Here are a few of the most interesting predictions for ’09, from some of the most trusted sources in the field of professional prognostication. How well did they do?
The aliens will introduce themselves on television. FAIL. On the July 10, 2009 broadcast of Coast to Coast AM, psychic David Wilcock announced that his inside sources within the intelligence community had told him that the U.S. government would give FULL DISCLOSURE about the alien presence on earth during a two-hour, international TV event by the end of the year. The TV spot had already been reserved and everything. During the broadcast, actual humanoid aliens would be trotted out and introduced to us by the President. Maybe the show was cancelled because too many viewers believe the President is an alien. Or because it would have cut into Leno’s time slot.
You can read about some of Wilcock’s other hilariously wrong predictions here.
The aliens won’t land, but the New World Order baddies will make us think they’ve landed, using holograms and high-tech gadgetry. FAIL. Throughout 2008, this prediction was touted by Alex Jones, Connie Fogal of the Canadian Action Party, and just about every conspiranoid on the planet. This video featuring Dr. Carol Rosin “explains” it.
The Japanese sea-monster hologram was sometimes cited as an example of how convincing a bogus alien invasion could be. Please. It’s cool, but even if you were really-really stoned, would you honestly think that was a live sea monster? Srsly? Would you run into a hotel lobby screaming, “There’s a sea monster in the bay and it looks pissed! Run away!”? Or would you say to yourself, “That’s an even better hologram than the shark in Back to the Future III! I am truly blessed to live in such a technologically advanced society, where otaku twentysomethings can create these wondrous marvels for the delight of mankind. Now I think I’ll hit the buffet”?
The Great Swine Flu Plot of ’09. FAIL. As I wrote at Leaving Alex Jonestown, Jones laid out the steps whereby the Commie-Satanist-Eugenicist elite would use forced H1N1 inoculation to cause rioting, giving them an excuse to bundle us all into FEMA camps and eliminate 80-99% of the world’s population. This was supposed to begin happening in the fall of ’09. Do I even have to mention that instead of forced inoculation programs, most developed countries have major overstocks of H1N1 vaccine?
I didn’t think so.
The Web Bot Project “Global Coastal Event”. UNDETERMINED. According to the Web Bots, early 2009 was supposed to see a “Global Coastal Event” and a lot of other vague-ass stuff like “emotional intensity”.
Sylvia Browne’s Predictions. Here’s what the dagger-nailed doyenne of epic fail predicted for ’09:
– The economy will rebound around May. FAIL.
– The U.S. will discover even more oil and gas reserves and begin using its own resources. FAIL.
– Regulation of loans and stocks will increase. FAIL.
– More jobs with better benefits (better than what?) will appear mid-year. FAIL.
– Troops will begin coming home from Iraq en masse in December. FAIL.
– Tsunamis and earthquakes will occur in the Far East. PASS.
– Branjelina will probably break up towards the end of the year. PASS? FAIL? WHO CARES?
– Harrison Ford will have a health scare. FAIL.
– Clint Eastwood will have varicose veins. UNDETERMINED, and who cares?
– Robert Redford will be honored for an award-winning documentary. FAIL. Not only did Redford not direct or produce a documentary, he wasn’t honored much at all in ’09. In fact, Lions for Lambs made most critics and fans want to kick his ass. A better prediction would have been, “It’s finally going to suck to be Robert Redford this year.”
– Katie Couric will leave CBS Nightly News. FAIL.
– Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins will start a large alternative-energy organization. That sounds like a safe bet, but FAIL.
– In March, a large liner “will go aground, sending many people into the water”. FAIL.
– Two plane crashes near the East Coast in August and September. FAIL. And she didn’t see the Hudson crash in January. That’s an extra FAIL.
– Terrorist attack close to Paris in January. FAIL.
– Two attacks in India in February. FAIL.
– A Brinks trunk will be robbed in Vegas. FAIL. Try Florida.
– An uprising will occur in Oakland, California – something to do with a police officer and gang members. PASS. There were riots after the shooting of Oscar Grant III in January ’09.