s own logic, Lucy should have looked like the Elephant Man. But then she wouldn’t fit into a little Gaultier dress, so….
  • Moms: If your hard-partying daughter starts to talk about feeling her brain and seeing energy, go ahead and freak out.
  • Can read minds and manipulate most forms of energy. Still needs to use a phone.
  • How did she get out of that hospital after shooting a guy on an operating table?
  • Can levitate, move anything, and transport herself across space and time. Still needs to use a car.
  • Why would your pupils change? Why?!
  • The French version of the Winky’s Guy served absolutely no purpose in this film.
  • Every Asian actor was wasted on Generic Asian Gang characters.
  • Adding dinosaurs will not save your sucky movie. (See also: Tree of Life)
  • An astrochicken computer will not save your sucky movie.
  • If you use 100% of your brain, you can dematerialize and rematerialize as a flash drive.
  • But the astrochicken computer also dematerializes, so where are they going to put this amazing flash drive?
  • Congratulations, Lucy. You were the first human to use 100% of her brain, and now you are the world’s most useless flash drive.
  • “Eat organic.”

 

so dumb for real

Advertisements

One thought on “Lucy: Sci-fi without the sci

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s