(in no particular order, with each theory’s author or main proponent in parentheses, if known)
- The driver shot JFK. (the late William Cooper)
- The Beatles were designed and sent to the U.S. by the British Psychological Warfare Division, to undermine the morals of American teenagers. (Lyndon LaRouche)
- Christ’s Crucifixion was staged. (Hugh Schonfield) Christ eloped with Mary Magdalene, and one or both of them fled to France to raise their family. (Baigent/Leigh/Lincoln)
- Christ and his disciples were a magic-mushroom cult. (Dead Sea Scrolls scholar John Allegro)
- HIV/AIDS was created in a lab.
- HIV does not cause AIDS.
- Man never landed on the moon. It’s not even possible. But there is an alien base there. (see Wikipedia; for an artful and very funny parody of how these theories can be patched together from unrelated material, watch the mockumentary Dark Side of the Moon)
- The Zapruder film is entirely fake, even though it contradicts the findings of the Warren Commission. (Jim Fetzer)
- Stephen King killed John Lennon. (Steve Lightfoot)
- WWII was staged. It never really happened. The Illuminati employed elaborate special effects, stage magic, and phony journalism to scare the world into pacifism. (Donald Holmes)
- Queen Elizabeth I was a man. The real Elizabeth died as a child.
- George H.W. Bush was really George Scherff Sr., a Nazi sent to destroy America as a teenager and adopted by Prescott Bush (Scherff was also an assistant to Nikola Tesla, and stole all Tesla’s inventions after he was murdered by Otto Skorzeny and Reinhard Gehlen). Hitler was still alive in Montana in 1997, and Josef Mengele is keeping himself alive and youthful with a regimen of hormones and cannibalism. Oh, and Curious George was inspired by a young George Scherff Jr.; that’s probably why Alan J. Shalleck was murdered by two men he met through a gay sex network one day before the movie premiered. (this information comes from a man named Eric Berman, who claims he heard it straight from his girlfriend’s dad, Otto Skorzeny, in Florida during the late ’90s. Skorzeny died in Madrid in 1975.)
- One promoter of the Scherff-Bush story adds that Josef Mengele was the real Zodiac, the Boston Strangler(s), and the anthrax letter mailer. (http://www.thebushconnection.com/)
- The 1939 War of the Worlds radio broadcoast was a psychological warfare study funded by C.D. Jackson on behalf of the Rockefeller Foundation, designed to find out how Americans would react to an enemy invasion. Funny… in a trailer for his mockumentary F is for Fake, Orson Welles did say the WoW broadcast had “secret sponsors”. (Daniel Hopsicker)
- A really old one that just won’t die: Jews drink the blood and eat the flesh of Gentile children during Passover. Some Catholics still revere the relics of Medieval child saints supposedly slaughtered and devoured by Jews.
- The doomed Franklin Expedition was sent to the Arctic not only to find the Northwest Passage, but to secretly investigate UFO sightings that had been reported since the 1700s. The men were captured, experimented upon, and eaten by giant aliens. (Jeffrey Blair Latta)
- Hitler and some associates escaped to the Arctic in a submarine, to live with super-advanced aliens who reside within the hollow earth. (This story originated with Edward Bulwer-Lytton’s novel The Coming Race, was treated as fact by the pre-Nazi Vril Society, was bolstered by the forged “secret diary” of Admiral Byrd, and was adopted by the likes of Ernst Zundel)
- Denver International Airport was built expressly to conceal a vast underground complex, headquarters of the New World Order elite. Clues are hidden in the airport’s peace-themed mural.
- Scientology: Billions of years ago the intergalactic overlord Xenu used a film to brainwash our souls (“Thetans”) into believing in the world’s major religions, which he invented.
- Gnosticism: The entire material world is an evil trap created by the imposter God of the Bible.
- Nation of Islam: White people were created in a lab.
- Jesuits sank the Titanic to kill some of the world’s richest, most powerful Jews.
- The early Middle Ages (614-911 A.D.) never occurred. Everything that supposedly happened during those years was either a misunderstanding, an event from a different era, or an outright lie – Charlemagne, for instance, is a fictional figure. And we are actually living in the 1700s. (Herbert Illig’s phantom time hypothesis)
- Shortly before he left office, Bill Clinton secretly signed into law the National Economic Security and Reformation Act (NESARA). This act would have completely restructured the U.S. government by – among other things – forgiving all personal credit card debt and mortgages, abolishing the IRS, restoring constitutional law, and somehow ensuring world peace – but the Supreme Court placed a gag order on it, and threatened death to any government official who breathed word of its existence. NESARA activists around the world are agitating to get the act announced and instituted.
- Aspartame, flouride, genetically modified foods, and vaccines are used specifically to keep us sick and open to suggestion, and/or as part of a secret depopulation plan designed by the world’s elite.
- Atlanta child murder theories: Victims were used for CDC research into Interferon; KKK Klansmen posed as cops to wipe out young black men (Dick Gregory); white scientists needed the boys’ foreskins to produce a cure for cancer and/or a youth serum. (Dick Gregory again)
- Jeffrey Dahmer was an actor hired by the Ambrosia Chocolate company to pose as a cannibal killer so no one would object to the factory being torn down and another one built with illegal tax breaks (posted by “manoftruth” on online forums devoted to Rush and Bon Jovi, along with rants on Wicca and Jews; his name might be Mark Zahn, but who knows?).
And here’s a fun one: By combining two separate conspiracy theories, you can turn Hitler into Jack the Ripper!
Theory #1: Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence, faked his death to move to Germany and become Adolph Hitler.
Theory #2: Prince Eddy, Duke of Clarence (and/or Freemasons acting on his behalf) was Jack the Ripper.
Hence, Prince Eddy might have killed several prostitues, faked his own death, then resurfaced in Austria as Hitler.
Swallowing The Camel 
It’s really fun and frustrating to watch the twoofers. They’re still recycling the same old lies and the same old propagandistic misdirection. Nothing new coming out of it.Of course, they have yet to explain how Bush could have done it, other than appeals to magic, like ninja demolition experts with top-secret hushaboom explosives, or thermate/ite that burns perpendicular to gravity, or magical R9 orbital wave cannons that can hover over one spot despite being far north of the equator, or holographic airplanes piloted by Voyager’s chief medical officer.
hahaha wow, I really can’t decide what’s funnier, the conspiracy theories listed or the loonies posting here that they’re real. anyone see that Alcuin blog on NESARA? hilaaaaaarious.
@ Matthew:Facts never beat “truth”. Once someone claims to know the “truth”, smile and back away slowly. They’re a lost cause.Still, mad kudos for a reasoned response.@ Anyone on the fence about this:Think for yourself. Doubt anyone who knows the “truth” especially when they weren’t there. If the building has MELTED (borrowing someone elses use of caps here) maybe you’d have an argument for thermite. Albeit, a LOT of thermite. But they didn’t melt – they fell from the top down. Also be wary of glib responses, ie: “why don’t demolition crews set buildings on fire?” Because a trained demo crew can take a building down WITHOUT hurting anything nearby. They do also spend a great deal of time removing glass, environmentally dangerous substances, and anything that can be reused. You can also ask any of the 1st responders (or better yet their doctors) whether or not it’s a good idea.Everybody knows jet fuel won’t turn steel into magma. If it did, then airplanes would melt. Duh. But there is an enormous leap between that fact and stating that you know the “truth”, especially if it involves fantastical conspiracy theories that “your cousin heard about from some really important dude” – but can’t verify from a reliable source. That’s not truth, or fact – if anything it’s a good sign of neurochemical inbalance.Look at Dan Rather – he lost his job because of an actual document that he thought was legit, and maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t (I don’t know the “truth”) but he couldn’t back it up. People believe what they WANT to believe. That’s why they get so upset when you question it – it satisfies some deeper psychological need, and if you threaten their much needed “truth” you threaten something much deeper. They need this for the world to make sense to them.Both sad and scary when you think about it. Especially when you consider that these people can both drive and vote.
Don’t be so dismissive of all alternative theories.Especially when facts back some of them up.
First, there’s a world of difference between “dismissive” and skeptical. Secondly, I give ALL theories equal time because I don’t believe that it is rare for anyone to have ALL of the facts. My issue is not with the theory, but the logic presented to support it – most especially when there is a total lack of specifics. I don’t view things as impossible, merely improbable. The more verifiable facts that are presented to support an argument, the more probable I will consider it. In this instance I have yet to see any evidence to support a conspiracy theory that hasn’t been debunked or logically flawed. This is usually the part of the script where someone brings up building 7. I don’t know what happened there, and I have yet to hear anyone present anything other than pure conjecture.
Ugh – correction “I believe it is rare…” I revised my sentence and didn’t remove the ‘don’t.’ (what an awkward sentence)
G. K. Chesterton was Jack the Ripper; The Man Who Was Thursday is an allegorical confession for the six killings. Chesterton’s role in the killings was concealed by the nefarious Oxford Movement which hoped to use spiritual energy and public outrage released by the killings to unify the Anglican and Catholic churches.
http://digitalnobody.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-comment-on-worlds-weirdeststupidest.htmlMy thoughts on the one’s reposted on BoingBoing.Great list, interesting blog indeed! 🙂
no. my conspiracy theory is the dumbest. jackie shot jfk. She did it with an M16 concealed in the bouquet of flowers. The proof? She immediately attempted to flee.
Yes, Jesus and MM eloping is just crazy because we all know he bodily rose from the dead which is MUCH more believable.And a mushroom cultist? How could anyone believe such a loony thing when we all know He was GOD!Your conspiracy theories are ruining my fairy tales!
The driver shot JFK? Nonsense! Everyone knows it was Jackie who shot JFK!In the Zapruder film they’re both conveniently hidden behind the sign when the shot happens. She whacked Marilyn Monroe as a warning for JFK to stop fooling around…
I once worked with a guy who told me (in strict confidence) that JFK was killed by aliens because he was going to expose an underground facility (built with money allocated for the “Cold War” — a fiction that several nations invented so that money coud be siphoned off for this underground world) where experiments were being conducted on human females because the aliens had lost their ability to procreate.His theory had it all – JFK, mysogeny, aliens, and distrust of the Government. He also wore a spaceship pin on his collar every day so that when “they” returned, they would know he was on their side. BTW, he was an airbrush artist who worked on Government contracts in the DC area.
I just had to say SOMETHING here, this is too much fun. I would like to point out that it is damned hard to prove a negative. Sure, some are relatively easy, but really. Also, I knew someone on the plane that hit the Pentagon. Trust me. He’s dead. And so is everyone else on that plane.Also again, the WTC was built to withstand the impact of the largest Jetliner THAT WAS MADE AT THAT TIME. The planes that hit the towers, were newwer and larger.
To Jim – thanks for the voice of logic. Unfortunately, people tend to believe what they read, regardless of the facts or lack thereof. I keep seeing people who reference Internet sites as “proof”. That really cracks me up!I enjoyed the list – and the comments. Good times! : )
Condolences for the truther rush even though you tactfully avoided mentioning them.My personal favorite is the middle ages time skip. One has to be really determined to remove several hundred years of history.
Oh, almost forgot. I really like the phenomenon in Turkey of the “deep state.” Basically it’s your generic shadow government controlled by mafia and corporate influences, but what makes it novel is that *everyone in Turkey* believes it. Crazy stuff.
If you’re a 9/11 conspiracy skeptic like I was you’ve got to read these:http://www.erichufschmid.net/Conspiracies_Underdogs_Main.htmlhttp://rigorousintuition.blogspot.com/2004/08/coincidence-theorists-guide-to-911.htmlhttp://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/HL0206/S00092.htm http://www.oilempire.us/conspiracy.html http://www3.sympatico.ca/sr.gowans/selective.html http://www.onlinejournal.com/archive/05-01-01_Binion.pdf http://www.fromthewilderness.com/free/ww3/030402_cornreply.html http://www.davidcogswell.com/Political/CornCrusade.html http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig3/wall4.html http://www.commondreams.org/views03/0511-04.htm http://www.counterpunch.org/weiner0601.html http://www.globalresearch.ca/articles/PHI211A.html http://www.steamshovelpress.com/fromeditor28.html
I’m disappointed that Andy Kaufman’s faked death isn’t here…
Jews eating babies is not a conspiracy theory. I know, I was eaten by Jews when I was about 6 months old.
BTW, no one shot JFK. He’s currently living on an island in the Bahamas. Elvis lives in the guesthouse.
Oh, and Michael Jackson’s mental and physical abnormalities are the result of an experimental retrovirus designed in by Pfizer in 1983 to switch off the Methuselah gene. Obviously there were some initial failures. But they pretty much got it right by the time Cher was treated.
Oh man, I loved reading these comments. There is nothing better than listening to a bunch of simpletons use pseudo-science to explain their insane beliefs. 9/11 theories, hahaha. Get fuel burns at a max of 800c, come on now…like heat works like that, it builds silly, What do you think is happening in your oven? Why would you have to pre-heat? Because it builds. Also, it wasn’t like that jet fuel was burning all by itself, remember there was also a building full of people, equipment, and structure burning as well. Furthermore, why don’t you go to ground zero and take a look for yourself, there is a lot of damage to the buildings near the Towers as well…but I suppose that is part of the conspiracy too.And where did the dust come from? I don’t know, maybe hundreds of thousands of tons of steel and concrete in a free fall knocking against each other and breaking up after being pummeled by two huge jets? “Nope,” they say “it was a government demolition crew” that cannot be verified by any facts or evidence.When faced with two options, one that was literally witnessed and documented by thousands upon thousands of people; the other, a hilariously outlandish conspiracy involving hundreds of thousands of people (not one of which has come out to speak)Conspiracy theorists will always go with the second, the baseless, a tale truly worthy of L. R. Hubbard.
I like the Jackie-shot-JFK and G.K. Chesteton-as-Jack-the-Ripper ones. You could probably get some support for that Jackie O. theory…she immediately blamed someone else, and tried to flee the scene…Plus, you could hide some serious weaponry under a pillbox hat.
great list!my favorite new conspiracy: Elvis was planing to announce details of his faked death and release the schedule of a comeback tour but guess where he was: Top of the World restaurant in the WTC on September 11, 2001!
Ya theres some crazy ones in there BUT just because the author of that page is ignorant to some real possible conspiracies does not make them invalid:-not only is there a book called Communism and the Beatles but any band that sings about drugs, sex, and satan are promoted over any moralistic one…heck why do you think every Super Bowl (the most televised event in history) we get Janet Jackson showing her breast with an occultic-symbol nipple ring on it or Prince last year standing behind a giant 80 foot sheet of cloth so that he could cast a giant shadow of him and his guitar (the guitar had an arm that stuck out to look like a forked tail behind him) so it looked like satan playing the guitar…no, no way that there’s satanists involved in the media..nooo way…wake the fuck up you idiots.-I guess the author of the page here has found actual proof that Jesus did die on a cross despite all the numerous other “apocraphyl” books that say he didnt-Considering Christ wants us to “eat him” and the popularity of mushrooms in CHRISTmas decor…aswell as the fact a mushroom looks like a penis, AND with the cult historys of religious sects I dont think this “theory” is so ridiculous.-HIV could have been created in a lab. Whats so crazy about this? Ever heard the theory that we are all sheep and the world elite only have wars for population control? Its good this author thinks corruption could never happen on our planet. Just who really has their head in the sand seriously?-The 1939 “War of the Worlds” broadcast most certainly could have been a government scheme to test the public. Do you really trust the Rockefellers?-If you know anything about ancient history, the origin of “the dragon kings/Jews” was a blood drinking cult.-Everyone knows Hitler had huge occultic beliefs. He associated with the Thule society and Madame Blavatsky and they taught that the Earth had hollow areas especially at the poles. Just look at magnetic lines of force at the poles of any magnet and theres a very good probabilty “something” exists at the poles of our planet (its even rumoured the Northern lights are the result of hollow areas at the poles).-Denver airport DOES have an enormously huge secret underground city. This is one of the most known “secrets” about the airport. Come on its Colorado. If ever theres a state where you’d find “apocolyptic nutsos” its there.-Gnosticism is based on the philosophy that Satan fell to Earth to reign over it until “Christ” comes to enslave him. Whats so weird about that? Seems more logical than any other interpretation of what may have happened.-The Nation of Islam may be correct if you know anything about the Genesis stories and the Annunaki and there genetic manipulation of primitive humanoids for slave mining of gold.-The middle ages being forged was first proposed by Isaac Newton and based on enormous mounting evidence that many historical figures were created to hide true bloodlines of royals. Most likely a black vs white racist agenda.-Clinton signed into law many questionable acts. One act signed in just before he left office allows the senate to call for martial law WITHOUT the need of congress to ok it (or something to that effect).-Flouride was used in the early 40’s or 50’s to keep prison inmates “docile”. If you think every “miracle drug” the government oks for use is completely harmless…well then go nuts and stuff your fat ignorant faces with this stuff I dont care.
I cant beleive, that you call stupid some teories but you dont offer explanation and alternative, for exampe HIV and AIDS virus being geneticaly engeneered is there a proof that its not, or that it is ? I cant beleive the ignorance.
You forgot Elvis is dead.
My fave 09/11 conspiracy is that is was retaliation by the French for us trying to assassinate Chirac by sabotaging the Concorde to crash into his plane which was on the runway at the time. (I really can’t give this whole theory justice here just go read it http://www.vialls.com/transpositions/concorde.html)I do just really want to know. If Chimpy McBushitler was behind 09/11 why didn’t we “find” giant caches of nuclear weapons in Iraq? Why didn’t we find an entire building with paperwork proving OBL was in bed with Saddam? Why haven’t Michael Moore and the rest of these lunatics been “silenced” by the same secret ninja teams who planted all those tons of explosives all over NY without anybody noticing?
Here is a new one:Canadians invented Ice Hockey to take over the United States and give the land back to the Queen of England.
Oh, my word. I am shocked at how many people think 9-11 was fake. They must not have maps, and everywhere like such as.Can they really be serious? I suppose the Earth is fake, as well, and since air is not real either, they cannot breathe, so they must also be fake. Riotous.
About 9/11…It’s pretty much obvious to me that it was staged but none of the “stagers” expected the towers to fall…that is where they went wrong!too bad for them,they had to improvise on the fly hehehe. Just see the reaction on Bush in Moore’s Farenheit, does any living person react like that on that kind of news and plus the chimp is the president??? Come on! There is too much evidence that supports this “conspiracy” theory but i’m not even going to bother to mention even one more…what’s the point?!?
“Jet fuel could not bring down the twin towers.”And the Titanic couldn’t have sunk because it was unsinkable!
Here’s a great story about the DIA conspiracies, explored and mostly debunked in detail. http://www.westword.com/2007-08-30/news/dia-conspiracies-take-off/fullDisclosure: I’m a freelance writer/blogger/photographer for for this paper.
@ GFMaybe I’m missing something. I don’t remember seeing mushrooms in Christmas decor.
MY GOD!! Where’s Penn and Teller when you need them?I think I’m in love with Matthew and Jim! Thanks for adding your facts and reason to these comments! BTW, the “Truthers” are posting anonymously because they think the CIA is out to kill them. ;)To the “Truther” who said that all the steel from the towers was hauled off 30 minutes after the towers fell…..GET REAL!! That has to be THE DUMBEST 9/11 conspiracy story I’ve heard yet!AND…I have a friend who was working in the Pentagon on 9/11, and YES, there was plane wreckage!
I think it takes slightly more than 30 minutes to remove all the wreckage from two skyscrapers. There’s still a lot of stuff there – including human remains. Ground Zero is a disgraceful mess.
ELVIS shot JFK !
Clearing the wreckage in 30 minutes. I guess being unable to comprehend scale is pretty much a given with conspiracy nuts, but that really brings it into focus.
New World Order is a real plan, developed by the world leaders to kill 80% of the worlds population. 911, yes it f*cking was government sponsored terror, you ignorants! Connect the dots! There are witnesses, even one who was in tower 1 said that a bomb went off in the lobby BEFORE the first plane hit the tower! But no, blame it on the guy in the cave, the “Axis of Evil”. The US government have such control over you that they can just point out which countries are evil, and you swallow it without even knowing what they’re saying. The worlds most powerful people are f*cking evil , they don’t care about you, but you wouldn’t know cause you’re fed with propaganda every day. Fluoride and aspartame are poisons, and they’re putting fluoride in your drinking water. Wake up. Do some research, Google it, listen to Alex Jones’ radio show on http://www.infowars.com
The Twin Towers DID come down by controlled demolition, don’tcha know. The Men in Black used their invisibility cloaks and their cones of silence to hide while they planted the thermite, and then used their memory wipe devices just in case. What you saw in that movie was real. My second cousin once removed knows somebody who knows sombody with a degree in astrophysics who swears it’s all true.Snark aside, what seems to motivate some of the troofers is this thought that, by attributing 9/11 to terrorists, we are somehow defending george w. bush and justifying his Hulk Smash foreign policy. This is like claiming that Hitler was justified in what he did because it was Communists and not Nazis who torched the Reichstag.
Just have one simple question to all this. Do you truly think that with such wast and eleaborate conspiracyes no one involved would tell. Even smaller stuff which are supposed to be hidden get into the media 24\7 why havent this stuff been mentioned. Another thing im dying to know is who are the world elite? They must come from somwhere, after all you cannot have a world elite with no members ;-)However i must admit a major part of me want to belive the theoryes.
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I followed the link to the bushconnection site for some additional hilarity. I couldn’t help but wonder about the poor people in the photos who are tagged as Nazi war criminal etc. Look at the 55 yr old Italian guy who is accused of being Josef Menegele the Anthrax Guy AND the Zodiac Killer. “MENGELE’S WRIST WATCH IS EXPOSED, SYMBOLIZING “IT’S ANTHRAX TIME!”
That’s one busy dude. I bet he’s also the real Unabomber, D.B. Cooper, and the inventor of Twinkies.
Okay… I’m gonna try and do this without sounding like a loon…Now, while I *really* doubt 9/11 was an inside job, there is a bunch of weirdness involved, certainly some incompetence by the Alphabet Agencies. Also, I doubt anyone can say the government hasn’t taken advantage of 9/11 to tighten the reins a bit and justify global policy. I’m not an engineer, scientist, or politician (nor do I play one on the internet) but I think some of the explanations given are funky. But like I said, I’m not a scientist, et al.For all you debunkers out there, if you’re so sure that you’re right, why even mock the “truthers” as you call them? When you mock them, all you do is convince them that you’re part of the problem.All you believers out there… for God sakes, use proper punctuation and at least try good spelling, and lay off the frickin caps already. It’s not convincing people you’re right. It just makes you look more loony. Actually, the caps part applies the everyone :PI think people would get along better if everyone would at least try and have an open mind.Just my two cents, great blog SME.-Mike
ok this is what i dont get* The twin towers were SPECIFICALLY designed to withstand air crashes* WTC7 fell into its exact footprint due to a small fire * Never in the history of the world has a pancake collapse sped up, a 100floor+ building such as the twin towers would have a calculated pancake collapse time of over 1 min 30. The twin towers fell in 9 and 11 seconds, which is easier/quicker walking through a closed door, or one that is open, ie the floor below must have completely disintigrated before the one above even touched it* The hole in the pentagon did not have any marks where the wings would have hit, only a hole 16m in diameter.* The FBI have a tap showing something hit the pentagon, yet they only release 3 frames of it, none of which clearly show a plane, why dont they show the world the tape…if they have nothing to hide* You can see squibs (explosions used to demolish buildings) coming out of the side of WTC 1 and 2* The sniffer dogs used to detect bombs were removed a week before 9/11* The entire security system in WTC 1 and 2 were occasionally down in the weeks leading up to 9/11, meaning in those times there would be no CCTV* WTC 7 was the first steel frame buildings in the history of the world to collapse due to fire alone, a building in madrid burned for 24 hours at 1000 degrees c, and yet did not collapse* The empire state building was hit by a bomber in ww2 that was lost in the fog, it still stands today* Demolishion experts cut vertical columnes at 45 degrees, some pictures of the site after 9/11 show steel columns cut to exactly 45 degrees.Now thats quite a lot of evidence if you ask me
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How about this one. FBI Agent with most knowledge of anyone on Osama Bin Laden gets fired and then hired to run security for a skyscraper. The buildings? WTC. His first day? September 11, 2001. All a conspiracy folks.
What are you saying, Anon? 9/11 was arranged to eliminate John O’Neill? If anything, 9/11 proved him right. I don’t understand why he is a central figure in conspiracy scenarios.
Thanks for always giving me something to laugh about while at work.