How to Escape the FEMA Dragnet

Dissidents of various stripes believe that at any time now they will be woken in the small hours by government thugs and dragged to FEMA-operated detainment facilities. Who, exactly, are these facilities designed to imprison? Depends who you ask. Patriots will say Patriots, 9/11 Truthers will say 9/11 Truthers, and polygamous creepazoids will say “the true Mormons”. Or whatever.

There is a simple, idiot-proof way to avoid ending up in a FEMA camp.

Are you ready?

Here it is: If you don’t already live in a disaster-prone part of the U.S., move to one immediately. Wait for the inevitable (earthquake, tornado, volcanic eruption, etc.). In the wake of the disaster, stand on the rooftop of your home and bellow for help as loudly as you can for days on end. It wouldn’t hurt to have an elderly relative in a wheelchair or some squalling babies with you.

You’re safe. Congratulations.

Also: FEMA’s faux press conference

4 thoughts on “How to Escape the FEMA Dragnet

Add yours

  1. LMFAO!! Good strategy!Doug is always bringing up FEMA, and I just laugh at him. I don’t know anybody that takes them seriously. We need to disband the whole shebang and save ourselves a LOT of money!

  2. FEMA… not only do they do a terrible job, but they hold fake press conferences to make themselves look good. How about you actually do your job, and then you’ll definitely be in the press for DOING a good job. No… that would be too difficult, wouldn’t it…?

  3. The worst part is, FEMA funding has been increased instead of reduced thanks to all its troubles. Is that how a supposedly free-market economy should be run? We all get raises for screwing up big-time? I say slice FEMA’s funding each time it goofs; it’ll either shape up fast or disappear.

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