Lucy: Sci-fi without the sci

This movie was like a tsunami of woo. A woonami. La Femme Nikita with a lobotomy. What’s wrong with it? Well, I’ll wait for one of those “Everything That’s Wrong With This Movie in 5 Minutes” videos to come out, but in the meantime…

• The obvious. 
• Srsly, it’s like basing an entire movie on the premise that your body takes 7 years to digest chewing gum.
• Villain washing blood off his hands with Evian: Worst product placement ever.
• If you use 10% of your brain, you can defy gravity.
• If you use 70% of your brain, you can turn people into mimes.
• “I know Chinese now.” = “I know Kung Fu.”
• Stock footage nature montages in a movie with a $40 million budget. Not even narrated by Richard Kiley.
• Excuse me, a club drug?
• By the movie’s own logic, Lucy should have looked like the Elephant Man. But then she wouldn’t fit into a little Gaultier dress, so….
• Moms: If your hard-partying daughter starts to talk about feeling her brain and seeing energy, go ahead and freak out.
• Can read minds and manipulate most forms of energy. Still needs to use a phone.
• How did she get out of that hospital after shooting a guy on an operating table?
• Can levitate, move anything, and transport herself across space and time. Still needs to use a car.
• Why would your pupils change? Why?!
• The French version of the Winky’s Guy served absolutely no purpose in this film.
• Every Asian actor was wasted on Generic Asian Gang characters.
• Adding dinosaurs will not save your sucky movie. (See also: Tree of Life)
• An astrochicken computer will not save your sucky movie.
• If you use 100% of your brain, you can dematerialize and rematerialize as a flash drive.
• But the astrochicken computer also dematerializes, so where are they going to put this amazing flash drive?
• Congratulations, Lucy. You were the first human to use 100% of her brain, and now you are the world’s most useless flash drive.
• “Eat organic.”